


Only You

by Nadine1



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-13 21:16:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 88,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7986487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadine1/pseuds/Nadine1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin comes back to Pittsburgh after disappearing for six years. No one heard anything from him and no one knows why he chooses to go away after his break-up with Ethan. Will Justin and Brian find their way back into each other after being away for so long? Or is it better to leave the past to where they belong, in the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only you can make the darkness bright

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first QAF fan fiction and some feedbacks are highly appreciated. This is also unbeta'd and because English is not my first language, you might find too many grammatical mistakes throughout the story.
> 
> Disclaimer: All the characters of Queer as Folk are owned by CowLip productions. No infringement is intended.

In Brian's 36 years of life, okay, 37 in less than a week, he already knew that there's absolutely nothing last forever. Even those few good things that had happened to him, didn't even last for a few good years.

His relationship to his biological family should be the first one that should've lasted as long as he lived, or at least, it should be one of the good things that had happened in his life. It only took him three years to be in this world to know that he didn't have a good family.

His money and success were another thing. He had it all after being a partner to the agency that he had worked with since he graduated from college. He worked his ass off to get to where he was before his downfall. 

In all honesty, it was his human side that made him to back off from doing Chief Jim Stockwell's mayoral campaign. He secretly made a video in attempt to reverse and sabotage his already successful campaign. 

It eventually had him fired from his agency, bankrupting him, leaving him with nothing but a debt up to his eyeballs.

That was over four years ago, and thank god, he had bounced back by taking risk in having his own business. Now he was backed on top, in more ways than one.

Lastly, one good thing that he had in his life that didn't last, was his two years romantic relationship with one Justin Taylor.

Well, in all fairness, all those times that he was with him, he never even called what he had with Justin a relationship. He was all, 'I don't do boyfriends', 'I don't do relationships', and 'I don't do love'.

He met Justin on the same night Gus was born. He was about to go home from a frustrating night at Babylon when he saw him standing under a street lamps. He picked him up and brought him home.

In the middle of their foreplay, Melanie's call came in telling him that Lindsay had delivered his son. He went to the hospital with Michael and Justin.

He didn't even know why he let Justin picked between Abraham and Gus when Linds asked for his opinion. Unbelievable, yeah.

He popped Justin's cherry that same night after they were back at the loft. It was a very long and satisfying night for the both of them, if he's being honest with it.

The next day, the kid thought he was in love with him and started to stalk him almost every night at Woody's or Babylon. 

Brian was irritated by it, but somehow, he kind of like the kid's persistent attitude. He commended him for going after what he wanted. Something that he didn't always do.

He didn't really resist Justin that much harder, even though Michael and the gang thought otherwise. Because that was exactly what he wanted them to see.

But in reality, he was craving for Justin in his bed, and sometimes, he even wanted a small glimpse of him in the morning with his coffee at the diner.

After two months since he met Justin, the young man could be found in his bed almost every night.

The thing was, Justin had a terrible life in his own home too. When his father knew about his sexuality, he treated his son differently and he got more cruel to him everyday. Until one day, he gave him an ultimatum to whether abandon his lifestyle or else he would be homeless. 

Justin, the little risk taker, of course packed his clothes, art books and school stuff, knocked on Brian's door with his duffle on his feet.

That had happened after three months of meeting Justin. Brian tried to explain to the young man why it wasn't a good idea for him to live in his loft and called Debbie asking if she was willing to adopt the little homeless twat.

Since then, Justin was living in Michael's old room until that fateful night of his prom.

By the time Justin was living with Debbie, he noticed two things that seemed so weird about him. His unavailability every Tuesday evening and his close affinity to his phone.

He found out from Vic, by subtlety prying, that he was spending it locked in his room all night. Brian wanted to know what was going on inside that locked door, but it would mean he needed to ask Justin. It would also sound as if he cared, and he didn't. Really he didn't. So, he just shrugged his shoulders and go to Babylon.

He guessed, by six months with Justin's constant presence, everyone was just used to see the two of them together. 

Though, most of his friends developed a deep affection to the kid, they never doubted that the reason Justin got to stay, well, aside from being a persistent stalker, he was just a convenient fuck to Brian. A willing and a very accessible ass that was ready to be fucked anytime he fancied to.

Well, he guessed, he couldn't really blame any of them. He was the one who made sure to instill it in their mind that Justin was nothing but a great lay. He also shut any comments or even a hint referring him and Justin as couple, and he'd do it in a not so very kind way.

Unfortunately, Justin was the one he would lash out to. One comment about him and Justin, even from anyone he didn't know, would mean a hell day for the young man.

Honestly, Justin wasn't only great in bed. He was actually so intelligent and a great conversationalist too. He could have an intellectual discussion with him about anything you could think of. He liked the fact that he was so opinionated and wasn't afraid to speak his mind.

But as much as he enjoyed Justin's company, he couldn't let the kid think that there were more to them than just two people fucking whenever the mood strikes. 

And that was the reason he'd gone to a great extent on proving to Justin that he was just someone he liked to fuck because he was just-there.

He was aware that it hurt Justin more than he let them on. The kid must've been keeping it inside, he guessed, he just knew better than to challenge him. And that's where he forgot that Justin was young and it was his first time to these kinds of feeling.

He'd kept him on arms length, kept him on his toes. He already broke so much rules for Justin and he wouldn't let him break anymore of his self imposed beliefs.

The boy was nothing but persistent though. He never failed to make Brian feel like he was Justin's only world. He'd been patient and understanding of his moods and became quiet an eloquent to Kinney language.

It wasn't easy to be with someone like Brian, and Brian himself perfectly knew that. It wasn't as if Justin never complained or never threw a fit, because he did. 

In fact, Brian would always see him get jealous with his tricks, especially when he'd bring them to the loft instead of him. 

Honestly, sometimes, he'd purposely do it just to get a reaction from Justin. It might be twisted and so cruel of him to even think like that, but he liked to know that Justin was in love with him.

As months passed by, Brian and Justin were spending more and more time together. Justin was at the loft almost everyday and you could see Brian sneaking to Justin's room for the nights he stayed in.

Then he'd asked Brian to be his prom date. He said, he was the only one he wanted to bring as his date and it would mean a lot if he'd be there with him that night.

Brian caved in. Because as much as he tried not to admit that he had fallen for the young man, the truth was, he had already fallen so hard. 

For once, Brian succumbed to what he really feels for Justin and wanted to at least make the night to be special for the two of them together.

He'd booked them for a night at a five star hotel and he'd planned on bringing the young man there straight from the prom. He surprised Justin by coming late to the party but it was more than obvious how his presence affected his young lover. The twinkle in his eyes sent a wave of electricity to Brian's heart.

They gave everyone at the prom a night they couldn't forget. They sensuously dance to a classic song and kissed passionately at the end. 

Brian pulled Justin with him and they ran out of the ballroom like kids in summer and ended up at the basement parking lot where Brian had his car. 

He backed his lover on his jeep and proceeded to tell him about his plans. Justin was nodding exuberantly and kissed Brian so softly on the mouth. 

Brian felt an unexpected warmth enveloping his chest and he kind of like the feeling. After the kiss, Justin told him he needed to go inside to tell Daphne that he'd be going.

Justin started to walk back inside while Brian hopped in his car to wait for his return. He was watching the young man on his side mirror while crossing the expanse of the parking lot, when a figure suddenly appear with a bat on his hand.

He desperately called for Justin, but he knew it wouldn't be enough, and it wasn't enough. Their supposed special night had turned into a tragic one that almost cost Justin's life.

He was in coma for three days and Brian felt like he was dying with Justin too. He just sat there on the bench, so scared and so numb that he hadn't even noticed how he ate or drink in three days. 

Because he had to, right? There was no way in hell he could survive that long without food and water in his system.

Maybe, Mikey forced feed him, or it could be Debbie. He didn't remember any of it, but when he heard Jennifer sobbing on Debbie's shoulder saying, "Thank you, Lord", again and again, he stood up and walked out of the hospital without a back glance.

He locked himself in his loft for a couple of nights berating himself for even considering to be in a real relationship. He wasn't meant to be with anyone, not even with Justin. 

He'd continued his life like nothing happened. He'd go to work, did a kick ass job, go to Woody's and drink like a fish. He'd end up at Babylon fucking his brain's out all night long.

He made a promise to himself that he'd make sure not to let anyone get that closed to him again. He'd continue to be the stud of Liberty avenue. That was what he always would be.

It was better than to feel so hopeless when someone you care about was on the operating table and you couldn't do anything except wait. Anything was better than that.

He'd stay away from the family and he was wasted every single night. He never visited Justin when he was conscious and he could see the disapproval in his friends eyes. He continued to pretend that he didn't care.

He couldn't totally stay away from Justin, though. Try as he might to put a stop on his feelings, the young man had already possessed his heart. Yeah, he was the epitome of complication.

He had been watching a sleeping Justin every night from outside his room. He didn't want to admit it, but the few hours at night he was with him, was like a lifeline to Brian.

Few weeks after the incident, Jennifer came to his loft, crying and begging for his help. She said he was so messed up that no one could go through him and Jennifer was so desperate and didn't know what to do anymore.

Brian caved in, again, and let Justin stay with him. He wanted to help the young man in any way he could because he felt he owed it to Justin to help him cope up with his anxiety.

The first few months were really good, though, Justin was more subdued and always freaking out in a crowded places, he was actually improving. By the time when he could manage to walk alone on the street, Brian realized they had gotten so close to each other, even more so than before. Then he realized, he hadn't even been out tricking for nearly a month. 

The realization had gotten him in frenzy. He was already in that funk mood when he overheard a guy taunting him to be in a 'loving, boring relationship'.

He brought the mouthy trick to his place timing it with Justin's arrival from a movie night with Daphne. It was so heartless of him, he knew that, but he needed to get on track again.

He saw how devastated Justin was. With the sight of Brian fucking his trick on the sofa, he had shattered the bubble Justin was living in for the past few months in his loft.

It wasn't easy for him, too, to see his young lover hurting so much. He had to restraint himself from succumbing to what he really feels and apologized for his callousness. 

He wasn't going to do that, instead, he went out to Babylon and continue to fuck his brain out all night. He wouldn't let himself to feel any remorse, this what he always had been.

Justin knew better, right?

Brian was becoming distant after that. He was very cautious of his actions especially when they were both out. He wouldn't fall for those traps again, he had already been reminded of what it was like when Justin got hurt.

Besides, Justin was better now, that was the only thing he had promised to help him with.

He knew he was pushing the young man out, and he had been pushing him so hard. Justin was left feeling like Brian was doing it on purpose because he wanted him out of the loft now that he was better. He thought, Brian could've just said that instead of treating him like shit. It really did hurt him.

And when he met Ethan, the romantic, polar-opposite-of-Brian-Ethan, he couldn't help himself but fall for his words. It might be because he was at the stage where he was craving for attention and affection from the man he loved. But he couldn't get any from Brian, and Ethan was there, playing his violin to steal his heart.

After few weeks of claiming his title back as the stud of Liberty avenue, Brian felt that something was gnawing in his gut. As the days gone by, Justin was pulling away from him, too.

For weeks he felt how he wasn't as exuberance as he was when they were together. He'd been coming home later than he usually did and he'd been secretive with his sketchbook lately.

He only shrugged as a little bit of fear and sadness were growing inside his chest. He knew what was happening and he was convinced that this was for the best. 

He couldn't give the kid his teenage fantasy and it was better to find it with other kids his age.

And so Justin did.

He left the loft and lived in a dump with his new boyfriend. Brian went on as if it didn't bother him that Justin had left.

Maybe it really didn't, or even if it did, he knew Justin loved him, he would always love him. What Justin needed, was to experience life like everyone else. He needed to know that there were no perfect relationship, no perfect boyfriend nor there wasn't a perfect life. Life was full of bullshit and the kid better learned that lesson early on.

So he thought it was really all right that Justin was living his teenage life, letting him to crush and burn. And maybe, just maybe, Justin would come to realize that what he had with Brian was way more better than flowers, chocolates and violin music.

He was also sure that if Justin's new relationship would crumble down, and he was certain that it would, he'd be running back to Brian.

It didn't mean that he wouldn't be affected with the sight of Justin with the fiddler, though. Because, as hard as it was for Brian to admit it, it did hurt him a bit.

But one afternoon, about five months after his break up with Justin, he went to see Debbie in her house. What he'd found though, was a distress Debbie frantically pacing in front of Emmett.

Emmett, on the other hand, was trying to settle her down before she gave herself a heart attack. She was so worked up that her face was so flushed and her words were indecipherable.

He stood from the doorway of her living room, trying to observe and understand what the fuss was about. It was obvious that something was wrong and Brian wanted to know.

"Deb, it was his decision. We just have to respect what he wants and if he decided to totally cut us off from his life, then I think we just have to give that to him." Emmett said looking up at Debbie who was still pacing.

"But we are his family. I thought..." She slowed down and sat on the couch as if she was already defeated and let out a deep sigh. "I thought we mean something to him. He always knows that he is welcome in my house anytime. But he just walk away..." The last words were softly spoken and Brian got an unsettling feeling in his gut.

"What's happening here?" He finally asked and they were a little startled finding him standing on the doorway of the living room. They were so worked up they hadn't even noticed him entering the house.

"Brian?" Debbie said and just like that, the dam has broken, she started crying. Brian's throat was suddenly dry and he tried to swallow the lump forming on it.

"Deb, what's wrong?" He walked a few steps toward the couch.

Debbie pointed to a piece of paper on the top of the coffee table, which he didn't notice it was there before, he felt a cold air run down his spine.

His eyes were fixated on the white envelope with a familiar hand writing. The envelope had a simple 'My Family' written on it. His heart was racing so fast as if he just ran a marathon.

He worriedly glanced at Debbie and saw her wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. He flicked his eyes in Emmett's direction and could see sadness crossing his face. Brian swallowed dryly again.

"Justin" He mouthed to Brian, gesturing with a tip of his head towards the coffee table.

So, he took a deep breath and went to take the paper. He walked to the dining table and sat down on it, placing the paper in front of him and stared at it for a while.

Several heartbeats later, he started to read.

Speechless. He was speechless.

He sat there gaping at the paper, shook his head a little, then reading it back a few more times. He must've misunderstood the twat. 

But it turned out, even if he had read it again and again, Justin had written to say adios, farewell, a goodbye to all of them.

In his letter, he was going on and on about Jennifer receiving almost nothing from her divorce settlement with Craig. Even the condo that she and Molly were living, had to be sold out because she couldn't even afford it anymore. 

On top of that, she was fired by her boss at the Real Estate firm that she was working. They suspected, Craig had something to do with it.

Justin went on saying, he messed it even more by going over Craig's house, yelling and throwing stones on his windows. His father called a police on him and got him arrested. 

To which, his mother bailed him out and spent more money that she already didn't have.

So, in the end, they all decided to just pack everything up and moved out of Pittsburgh. They went to his mother's brother and tried to have a new life in a new city, far away from Craig and everyone else they knew.

He also asked them to understand that he couldn't say goodbye personally because it just hurt too much. He was wishing them all a great life and singled out Brian, asking him to forgive Justin for what he had done five months ago.

Brian was so stunned, in all the scenarios that he was playing in his head about him and Justin, this wasn't one of them. He began to feel numb and all he could do was blink in attempt to stop his emotions from coming out. 

Justin had left Pittsburgh. He left to a place unknown to any of them. He left them without even saying goodbye. 

He left Brian without saying goodbye.

Brian's defense was kicking in, just like any other times when he was hurting. He was diverting the pain that was creeping in, letting his anger comes out in full force.

Justin was a coward, a mother fucking coward who ran away from those people who cared for him for two fucking years, and he only sent them a letter. Yeah, an asshole.

He slammed the table forcefully, standing up sending the chair to topple down.

"Brian!" He heard Debbie shouted, and in an instant, she was on his side. She was still crying, and said, "Sunshine's gone, Brian."

Brian scoffed and looked sharply on her. "Yeah, good riddance, I must say." He crossed the few steps from dining room to the main door opening it with unnecessary force. 

Before he could step out though, he looked back at them and said bitterly, "We don't need a mother fucking asshole like him." He turned around closing the door with a loud bang.

He was so furious at first and even forgetting about the fiddler. It didn't even cross his mind if they were still together or not. Then he saw him playing his violin to the small crowd on the street. 

Brian was on his way to the Baths and fished a hundred dollar bill dropping it to the fiddler's case without even stopping. After a few steps, he heard the fiddler calling him as he tried to school his expression to a nonchalant one. Then he turned to face the chin rat.

"Take your money, I don't need it." He sternly said handing him the bill. 

Brian snorted and sarcastically said, "Of course you do. Buy a new jacket, or eat a steak instead of ramen or..." He trailed his words looking at the fiddler intently, "...buy a shampoo and wash your hair."

"You are really an asshole." He snared back. Brian just smirked, taunting him more. It was giving him a slight satisfaction to stir a reaction from the fiddler. 

"Justin was right, he said you never cared for anyone's feelings except yours and your dick. Well, I guess now he is back with you. He hasn't really moved on even when we were together and I bet he ran straight to you the minute after we broke up."

Brian had frozen while the fiddler continued his tirade. "Huh, honestly..." He scoffed, "... I was kind of surprised we lasted almost four months. He got this weird headaches that I know he pretended to have just so I wouldn't touch him."

He was shaking his head in disbelief, "Then I made one stupid mistake and he got all hysterical on me. But you've done it to him a million times and he just swallowed it without batting an eyelash."

So, Justin was single for over a month before he left? That was the only significant thing he could process at that moment as he felt his chest was constricting.

His defense level had kicked up after a while and he snarkily answered, "Well, of course Justin would swallow mine, it tastes extremely great. The best actually, according to the little twat. Unlike yours, I bet it tastes even worse than it looks."

He turned and walked back to his loft. The night had turned to be one of his worst ones. It was a long and restless night. He was sure that no one from the gang had known Justin and the fiddler had broken up. If one of them did, he would have heard it from them in one way or another.

What kept him awake the whole night, though, was the thought of Justin not coming back to him when Brian thought he'd be. He was so sure Justin would try to get back with him when his relationship with the fiddler would fail. But he obviously didn't.

Instead of coming back to him, Justin just packed his bags and left Pittsburgh with his mom and sister without even seeing him.

Did it mean that Justin was over him now? Was it the reason why he didn't even say goodbye? How can he just moved on from Brian just like that? Well, he was right all along, wasn't he? Love was bullshit and wasn't real.

It didn't mean he wasn't hurting though, and he didn't want to admit that it really hurt so fucking bad. He hated to be experiencing this kind of pain he had put himself through. Even months after he read Justin's letter, it wasn't getting any better, it was cutting even deeper.

That was almost six years ago. Ancient according to Gus. Well, anything that was over a couple of months was ancient for his eight year old son.

He realized, in all that time, he survived Justin's abrupt disappearance by nurturing his anger towards the young man. The anger turned into hatred that kept residing on every fiber of his being.

For so long he didn't want to hear them talking about Justin. Not that his friends were really talking about the twat, but in rare moments that they did, he'd make sure to let them know that the topic wasn't welcome in his presence. 

Soon, he'd find out, the reason he didn't want them mentioning Justin's name, because it just hurt too much.

Years passed and it seemed the gang had forgotten about their little sunshine. He didn't know when it started, but after over two years, no one was even mentioning his name anymore. It was as if Justin hadn't existed in their lives at all. Brian could admit it made him a bit sad.

That left him feeling unsettled. By that time, the anger had died down swapping it with longings that grew harder and harder as the days gone by.

He was battling with himself internally especially after realizing that what had happened to him and Justin was equally their faults. 

He took the young man for granted, held him on an arms length, giving just a crumbs of affection. He'd be nice for a moment then he'd be cruel for days. 

He'd pushed him out, pulled him in, one step forward, ten steps back. He honestly forgot sometimes that Justin was only seventeen.

In the beginning, he deluded himself into believing he was doing it for both of them. Brian wouldn't change the way he lead his life, not for anyone. He was also giving the kid a chance to run farther away from him, saving himself from the pain that he would inevitably have from loving one Brian Kinney, in which he ultimately did.

But now he knew that he was actually terrified. He was so terrified that Justin had become someone that meant so much to him. 

And he thought it could only mean one thing. Justin could single handedly hurt and wrecked him, just like his parents did.

He would never allow anyone to do that to him. It was enough that from very young age, he was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by his parents. The pain that they caused him was enough to last for a lifetime and another. He didn't want to feel so wrecked again.

Then he finally realized Justin wasn't coming back. Justin had moved on, his friends had long been moving on, Everyone had moved on, everyone but him, apparently.

After all these years, he decided to at least attempt on searching for Justin. Even just to know what really happened to him that he felt the need to move out of Pittsburgh.

And who knew better than the best side kick there was. Yeah, Daphne.

He drove to her old apartment, though, there was a big chance she wasn't living there anymore. It turned out, she left the Pitts way ahead than Justin did. 

He found a lady named September, living in her old apartment. She told Brian that she was an old classmates of both Justin and Daphne. She also told him that Daphne moved to Chicago in the middle of her second year in college and she, September, lost contact with her.

He left the apartment with a heavy heart. He couldn't believe Justin hadn't told him about Daphne's move. Were they so messed up that he didn't even bother to share this with him? 

Justin must've been so torn with all his personal problems piling up without the only person he could count on to be there for him. That was the same time when Justin was seeing the fiddler behind his back.

Well, he guessed, sunshine did dodge a bullet after all. Brian was truly a heartless asshole. He was so busy pushing Justin off of the mount Kinney over and over again, when he was already having a hard time with his best friend moving to another city. No wonder he fell for the chin rat's sweet words.

With this in mind, he thought he'd better leave Justin alone wherever he might be. He had done so much harm to him already, and who knows, he might be with someone now who could give him his ever after.

And there was no way he would let himself do this farce called relationship again. It wouldn't do anyone good.

As if he needed more proof not to believe in love and commitment, his best friend Michael and Ben split up after four years together and tying the knot in Canada on their third year anniversary. Ben transferred to San Francisco where Hunter was permanently living with his wife and son for few years now.

Well, so much for The Ever After.

Mel and Linds' on again off again relationship didn't help his case, too. The two lesbians were on the count of who's the next to cheat now game. Not to mention Emmett's 5 minutes relationships.

Theodore was in another league though. After reuniting with Blake two years back, the two were going stronger than ever. But he wouldn't count on it lasting much longer because come on, it was tried and tested. 

No happily ever after. Not on this lifetime. 

See what had happened to Emmet and Drew. Drew promised he would be back when he'd be metaphorically twenty one. And it was already over four years ago and still nothing, not even a single phone call.

Emmet didn't talk about it much, but Brian knew he was still waiting, hoping, even praying that day would come.

Pathetic. He would never allow himself to fall into that hole again or even waste his time dwelling on things that he couldn't control over. 

Instead he spent his energy working his butt off to make his company more successful. He wanted to retire in his early age and lounge in Palm beach like he always dreamed in his younger years.

So, life went on. He was almost 37 years old, with two successful businesses. And in almost six years since Justin was gone, he knew nothing could shake his erected facade anymore. He also made sure to build an iron fence around his heart and it was impenetrable ever since.

Less than a week before he turned 37, five days to be exact, he found himself with the gang on their weekly Saturday morning breakfast at the Liberty diner. 

Everyone was there, including the munchers and their two kids along with the gang's newest addition, Eric, who was Ben's cousin from Missouri.

Eric was one of his employees at Kinnetik working with his legal department. It was Ben who recommended him to Brian, who set an interview, and found Eric to be a great addition to his growing company.

Even after Ben left to San Francisco, Eric continued to be in their circle of friends. Brian thought, the guy was okay, he was exemplary actually. He guessed, like Ben, Eric was also into Buddhism and shit like that, because the guy was a Zen Ben 2.0.

He noticed Emmett wasn't with them, he must've gotten lucky the other night. When the food came, they all devour it while continuously chatting with each other. 

That was until Emmett came rushing in squealing his way to their table.

He got the patrons' attentions and were eyeing him curiously. It was quiet obvious he had been pulling someone behind him which they couldn't see from their vantage points because of Emmett's taller frame.

A new boyfriend, Brian deduced.

"Guys, guys, look who I have found hovering outside the door!" He excitedly said while he was still halfway through the diner.

But before anyone could even guess or Brian could say something snarky, the figure stepped aside with a wide grin on his face. He was looking at them as if it was just yesterday that they all last see each other.

"Hi guys." He said smiling gleefully at them.

Speechless. Everyone on their table was frozen. How would you react seeing a person who walked out from all of your lives almost six years ago?

"Sunshine!"


	2. Only you and you alone, can thrill me like you do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make it clear that Brian didn't have a cancer in this story and Vic lives longer than he did in canon.

"Sunshine!"

Debbie had almost ran to hug her long lost boy.

"Debbie!" Justin cheerily said meeting her halfway. She enveloped him to her big bosom giving kisses on both his cheeks.

When the customary hugs and kisses were done, she smacked him none too gently at the back of his head. Deb was about to say something, maybe berate him for leaving, when a stern voice was heard behind Emmett and Justin.

"Hey, no smacking in the head!"

Everyone shifted their eyes to her. They saw a pretty, long blonde haired girl, dressed in just an oversized white tee with faded jeans.

"Jess, it's okay. Uhm, everyone..." Justin swept his eyes to their table then pointed his chin to the young lady, saying,"...this is Jessica Davis, my cousin."

"It's Jess. No one calls me Jessica." The fireball said, smiling that familiar smile that always, always melt Brian's defense. "Hi everyone! It's nice to finally meet you all."

'One sunshine wasn't enough? And what was the twat doing back here?' Brian's mind was in overdrive and he couldn't believe the audacity of this little shit to just march in here like he owned the place.

Yeah, focus on the anger, Brian.

Everyone seemed to finally grasp on what was going on and started to introduce themselves to Sunshine 2.0. All the while, Debbie was chastising Justin about his jetting off without even telling them.

He gazed at Justin intently, seeing how he would handle the question. To his surprise, and uttered disbelief, the twat just smiled sweetly and said, "I believe that was for the best at that time, Deb, I still do, actually."

'Really, now, Justin. Then why you came back after all this time?' Brian couldn't help but seethed, but there was just no way he'd let the little shit know that he could still affect him with his presence even up to this day.

Justin, on the other hand, looked like he wasn't devastated by any of it. He looked too good to believe he suffered some restless nights from leaving him and not seeing Brian for six fucking years. He was a bit thinner but even more gorgeous as he aged.

He felt his anger was starting to bubble up inside him. It made him so mad that Justin just marched in here acting like he didn't left them, looking perfectly fine being away for so long. Well, the little shit could just go back to where he was hiding for six years.

Brian didn't say anything though and when Jess looked at him expectantly, he quirked his eyebrow and nodded his head.

"Name's Brian. Nice to meet you..." He introduced himself to the lady blonde, "...Jessica."

He heard Justin chuckled while Jessica pursed her lips, her hands were dramatically poised on her hips.

"Oh, you're Brian." That wasn't a question and everyone on the table were kind of watching the exchange. "Hmm, yeah, you're kind of hot."

A scattered chuckles could be heard on their table.

"What do you mean, kind of?" Brian asked incredulously.

"Jess can stay, I like her." Melanie chimed in smiling smugly at Brian.

"Of course you do, bitch, that was what you've said to someone eons ago, too." The table went silent and tried to decipher what the two nemesis were talking about now.

Suddenly, he heard Justin clearing his throat extending his hand to Eric smiling down at him.

"Hey, I don't think we ever met. I'm Justin, Justin Taylor."

"Eric Bruckner. Nice to meet you, Justin." Eric shook his hand smiling back sincerely.

"Bruckner? Hey, where's Ben?" He asked looking at Michael, who was suddenly squirming a bit.

"We divorced. Last year." He said without glancing at Justin.

"I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't mean to--"

"Hey, that's okay. We separated amicably and we're trying to move on. He's in San Francisco now with our son, Hunter." Michael smiled but Justin couldn't help thinking why they had separated. They seemed to be happy before he left.

"Eric is Ben's cousin." Michael continued. Justin nodded at Eric again, smiling his sunshine smile.

"Hey, Brian." He finally said, looking at his ex-lover with a small smile. "You looking good."

Brian glanced up at him, smirking. "Why wouldn't I be?" 

The table had gone quiet, Eric had no idea why. It didn't even cross his mind that Brian was in a relationship with this hot blond once. Brian and relationships were two words that you just couldn't put together in one sentence.

Brian was smiling but inside he was boiling. He couldn't explain it but the sight of Justin had unexpectedly brought back some of their bad memories. 

The pain he felt when he left him for a greasy, chin rat. The devastation from the time he knew Justin left Pittsburgh without saying a word to him. Treating him like he wasn't anyone he had been with for two fucking years.

Brian was trying his best to act nonchalantly in front of everyone. He wouldn't give his friends any satisfaction to start gossiping about him and Justin.

Jess broke the silence by holding Justin's arm, yanked it gently, saying, "We better go, Justin. We need to finalize the papers for our place. I don't intend on living in a motel for longer than today."

Justin nodded and slowly stepping back from the table.

"So, you be staying?" It was Debbie. It made Brian cringed seeing the excitement on her face. Some of their friends were looking excited too. These people obviously suffered from a short term memory loss.

"Yeah." Justin answered in almost a whisper.

"Well, baby, we should celebrate tonight." Emmett was happily clapping like a seal.

"Yeah, Woody's tonight?" Ted supplied, resting his arm on his boyfriend's shoulder.

Justin looked at his cousin for confirmation and she nodded her affirmation. That made Emmet hopped like a Kangaroo kissing Justin then Jess on their cheeks.

"See you both tonight, lovelies." He sweetly said sitting beside Lindsay.

They bid their goodbyes and left the diner. As if on cue, their table began buzzing while Brian tried to zone them out. He was pretending to play with his phone.

He glanced up when he felt someone's eyes on him and found Eric, who sat on the chair opposite his, staring at him. He quirked his eyebrow in question and Eric gestured to his untouched food with his fork.

Brian just shook his head moving the plate a bit forward. A clear signed stating he was already done eating.

It might look like he was playing with his phone but in reality, Brian's chest was racing.

He was also mad at himself for feeling like a jilted lover. He shouldn't be acting like this. He hated that he was still so affected by the appearance of one Justin Taylor.

He couldn't do this again and he was mad at Justin for coming back here shaking him to his core once again.

He jumped a bit when someone lunged themselves on his side, jolting his mind from thinking. It was his son, and he was trying to see what his father was doing on his phone.

Gus was saying something about a new application that was uber cool and dad supposed to have it because, well, it was super duper cool.

After a while, their group went their separate ways, doing whatever they were usually doing on a Saturday mornings.

Brian went straight to his loft without so much of a goodbye to his friends. The time dragged so painfully slow and Brian contemplated on not going to Woody's. 

Yeah, then the twat would think it was because of him. He should just act like he usually did. That way, they'd never suspect anything. He wouldn't let Justin disrupting his schedule.

He got this. He was always in control in everything he did, with or without Justin. Speaking of Justin, well, fuck him. 

Fuck the little shit.

Hmm, on a second thought, it wasn't a bad idea. Justin actually started as a trick who turned to be his stalker. 

He snarled unkindly, thinking it would be an ultimate fuck you to the blond to be treated as a trick once again. He was acting like Brian didn't mean anything to him, he would also make Justin feel that he didn't mean anything to Brian.

With that decision in mind, he got dressed and was bouncing with anticipation of putting Justin on his proper place.

He was a bit late so everyone was already there when he finally arrived at Woody's. They commandeered a couple of tables and put them together to have a long one for all of them. Drinks were already flowing.

His friends seemed to be truly happy to have their sunshine back. They were all so loud and trying to pry Justin's life in.... where? Ohio?

Justin was in Cleveland all this time? Doing what? He really wasn't paying that much attention and Justin was radiating with intense happiness relating his boring life.

He clenched his jaws so hard he thought he'd cracked it. Justin was so pissing him off, looking cheerful, as he openly related his 'great' life in fucking Ohio, away from Brian.

This cemented his mind in doing what he had planned to Justin that night without a fleck of remorse.

He stood up and went to order another round of drinks. He was celebrating. He also needed to corner Justin alone to proposition him. 

While waiting for the drinks, he couldn't help looking at the twat's direction and saw him laughing with abandonment throwing his head back.

He felt his cock stirred. Well, it wasn't the first time. He remembered how Justin always create a reaction to him, or to his dick. 

But now wasn't the time, not yet, he would have his way tonight. Justin didn't know what was waiting for him in few hours.

Brian smiled smugly, turning to the bar to give the bartender his card.

After a while, their group scattered around the place. Brian, Ted, Michael and Eric played the billiard. Jess, Debbie and Emmet were on the other side of the place talking to a couple of drag queens, while Justin, Vic, the munchers and Blake were still at the table laughing their asses off.

Then he saw Justin going to the bathroom. It was time, and so he acted nonchalantly, counting numbers in his head. 

When he thought he gave enough time for Justin to pee, he told his playmates that he was thirsty and he'd go and get them all another shots.

He stepped just a few feet away from the billiard table when he saw Justin coming out of the bathroom.

Bingo!

He sped up his pace a little bit just to make sure he'd meet Justin in the middle. Then he was acting as if he wasn't watching where he was going and he'd directly bumped to the unsuspecting young man.

He held on to Justin's arm to steady him when he noticed Justin was nervously smiling at him. Good. Let him be nervous around him.

He dropped his hand from Justin's arm and nodded his head once without giving him a smile. Justin was about to say something, when he cut him off with his demand. "The loft, 10:30. Don't be late." Then Brian turned away from him.

He continued to walk without waiting for any answer. He just knew Justin would come. He was actually confident that he wouldn't miss it for anything.

Justin was already back at the table when he crossed the floor with bottles of beer on his hands. He walked like a panther on the prowl and didn't spare Justin even a glance.

He tried to focus his attention back to the game but he knew he needed to do his last task to put his plan in motion. He subtlety roamed his eyes to check on the offerings.

When he found the perfect candidate, he excused himself to the bathroom, but not before catching the chiseled brunet's eyes who was actually eyeing him all evening.

He noticed Justin as he was walking the way to the bathroom. He was sitting alone on a far end of the bar, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. His forehead was furrowed in concentration.

He let the guy blew him in one of the stalls and whispered on the trick's ear what he expected him to do later on.

Satisfied, he went out finding Emmet, Michael, Eric, Ted and Blake on the table where they sat earlier in the evening. The rest were no where to be found.

They all stood up after seeing him exiting the bathroom, they all seemed to be excited to shake their asses off at Babylon.

He stopped them by saying he was needed somewhere else but he'd be there with them in a couple of hours top.

Michael did his usual whine but after he kissed his best friend on the mouth, he quit complaining telling Brian he better show up soon.

Brian arrived at the loft in just under ten minutes, using the stairs to go up instead of the elevator. He was kind of taken aback seeing Justin sitting on the ground, with his back to the steel door, reading from the same notebook he was writing while at Woody's.

He hadn't changed the lock and code to his door and Justin never gave back his key. He assumed the little twat would at least attempt to use it and make himself comfortable in his loft. Obviously, he didn't.

Justin stood up when he saw him and kept his note in his messenger bag, a little frantically.

"Hey, uh, one of your neighbors went out and let me get in-- I hope it's okay that I--"

He nodded once then opened the door as wide as it could letting the blond to get in first. Justin, like his first time, long, long years ago, stopped on the foyer to roam his eyes around his place.

"Wow, it was still the same." He softly whispered, his voice a little melancholic. "I mean the sofa and the television are new but it is still the same."

Justin reminiscing their past in his place wasn't on Brian's agenda. He started to actually feel a little claustrophobic and his chest wasn't stopping from beating so fast.

So, he didn't answer him, instead he went to the fridge and drink water. When his breathing had gone to a bit normal, he crossed the floor to the bedroom, taking off his jacket, then his shirt and threw it to the ground.

He looked back at Justin, who was gaping at him, as he stood on the top of the steps to his bedroom.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get naked."

Justin's eyes grew impossibly big, shocked and hurt evident on his face. Brian scoffed shaking his head in disbelief. 

He left Justin to his emotions and walked to his bathroom. Brian couldn't believe he had the gall to feel hurt. It was unbelievably crazy. What did the twat expected?

After Justin's reaction he was kind of expecting him to storm off of his loft. But when he came out of the bathroom, Justin was standing on the foot of the bed in his naked glory.

Brian smiled smugly and crossed the short distance to Justin and kissed him on the mouth for a long time. He pulled away when they needed to breath and pushed Justin onto the bed.

He was so hard just looking at the unblemished skin and he wanted to bite every inch of it. He pounced on to the young man and kissed him again until they were panting for air.

He knew he wouldn't really last long, just the smell of Justin's sweat was too intoxicatingly sensual. He lapped and bit on his neck down to his nipples while his hands mapped the expanse of his body.

It was extremely familiar, the touch, the smell, the kiss and the moaning that always, always went straight to his dick. 

It also brought some flashbacks from long time ago. But it didn't feel like it was that long, it actually felt like it was only yesterday. 

In a matter of minutes, Brian was deliriously high from lust, flashback memories, and the sensation that he only, only felt when fucking Justin.

He continued to devour Justin's body until he was writhing under him and begged Brian to fuck him. That was music to Brian's ear and soon entered Justin's impossibly tight hole.

It didn't take long and they both found their rhythm and was soon rocking together. Justin was moaning his pleasure to his mouth as they kissed again and again. Brian was growling as he rammed Justin's ass so hard. It was so damn good, so,so, good.

Brian didn't want it to end. He wanted to be inside Justin's ass again and they weren't even finished with this one yet and he actually still hadn't cum. 

He surmised, this plan might not be his brightest idea. He underestimated how he'd react being with Justin again. He honestly hadn't anticipated this reaction from him. He guessed, he'd forgotten how great they were together in bed and how fucking great Justin's ass was.

Now he foolishly reminded himself how damn good it always were. And he kept on moaning Justin's name as his cum pumped out of his dick to the condom. He kissed Justin again swallowing the delicious moan as the young man reached his orgasm.

When it was over, Brian and Justin were trying to catch their breathing. Justin's eyes were closed and his face was pasted with a look of perfect bliss. He even had this contented smile on his lips like he used to do after a very long, hard, fuck.

Brian felt that familiar satisfaction warming his chest every time he saw Justin in this kind of state. He turned his head to look at him more closely and smiled, while basking in the after glow of their coupling.

Then it was interrupted with a loud knocking on his door.

It was like, Brian had been thrown to a pool of ice. Everything that he felt just moments ago had suddenly vanished. And as the reality hit him, it also brought back the reason why he was doing this.

God, one fuck and he was acting like a teenager with raging hormones. This wasn't on his plan. Those insistent knocks on the door was what he was planning.

"Get up." He said a little harsher than he intended to. Justin opened his eyes abruptly, sensing the shift in Brian's demeanor.

"What?" He asked softly, like he wasn't understanding what Brian was saying. 

Maybe he didn't. 

Then a louder knock came again from the door and Justin sat up looking at Brian questioningly.

"Get up and get dressed. That is my eleven o'clock." Justin's mouth was slightly opened, looking dumbfounded and confused. 

Brian could literally see the wheels turning in his head and could pinpoint the exact moment Justin had realized what he meant. His shoulders droop down, looking so wounded and disappointed.

Brian was carefully watching him. He wanted to witness every emotions flickered on Justin's eyes. When he finally saw them though, it surprised him he didn't feel any satisfaction in seeing Justin being hurt.

In fact, he kind of felt like he wanted to take back all the hurt he had just intentionally inflicted to the young man in front of him.

But then, he also remembered the pain, the agony and sorrow that he felt since Justin left him with the fiddler. The emptiness he felt for the past six years when Justin just left Pittsburgh without even seeing him first, or at least tell him.

He promised himself that he would never let anyone get closer to him again, especially not Justin. But, maybe, he could still milk the situation though. The sex was just too good.

Justin was still looking at him but a lot less devastated than he was just moments ago. He saw him let out a deep sigh shaking his head as if he just made sense of everything. That irritated Brian to no end. Of course, Justin should have known, right?

Brian stood up and went to open the door for his eleven o'clock trick, unashamedly naked. Justin heard him say 'Just wait here' to his guest. He started to get up collecting his clothes on the floor and got dressed.

Brian came back, challenging him with a look, daring him to say anything, expecting him to blew a casket or something. 

But Justin had his own agenda, too, and he was going to pursue it come hell or high water.

Instead of giving Brian what he thought Justin would do, he just sat on the bed and tied his shoes. Brian stood frozenly, the young man was continuously surprising him. Justin had grown too, it seemed.

When he was ready, he stayed sitting and fidgeted a little with the hem of his shirt. Then he cleared his throat, looking up, asking him in a soft voice, "When can I see you again?"

'Mother fucker', Brian silently cursed. The gall of this man was unparalleled, he even used his own lines from the first time they met. He couldn't help feeling a little triumphant, though. That was what he was just thinking a while ago. 

But, what would happen between them the next days or weeks or even months, should be on Brian's term, not Justin's, absolutely not Justin's.

"I'll call you." He simply said. Justin remained seated even he was obviously all dressed up and ready to go. Brian quirked his eyebrow, challenging him to just say what he wanted.

"If we are going to do this, Brian--"

Well, here it goes. The demand, the ultimatum, the rules. He felt all his blood was rushing to his head. He couldn't let this little shit laying rules to him again.

He was about to yell at Justin, when he cut Brian off, saying, "If we are doing this...", He paused biting his lip nervously, "...don't fall in love with me again, Brian."

What? Did Justin just said what he thought he-- oh god, the nerve of this little shit. Brian was now shaking with anger.

"Again?" He scoffed unkindly. "I should fall for you the first time, for me to have to fall for you again, don't you think?"

That was his forte, where Brian was so good at, his one defense mechanism- anger. It was better be angry than feeling hurt, right?

He saw Justin nodding his head as if accepting his words without any doubt. He then stood up and wiped his palms on his jeans.

"Yeah, I guess you're right... You never were." He said it in desolation. It made Brian a little guilty, but he knew he needed to tell Justin that.

Before Justin could walk out of the bedroom, he caught his arm and said, "I don't want anyone knowing about this."

Justin stared at him for few moment, nodded his head, then walked the short distance from bedroom to the door, where he picked his bag.

"Who's he?" He heard Brian's guest asked. He glanced up to a perfect chiseled beauty, that was his opposite physically, then looked at Brian over his shoulder giving him a small smile.

"I'm no one, really..." Justin shrugged, "Just someone he fucked more than once."

He turned and went out the door.


	3. Only you can make all this world seem right

Turned out, Brian didn't make it to Babylon that night. Sleep was evading him, too. 

After kicking the trick out, he just lie down in his bed, smoking one cigarette after another. His thoughts were still with Justin.

He should be happy that he accomplished what he had planned, right? Then why didn't he feel victorious for getting what he wanted without even sweating on it?

His mind kept repeating what Justin had said to him earlier. Did he seriously believe Brian didn't love him when they were still together? 

He knew he never admitted it to himself, or to anybody else, especially with Justin. He treated him so badly, both in private and in public. Honestly, with how he was with Justin before, the young man had no way of thinking Brian even cared for him, much less loved him.

He might've helped him to cope up after the bashing, but he was back to his cruel self the moment Justin was standing on his feet.

It was no wonder Justin would think he was nothing but a fuck, just 'someone he fucked more than once'. It stung hearing it from the person Brian knew he really cared a lot and even loved before, but Brian was the one who drilled it into Justin's brain since the beginning of their two years relationship.

Then, why he was feeling like he had a knot forming in his gut? It made him restless, made him feel unsettled. 

He also tried to ignore the fact that he didn't just actually-mentally admitted-he was in relationship with Justin, but that he had loved him too.

A loud banging on his door woke him up the next morning. He was a bit disoriented and thought the pounding was from his head. Realizing he didn't even go to Babylon last night to have a hangover, he reckoned that it was actually his door.

Remembering his short time with Justin last night, he made a mental quick cursing to the persistent twat who he knew he would find behind the banging on his door. 

He thought he was being clear about who would be calling whom first. He should've known the little shit wouldn't follow any rules he'd lay.

The door banged once again and he shouted, "Stop it already!"

When he opened it, though, Michael and Eric entered without even being invited.

"You didn't come to Babylon last night, asshole!" Michael said going straight to the jugular.

"Morning to you, too, Mikey. And you, too, Mr. Bruckner." Eric at least had the decency to look sheepish. "What can I do to both of you this fine, lovely, morning?"

"You said you would come, you never did." Michael launched again, sitting on his sofa, with an accusing glare pointed at him.

"Okay, we established that already. I never made it to Babylon last night, that I was an asshole, now tell me something I didn't know."

Michael kind of deflated a little bit. "Mom wants to make sure you'll be coming to her house tonight."

Of course, the weekly dinner at Deb's. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an audible sigh, nodded his head in affirmation.

"Anything else?" He looked at both Michael and Eric who shook their heads, stood up and left. Thank god for small mercy. 

Though, he felt a little disappointed knowing his intruders weren't the one who he thought it would be before he answered the door.

He arrived at Debbie's twenty minutes late. Well, he usually arrived later than that and his friends were teasing him that for once, he was almost on time.

Everyone, except Debbie and Emmet, who were in the kitchen doing their magic, was all in the living room noisily chatting with each other. Justin nodded at him when he caught his eyes from across the room.

He didn't know what he was expecting, though, he told the twat that he didn't want their friends to know about their little tryst. But with Justin, he always expected him to do the opposite. 

Like eight years ago, he told him he could see him in his dreams, instead the twat went to Woody's and saw him there. When he told him to find a girl and play house with her, instead of running away, he went to Babylon and stole his tricks from right under his nose.

But, that night, after he acknowledgment his presence with a curt nod, Justin maintained his distance from him. 

They hadn't exchanged pleasantries, or talked directly to each other. Though, they sat on the same side of the table, they were actually two seats apart. 

Later that night, he saw Justin writing on his small notes again, sitting on the top of the stairs, hidden from everyone else.

Before they retired to Babylon, Jess excused herself and Justin saying they had to be somewhere else in half an hour, thus, declining the invitation to the club. But not before promising they both be at Brian's birthday celebration at Woody's on Thursday evening.

The next night, he realized he didn't have Justin's phone number and there was no way he'd be going to ask the gangs for it.

Thursday came, it was only nine in the evening but their group was already on their second round of drinks. Most were already tipsy and so loud but they were having fun.

He already whispered on Justin's ear earlier that he would meet him at the loft at midnight. They could meet a little earlier but Brian knew he needed to go with his friends to Babylon and actually show them that he was having fun.

"Come on, Justin, let's show them how to rock and roll!" Brian's attention was caught by Jess, who was trying to drag Justin to the stage. He didn't know what was happening.

"Jess, you're drunk!" Justin protested yanking his arm back, but Brian knew he wasn't mad at her.

"But we have to do this. You need to show them how great we are. Besides, we need a gift for the birthday boy, and what's better than to sing a song to him." She told him begging with her big blue eyes.

'What the fuck? Was she serious about them singing? When did Justin ever sing? Jess was only joking, right?' 

"Jess, this is not the right--"

"Of course it is, silly. There's a mic and a baby grand, so we're set to go!"

"Oh my god,Jessica!"

"Hey, don't call me that!"

"Justin!, Justin!" Their table was suddenly chanting Justin's name. Brian looked like he just suddenly stepped in a twilight zone. He only hope the cousins wouldn't embarrass themselves to all these patrons. 

He also thought, his friends might be just humoring her. They wanted some entertainment and Jess was ready to provide it. Brian hopes this wouldn't end in a disaster.

"Hey, how about me?" Jess pouted. Emmett started to chant, "Jessie!, Jessie!", until their friends were doing it too. Yeah, his friends were nearly drunk now.

The blond cousins walked to a raised flat form at the corner of the bar. Their heads closed together as if conspiring a nuclear attacked to the whole humanity. 

Jess wasn't acting like she was drunk or even high, in fact, she looked so confident up there, taking the microphone and working the crowd like a professional.

"Listen here, people!" She said getting the attention of every fags and munchers in the establishment. "My name is Jess and that cute guy over there--" she was pointing at Justin who was checking the baby grand,"--is my cousin, Justin. We are known as Jus and Jess."

She giggled into the mic and so did the patrons.

"He is single and available." Justin looked up from checking the piano. He looked so horrified when the crowd was whistling and catcalling. Then she giggled like a seven year old girl.

Jess was kind of a cool lady, she reminded him so much about Daphne. That got him wondering if she and Justin were still communicating.

Then to his and all their friends amazement, Justin sat down on the baby grand and tried to play a few keys on it.

He never knew Justin could play.

"Hit it, Jus!" Jess said cheerfully taking the mic from the mic stand as Justin started playing the keyboards. "This is for you birthday boy!"

Holy shit! Justin was playing the key so smoothly while Jess started to sing. He couldn't take his eyes off of Justin.

//Honey, honey...// she crooned winking at Brian who was still sporting a deer in a headlights like expression. That was enough to encourage her to show off some more.

//I can see the stars all the way from here  
Can't you see the glow on the window pane?  
I can feel the sun whenever you're near  
Every time you touch me I just melt away//

The gangs' minds were literally blown by the unexpected show given by the blond duo. Brian hadn't seen this one coming.

//Baby, you're the one I love, Baby, you're all I need, You're the only one I see, Come on baby it's you.//

Justin played the keys expertly, smiling widely looking at her cousin as she belted out the song. The lady could really sing. Like really, really, sing.

//Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear (They say love hurts),  
But I know (It's gonna take a little work),  
Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it after fighting through my tears, and finally you put me first*

Brian's eyes were glued on Justin as he was now mouthing the words with Jess. He was smiling that sunshine smile as he played the keys like he was doing it every seconds of the day. It was so insanely sexy.

The crowd gave the dynamic duo a standing ovation while they both playfully curtsied down like the princesses they were.

Brian didn't take his eyes off of Justin even when they were sitting back again on their table. He was staring like he didn't know him before. Well, he absolutely didn't know this version of Justin.

They went on to Babylon after his friends were tired of gushing about the two blonds' talents. They couldn't stop but react especially to Justin's piano skills, which they never failed to tell him how he hadn't shared them that side of himself before. 

Justin answered that he hadn't really touched a keyboard after he was thirteen years old and just played once in a while when he was in Cleveland with Jess. When Brian glanced at her, he noticed she was looking forlornly at Justin. 

Brian dance with Michael for a couple of songs but after awhile though, he made an excuse to start hunting down his prey for the night. That made Michael a bit enthusiastic. He was always encouraging his friend to have fun.

In all honesty, he didn't like how Brian wasn't tricking that much like he used to when they were in their twenties to early thirties. He noticed for a couple of years now, that he only went clubbing for a few nights in a week, unlike the six nights when they were younger.

That was why he was more than happy to know that his best friend was going to enjoy his birthday with some gorgeous hunks pleasuring him all night long.

But none of that would be happening because Brian was on his way to meet Justin at his loft. He actually didn't see him since he took the dance floor with Michael, but he knew he'd be already at the loft waiting for him.

And he was right, just like the other night, he found Justin sitting on the floor with his notes again. At first, he thought, he might just be doodling like he always did. But the notebook was too small to even draw a decent flowers on.

There were no words exchanged, no uncertainty about what the others wanted from this meeting. They were naked as soon as the door slid shut.

They fucked so hard, so fast and a little bit rough. Justin might be sore for a couple of days because Brian could barely hold himself from pounding his ass vigorously and intensely. 

He was just so hard for Justin all evening and when Brian came near him smelling that intoxicating sweat, he just lost his mind. Justin was addicting, he'd always known about this. That was one of the reasons he couldn't get enough of him, the reason he couldn't get away before, even if he desperately wanted to.

Their orgasms were so great that Brian had doze off after he pulled out and threw the condom on the floor.

He woke up in few hours with a full bladder and he lazily groaned his frustration from disturbing his good night sleep. He stood up, though, and relieved himself in his bathroom.

He went to lie down once again but suddenly turned his head to the other side of the bed, realizing that he was alone. Justin wasn't in bed with him. 

"Justin?" He knew he wasn't there anymore even before calling his name tentatively. His voice had echoed to his silent and dark loft. Unsurprisingly, no one answered. He checked the clock and it was 3:07am.

He shrugged and lied down on the bed again. It was actually kind of good that they'd escape the morning awkwardness by Justin leaving. He really didn't dwell much on it as he fell back asleep.

He saw the gang again on Saturday morning for their weekly breakfast at Liberty diner. He wasn't surprised to see the two J's sitting on their table. He actually kind of expected them to be present and he also like to tell Justin he wanted to meet that night.

The morning was hilarious and Brian was enjoying the diner food for the first time in the long while now.

"We started to sing as a duet when we were like--was it 7, Jus?-- anyway, it was a surprised to my father on his birthday and we sang-- what was the song? A Kenny Rogers' song, right? Anyway, my dad and aunt Jen decided we have talents and they enrolled us to a musical theater and various voice lessons and we truly enjoyed it. Justin wanted to learn the drums, but his dad said he should learn piano instead and he did. And guess what? Me and Justin have been competing since we were eight. Of course, we always win! We are awesome like that!"

Brian handed her a glass of water and Jess beamed her version of sunshine smile at him.

"Thank you, Brian!" She said exuberantly.

Brian nodded then playfully said, "Well, you can add 'talking a mile a minute' to your long list of talents."

"Fuck you!" She laughingly retorted.

"You sure are lovely and all, but you're not my type."

Everyone was enjoying themselves and Justin was grinning radiantly. Brian had so many questions that he liked to ask Justin, like, how come he knew how to play an instrument and be an actual performer and no one in their family knew about it. 

He wanted to know why he never mentioned having a cousin before. Also, he wanted to know what time he left the loft the other night? 

But he pushed his curiosity down and resisted to ask, in fear it would make him appear interested in Justin's life, because he wasn't.

"So, you sing too, Justin?" Eric asked and before he could say anything, Jess answered.

"Yeah, sure he does, but he was a shy kid and preferred to hide behind a piano. But we were known as a duet singers when we were kids and my favorite song that we ever did was 'Total Eclipse of my Heart'. We were 10 that time and the prizes includes a trip to Disney World for 6 people. I tell you, we slayed it to the T. That was my favoritest song I've ever done with Justin."

"Of course, that would be your 'favoritest' song ever. I didn't sing any lines except for two fucking words, 'Turn around', over and over again. Until now I didn't know how you convinced Mr. Lopez that it would be a good idea to sing that song. It wasn't even categorized as duet, you freak." Justin snarked that made the gang laughed.

"Not two words, four actually. There were 'Turn around bright eyes' in there somewhere."

The table roared in laughter, even Brian was holding his stomach for laughing so hard. 

"You two sure can make a career out of singing. Are you doing gigs now? I once have done that in an Italian restaurant, it was okay, but I am a certified account and I guess, that's where my passion truly lies." Ted said drinking his coffee.

"Nah. That is just our favorite pass time. I'm already employed at Kendrick's Marketing. Meet the new executive secretary of Mr. Shawn Kendrick, the Vice President of the company." Jess proudly tell everyone his new job. There were another round of congratulations for her and she took it gracefully.

Not long after, the gang separated and he didn't have the opportunity to tell Justin about meeting him. 

Eric was telling Brian about one of his employees and didn't notice Justin, Jess and Emmet left together. He also still hadn't taken his phone number yet and he had no way of contacting him.

He was kind of mad at himself after realizing he was actually irritated with Justin. The little shit didn't even bother to give him a little attention and Brian was pissed off. 

But he caught himself in time. There was no way he cared if the twat would spare him a glance or no. He could go and fuck himself, for all he care.

But wasn't this what he had asked of Justin? Didn't Brian told him he didn't want anyone knowing they were fucking again? Justin was nothing but being obedient to him.

He must be getting crazy, this love and hate war he had inside of him regarding Justin was driving him insane.

Honestly, it was just weird to be ignored by someone who used to stalk you day in day out. It didn't even look like Justin was struggling to keep away from him this time around, which was the reason he was so pissed off.

And what was about the request of 'no falling in love again'? What was the reason behind him saying that? Was that a way for Justin saying this was just a fuck for him?

The fact that not even one of his friends asked how he felt about Justin's home coming, it was a testament that they didn't really view their two years together as a real relationship. 

Honestly, he never did, too, at that time. But, he guessed, as time passed by, it made him contemplate on things he hadn't thought of before. With time, some things became clearer and much easier to understand.

But his friends were acting like they never even saw him after the bashing. Well, they mostly saw him fucking every hot men at Babylon, and cursing him for being an asshole. But the fact he nearly died waiting for Justin to wake up from his coma, or that he fucking went to the twat's prom, that meant something, right?

They also lived together for almost a year before Justin left with the fiddler. Of course, it wasn't always pretty, but they were together, whether he admitted or denied it. Their friends should have seen that, he definitely did. Well, it took him couple of years after they broke up to realize and admitted it to himself, but still.

He really didn't care either way. Didn't he tell Justin to be discreet about them fucking again? Well, he was partly relieved that no one was bothering him about Justin because he still hadn't fully grasped at the implications that he was now back in their lives and that they were fucking again. He really needed the time to process it all.

The next evening, Brian arrived at Debbie's in a very nice red Armani shirt, and for once in his lifetime, came exactly on time. That made him the target for teasing that night but he never minded. He was more focused on getting Justin's phone number before the night ended.

It turned out, the dynamic duo, together with Emmett, weren't going to attend the dinner that night. He also learned that Justin was a new employee at Emmett's catering business and had started as an all around guy. Meaning, he was hired from being an event planner, to designing the invitations, props and etcetera, to being a server. 

He was so annoyed beyond belief, but, it wasn't his loss if Justin was working instead of being fuck in the ass until he was a quivering mess. He went with the rest of the guys to Babylon and brought a sexy brunet to his loft after midnight.

It got him thinking though, if Justin had finished his degree while in Cleveland. He was such a talented artist. He had been a subject for too many times of his genius creations. But, he hadn't seen the twat with his sketchbook since he came back.

He didn't see Justin for the whole week. He tried to subtlety pry some information from the gang, but all he could get, was that Justin was busy with his work with Emmett's planning events.

He once saw Jess at the diner on Wednesday buying a lunch for two. He could have gotten Justin's number from her, except Eric and Ted were with him and he didn't want them knowing he asked for Justin's number.

So, he let the opportunity passed. Few days after, he still hadn't seen him or got a hold of his number and Brian was itching to be with Justin.

He went to Babylon on Friday evening and it turned out to be his lucky night. Justin was already there, dancing with a redhead hunk, when Brian arrived. 

Michael, Eric and Emmet were all shaking their booties on the dance floor, too. He walked to the bar, deciding to wait for his opportunity to pounce on Justin, and ordered a whiskey.

After about 10 minutes, he saw Justin headed towards the bar but still hadn't noticed that he was there. He was almost at the counter when he spotted Brian and gave him a smile.

"Hey, Brian." He cheerfully greeted him leaning a bit forward to get the bartender's attention. Justin kept his back to the dance floor and Brian moved his head ever so slightly, whispering to his ear, "Meet me at the back alley in 10 minutes."

He didn't know what made him say that, but he saw how Justin was startled by his proposition. After few moments, though, he nodded his head and drank his water in one go.

Brian wasn't really planning on fucking Justin at the back alley, he'd just let him think that he was. Maybe he'd give the twat a hand job, telling him to meet at his loft by midnight, getting his phone number, then, leaving him in a daze from his hot kisses.

"Boss, mind to give your poor employee a free scotch?" Eric suddenly appeared on his side, swaying lightly.

"Yeah, I do. Get water, I won't mind if you finish the night's supply away."

"Kill joy. What's the use of being friends with the club owner if you can't even get a free drinks." Eric pouted who copied Brian's position.

"You owned Babylon?" He heard the surprised voice of Justin on his other side.

He turned to look at the blond and was about to answer when Eric cut him off. "You don't know, Justin? Man, you must be away for so long if you didn't know that."

It was an innocent comment, both Justin and Brian knew that. They both knew Eric had a zero knowledge about their past. But he saw Justin shifted uncomfortably, saying, "The dance floor is waiting."

Justin walked away from the bar and headed to the main exit, when the redhead he was dancing before intercepted him. He was asking Justin if he was going already. With the speakers standing near them, he just nodded his head to answer Red's question who leaned forward and told Justin he wanted to hook up with him.

He wasn't really interested in tricking with anonymous guys and so he stood on the tip of his toes, said to his ears that he already had someone to go home with that night. Red looked disappointed but gave him a nice smile nevertheless.

He was waiting for ten minutes when Brian finally showed up. He was leaning on a car hugging his cardigan closed to his body as if he was cold. The air was breezy in June nights, but not cold.

Without saying anything, he yanked the young man from his comfortable position and lead him to a more secluded and darker part of the alley. He then turned the gaping Justin, a little roughly, facing the wall.

Justin couldn't find any words with what was happening, but then, he was used in knowing how unpredictable Brian could be. 

When he was turned around into the wall, he braced himself for a rough fucking. But before he could close his eyes, Brian handed him a phone right to his face, saying, "Put your number in there."

Justin was a bit perplexed as he looked at Brian over his shoulder, who was now fishing a condom and lube from his pocket. Justin punched his number and returned the phone while Brian opened his zipper and yanked down on Justin's pants. 

He grunted loudly when two lube coated fingers entered him without a warning. And with little time, Brian was already inside him.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath as he felt the pain of being breached with little preparation, but he didn't dare complain. 

He kind of wanted it, too, he was definitely missing those nights when Brian got a little kinky and dominant. They both experimented with little bondage before and decided that they'd keep it for special occasions.

In just a matter of time, he was rocking with Brian and moaning incoherently as he was being fucked with every inch of his life.

Brian was growling like an animal, tightening his hold on his chest while running his other hand to Justin's cock. He bit Justin's neck when he orgasm and didn't stop fucking his ass until the blond was shouting his pleasures.

Justin slumped his tired body forward, resting his head on his arms that were still on the brick wall. He honestly thought he was incapable of walking. But before he could do or say anything, Brian whispered, "I'll call you."

Justin opened his eyes and turned to look at him. If he didn't know better, he'd say Brian was angry with him. He didn't have the time to ponder, though, because Brian was already walking away.

Justin was so confounded with what just happened. What did he do now? They both seemed okay when they were at the bar. He didn't know what happened between the time he left until Brian came to the alley.

He kept staring at his retreating back until Brian turned the corner and he was gone. Justin was left alone in that dark alley wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

He guessed, he just have to suck it up. After all, this was beyond what he had imagined when he decided to come back. He wanted every single moment that Brian could give him. 

Didn't mean his heart wasn't breaking, because it really did. He stood steadily on his legs, zipping his pants up, then he called a cab. He stayed at the alley for few more minutes until he saw the taxi parked at the curb.

Brian went back to the bar, thinking, what had happened back there. He knew he was harsh to Justin before, but what he did back at the alley, was utterly cruel. 

He didn't like it when he saw Justin talking to the redhead before going out to wait for him. He never even planned to fuck him that way but he also never considered his strong reaction to what he had seen.

He was being irrational and wicked and Justin didn't deserve it. They had played a little rough before, but he always made sure that Justin was agreeable beforehand. He just hope he didn't hurt the young man.

He was eyeing for Justin the rest of the night but he wasn't lucky to spot him anywhere in the club. They were leaving Babylon at quarter after one when they all decided to have a late coffee at the diner. 

Jess was frantically dialing her phone walking ahead of them. Brian deduced, she was calling Justin because the blond wasn't with them right now, and that tugged a little on his conscience.

"I'm just going to head home, guys." Jess said as she stopped from advancing her step, fishing her car key from her jeans distractedly.

Brian started to breathe heavily. What was happening? Where was Justin?

"Something's wrong with Justin, honey?" Emmett asked and Brian anxiously waited for her answer.

"No, no, nothing's wrong with him. He is already home. He said he just got tired and took a cab. He left a voicemail, I just didn't get it before I freaked out."

Well, obviously the little twat was just being a princess. He let out a deep breath and got annoyed that Justin had them worried. For all he know, the twat might be spending a night with someone right now. Like some redhead trolls at Babylon.

"Why do you need to run home then? He doesn't need a babysitter, does he?" Brian snarked.

Jess just looked at him with an unreadable expression. It was longer than Brian was comfortable with. Then she shook her head, looking him straight in the eyes, "No, he doesn't. Justin is in fact the bravest man I've ever known."

Then she glanced around the gang and smiled, "Got to go, guys. See you all tomorrow morning." She waved a little then rushed away to her car.

When they all turned to walk again, Ted spoke up, side glancing at Brian. "Must be an asshole, Bri?"

He scoffed, then lit a cigarette but kept his silence the rest of the night. 

He was actually confused when it came to Justin. His emotions were all over the place when he was around him. 

This was the reason he didn't want to be closed to someone again. They'd just leave you crazy, played with your emotions, then broke your soul. In the end, you'd still be alone, wrecked and broken.

Next morning, Brian wasn't in the mood to interact with the gang. Justin seemed to be doing all right and was his usual self toward him. That meant, he was being ignored. 

He just kept on drinking his coffee and ate some toast reading the business section of Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

He didn't try to talk to Justin or asked him to come to his place. He didn't want to appear too eager to be with him again, and honestly, he wanted a little space from the twat right now. 

In the end, he went with Michael and Eric to their place. They were living as roommates for nearly a year now, and they seemed to get along just fine.

He texted him the next morning, though, inviting him for a morning fuck. Justin replied immediately, saying, he would be in his place in half an hour. As promised, he was knocking on his door at exactly 10:44 am. 

He gave Justin a mind blowing blowjob, and when he was a writhing mess under Brian, he asked him to just fuck him already.

Brian remembered how roughly he fucked Justin that night at the alley and he needed to make sure the young man wasn't hurt.

"Why'd you stop? Come on, Brian, fuck me." He panted through Brian's lips licking it like a melting ice cream.

Brian kissed him back for a while then pulled away to look him in the eye. "I didn't-- uh, that night? -- at the alley, I mean. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Justin's eyes softened a bit shaking his head telling him, "No, no, you didn't. I was sore for the night, but I'm okay. Please, fuck me, now."

Brian stared at him for a moment more, then he leaned down to kiss him again. Now with more tongue and more nipping and biting. 

He fucked Justin so hard he knew he would be feeling him the rest of the day. And Brian liked that idea.

Well, he thought, they would order in for lunch. A Thai food from their favorite restaurant, then they could proceed on fucking again and again until they needed to separate to go to have dinner at Debbie's.

Except, Justin was dressing up when he came out of the bathroom after taking a piss. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He schooled his feature, clearing his throat and Justin looked up at him, smiling.

"Hey, I'll be on my way in just a minute-- if I could just find the other pair of my socks." He chuckled a bit crouching down to find the said missing sock.

"You have anywhere else to be?" Because, yeah, he just assumed Justin was available for the day.

Justin triumphantly found his sock and sat down on the side of the bed to put it on his foot.

He looked up at Brian nodding and said, "Yeah, I was actually at Emmett's shop, we were planning our next party. It was a silver anniversary for the parents of one of Jess' workmates. I was on my early lunch break." He beamed up at him.

Oh.

"Oh." He nodded nonchalantly and padded to the kitchen taking water from the fridge. Justin walked to the door picking his bag on the way, opened the door, waved at him with a simple "later", then he was gone.

Oh, well. 

He took a shower and ordered lunch from the deli two blocks away. He spent his afternoon working on an account and stopped just before he needed to be at Debbie's.

He arrived a little late but still so early by his standard. He shrugged the teasing and proceeded to sit on a chair opposite to Eric and Justin who were on the couch together and seemed to have a serious discussion.

He didn't realize he was staring until he caught Michael's eyes who was looking at him questioningly. Well, here we go. He knew Michael wouldn't let the night go by without talking to him. 

Why wait, right? And so he stood and walked right out the back door. He lit a cigarette as he heard the patio door opened and Michael was standing beside him.

"Brian..." He started, "Are you... Uh...please tell me you're not planning on fucking Justin again."

Why Michael thought it would be anyone's business who he fucked-- he actually had no idea. He never made it his whoever his friends were fucking, why couldn't he get the same courtesy?

Just to make his best friend got off his back even for awhile, he lied, "I'm not planning on fucking Justin again."

Michael looked him in the eyes as if making sure he wasn't lying. Brian looked back sternly, as if challenging him. But after a few moment, Michael was nodding his head.

"That's good. He was fucking that fiddler behind your back, then left Pittsburgh without even telling any of us except in a letter. I don't want you to be on that position again, Brian. At least, he doesn't seems to be stalking you this time around. He must've get over you already. Besides, didn't you see how he was dry humping that guy at Babylon the other night?"

Thanks for reminding, captain obvious, he bitterly thought. He clenched his jaws and threw the cigarette butt on the floor then stomped on it with his boots a little forcefully. Michael surely knew how to push his buttons, didn't he?

"He was nothing to me before and he is certainly nothing to me now. He didn't hurt me when he ran away and he absolutely will not hurt me even if he will disappear in my life again. Actually, he can go tonight, tomorrow, next week or next month or whenever he saw fit to leave again and see if I care. I will never care."

Just then he felt a cold air running down his spine and when he looked over Michael's shoulder, he found himself looking in to the deep pool of Justin's blue eyes. 

He couldn't decipher the young man's expression but Brian knew for sure that his words must be so painful to hear. He admitted it was unnecessarily cruel. 

They held each other's eyes, until after a few agonizing seconds, Justin just silently closed the door without even alerting Michael of his presence.

Brian nudged his friend and told him to go inside the house. He told him he'd come in after few minutes. 

It was a coward thing to do but he needed a few moment alone knowing what he'd expectedly find inside the house. Justin must be queening out and the drama would unfold. 

Everyone would stick their noses where they weren't needed after knowing that they were fucking again. What's with a few more moment of peace and quiet, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Love on Top by Beyoncé


	4. When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I can update tomorrow, so, I posted chapter 4 in advance.

When he came inside, everyone was already on the table and Justin was sitting next to Vic. They were talking animatedly and Justin was talking a mile a minute while cutting his lasagna to a bite size, just like he used to do.

"Sit down, Brian, and eat a real food for once, for god sake." Debbie's voice brought him back from his trance and he walked to the only available seat left that was on the opposite side of Justin. He was sitting between Ted and Gus.

He tried to sense Justin's mood but he couldn't detect neither hostility nor disappointment, not even a hint of anger. He kept throwing glances at him the whole meal still gauging his reactions, but Justin seemed really okay.

So, it looked like Justin didn't care about what he heard. Well, that was good, right? Except it was kind of a let down that Justin didn't even react to his ruthlessness.

This mixed feelings he always had with regards to the twat made him want to pull his hair out. It was driving him mad to be cold towards Justin in a minute then he'd be hot in next.

Before going to Babylon, Debbie let them all eat a slice of apple pie with a cup of coffee. "You all will burn the calories within 5 minutes of shaking your asses, so, eat!"

That time, he saw Justin sitting on the floor with Gus. He was showing him something on his phone and based on his kid's smile he must be showing him something cool. He saw Gus nodded his head enthusiastically, then said, "It's really cool, Jus!"

Well, what he said, right? But he was more than a little curious what Justin was showing his son on his phone that apparently was so cool. 

Gus stood up to put his empty plate on the sink and he saw Justin pulled out the small notes from the front pocket of his bag. He was writing furiously on it until Gus came back and he subtlety put it back in his bag.

One thing he was sure though, he wouldn't be asking either of them about it. Well, maybe he could make Gus tell him without looking too much interested. He guessed, he'd be visiting his kid next weekend.

The dynamic duo came with them to Babylon and Justin was dancing with Blake and Eric the whole time. In couple of hours, Jess came to whisper something on his cousin's ear. He saw them kissed their friends' cheeks, then left the club.

Not even a glance in his direction.

He counted the days when he would invite Justin to his place. It was already Thursday but he hadn't seen Justin even once. At first, he thought he was just being busy with Emmet but he found Emmet the day before having lunch with Michael on their usual booth at Liberty diner.

He tried to ask Emmet about his business, but his friend only cheerfully told him, that it was doing really great. He said, Justin had so many fresh ideas about themes and designs. He didn't supply anymore information after that and Brian stopped himself from prying anymore. He didn't want Michael to freak again.

Then he called Justin the next afternoon at around 4:30, but he never picked up, and Brian didn't call again. But then Justin called him around six. He let it ring and answered on the sixth ring with a bored voice.

"Yeah?"

"Brian?"

"Are you expecting someone? You call my phone, right?" Damn, Brian didn't know why, but Justin always made him so defensive.

"Uh, yeah, but I was actually returning your call. Sorry, I didn't get it, I was with a friend earlier-- we kinda got busy--"

A Friend? Whose friend? The question was on the tip of his tongue but Brian swallowed it, together with the lump that had formed in his throat.

"You don't have to cut your time with your 'friend' to call me back." He snapped.

"Oh, no, that's not a problem at all, I already left his house and we will meet up tomorrow again, anyway. So, about your call? Do you want me to come over tonight?" He asked hopefully.

But, Brian's mind was stuck on 'Left his house' and 'we will meet up tomorrow', repeating like a broken record. 

Justin had been tricking? 

That wasn't really new, he tricked when they were together before, occasionally.

Well, then, Justin could just go and suck his trick's cock because he was certainly not sucking Brian's cock tonight.

"No, not tonight. I already have a plan. I need to cut this short, I have work to finish before I can play all night long." He said in a cold voice.

"Oh. Uh, okay. I just thought-- anyway, enjoy your night. Bye, Brian."

At times like this, he badly missed the Justin of eight years ago. The one who would never take no for an answer. The very persistent little shit who was like his shadow following him everywhere.

God, what was happening to him. He couldn't fall on that Justin trap again, not when he was seeing someone else too. He said he'd be 'meeting up AGAIN' with the guy he had been with just now. So, it wasn't a one time thing. What the fuck?

It felt like a deja vu all over again.

But could it be just Emmett? But if it was Em, why Justin didn't just say so? 

His mind supplied, 'Because he wasn't telling you shit this time around, you genius.' In fact everyone seemed to know what Justin was doing before him.

He dialed Emmett, while his mind was trying to come up with something he needed to talk and not appeared he was just fishing for information.

"Well, hello, Brian. May wonder never cease. It's such a privilege to receive a call from you. Which I never did by the way." Emmet answered sarcastically.

"Are you too busy to get laid? You know, it shows you haven't had any recently. Try getting laid sometime in the near future, if not you'll turn into a bitter fag. You already have some symptoms. I'll be careful if I were you." He retorted.

He heard Emmet took a deep breath. "Sorry, Brian, just a long day you know."

"I thought you said you were doing great especially after a certain little blond angel works with you now. Is he showing tardiness?" This was his opportunity and Brian wasn't known of not grabbing what was being served to him on a silver platter.

"Justin? God, no! The kid, well, he isn't a kid anymore. He is 25, can you imagined that? Anyway, Justin is literally a godsend. He works so hard but he asked since Monday to be free on 3:30 except yesterday when we had a kid's party that lasted until 5 pm. He said it was just important and needed to be somewhere. He deserves it and he is working his ass off, what's with few hours, right? He compensated it though by coming to my house at six and he's not home until like 8 sometimes 9. Though, he just texted me a while ago that he couldn't make it this evening, but he'll be here tomorrow. So... Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

Bingo.

"Oh, yeah, I was just wondering if, you know, you can give me your business cards and I might get you a couple of clients. I had one last week who told me he was planning on surprising his wife with an awesome birthday party and I gave him your number. I didn't have your card,so... A certain Mister Tuazon hadn't called you?" He was mentally patting his back with his quick thinking.

"No, Brian. But I'll surely do that. Justin just made a new design card for us and it is really good. I'll make sure I give it to you the next time I see you."

"Yeah, you do tha--"

"Brian, hold on a minute? I just need to answer the land line." Damn, why didn't Emmet just hang up on him. But after few moment, he heard him back on the receiver. "It was Justin, he was calling me on my phone but obviously it was busy--anyway, he's coming. He said his friend has an important things to do."

Well, Justin could just go back to his 'other friend' and do something important too. So important he needed to go running at 3:30 to 6 since Monday. The twat could go suck everyone on this burgh and see if he cared.

God, he was so furious with Justin.

That night, he fucked a twink at Babylon and brought another one to the loft. He wasn't out tricking like he used to, but, this life of fucking, sucking, drinking and drugging was the life he was made of. 

This was what he knew and been doing for so long. He'd be damn if he would give it up for someone else, not even Justin.

The next night, the whole gang was having a good Friday evening at Babylon. Brian didn't even acknowledge Justin's presence and was going in and out of the backroom like there was no tomorrow. 

It wasn't the usual sights for Brian these past few years, and Michael was almost bouncing with happiness, because his friend was back.

Brian was dancing with a gorgeous man and dry humping him on the middle of the dance floor. 

Justin didn't seem affected by any of it, as he was laughing and dancing with Blake, that just fueled Brian's anger with the young man.

As they all sat at the diner before calling it a night, Brian was sitting on a corner sipping his coffee silently.

"You know, Brian, I kind of expected you to be on your 236th orgasms already with some chiseled brunets in your bed. But instead you're here drinking coffee with us who didn't even have a single orgasm tonight." It was Michael, of course.

He looked up and lazily shrugged. "No one was worth bringing home tonight."

"Hey, Michael, it's not only Brian who was getting some tonight." Ted smirked and glanced at his partner who winked back at him.

Brian was miming being gagged and Emmet was cheerfully clapping, saying, "Way to go, Teddy."

"How about you, Jus?" Eric asked the blond who choked on his coffee. Eric chuckled and was gently patting his back. "It wasn't a hard question, was it?"

"Uh, no. I was just--" he stuttered but then his phone rang a little louder on a silent night at the diner. He fished it out and felt kinda relieved he didn't have to answer Eric's inquisition. "Okay, I'll be right out." He said to his phone then ending the call.

He abruptly stood up and gave Eric a smile that was a little wickedly and said to all of them, "Well, Jess was outside. She said she is so tired, if not she will come inside and have some coffee. So need to go now! Bye, you all!" Then he was out the door.

Eric and Blake were laughing like they shared something the rest of them didn't know. Or Brian was just a little drunk or paranoid.

"He was totally having some." Emmett mysteriously said with a hint of a little envy. That perked Brian's interest.

"Really? Does he have a boyfriend?" Michael asked suspiciously.

"I don't know. Nah, don't think so. But last week, he asked me to have an early lunch and when he came back he looked so fucked out. He was bouncing all afternoon."

"He is using work time to go get fucked? That was unprofessional." Michael was digging his own grave here.

"I said, he asked for an early lunch break. And Brian is being unprofessional?" Emmet asked dunking a piece of toast to his coffee. Brian glanced up at him.

"Justin, Em, I was talking about Justin not Brian. We all know Brian is professional in his work."

"But he was using work time, your words not mine, to go get fucked. How was that different from Justin?"

"Because Brian owns his own company and he can do whatever he wants. Justin is just few weeks working with you and already using the time he should be working getting his ass fucked."

"So it is okay if it was Brian, but to anyone it isn't? You forgot Brian didn't start working on his own company though, he was working at Ryder longer than he has Kinnetik and he was fucking left and right while in work but you seemed to be okay with that. Didn't hear you complaining before." Emmett was in his full bitchy mode.

Brian had enough, though, and so he stood up and threw a ten dollar bill on the table. "Thank you for talking about me as if I wasn't here at all. I really appreciate that." 

Then he pushed Michael and Emmett who were sitting with him on the same side of the booth. He went out of the diner without glancing back. This just made him a lot angrier and he'd be sure sleep would be scarce tonight.

He went to the diner the next morning just out of habit, and there was actually a little tension on each and everyone of them. Well, except for Justin and Jess, who had no idea there was a tension or what had caused it. The muncherville family was thankfully absent.

Brian planned on visiting Gus that morning and the kid was actually excited to meet him as he called him the day before. He told his dad he was going to meet him at the park two blocks away from his house at 10 am.

Brian protested at first but Gus promised him he would be okay going two blocks and he went farther than just two blocks before. It was kind of a horrific revelation to Brian, and when he asked Lindsay, she just chuckled a bit saying, "Brian, Gus is eight and he is a boy. Of course he wanted to go out. He promised not to go farther than 3 blocks though, so don't worry."

Well, that was encouraging. He left but not before noticing Justin left with Blake and Ted.

He arrived at the park with few minutes to spare and Brian sat on the bench waiting for his son. Not a moment after, he saw him riding a bike, making a beeline to him with the biggest smile he had ever seen on Gus.

"Dad!" He yelled.

"Be careful, Gus." He nervously uttered standing up. Gus stopped in front of him still smiling so widely it maybe hurting his face.

"Dad, isn't it cool?" He said showing him the bike and Brian had to admit it was really cool. He didn't think he had seen a very unique design on a bike before.

"Yeah, it looks great. I never knew they sell bike with design this good though."

"They aren't. Mine is customized. Justin did it!" He was beaming proudly huffing his chest out a little bit. "He's really awesome. My friends are so jealous."

What?

"What? What do you mean customized by Justin?" This was a surprised and Brian hated surprises.

"Dad, Justin did the design, then showed to me last Sunday and I approved. So he came by the house this week, after my school, so that I can watched him do my bike. He just finished last Thursday." He enthusiastically said to his father.

Brian thought the wind just got knocked out of him. What the fuck? Justin's friend was Gus?

So, he wasn't out fucking some schmuck, but instead, he was doing some fantastic thing for his son. This was all fucked up. 

He was suddenly filled with much guilt as he remembered how he treated Justin since the redhead at Babylon.

He spent the day with Gus, eating lunch at a hotdog stand, and had snacks in an ice cream parlor. Brian would just burn the extra calories the next day at the gym or he could have it tonight between the sheets with... Damn!

He followed Gus in his car, while he was riding his bike. When he came back to the loft, it was already four in the afternoon. He texted Justin to come over at 8pm, took a shower and he napped in front of the TV.

He woke up at seven and feel so refreshed. He went to pee and brushed his teeth, ordered Thai food that mostly Justin's favorite.

Justin. He didn't check if he replied his message before he napped.

He crossed the living room and took his phone on the sofa where he left it and found Justin had replied with one word, 'sure'.

When Justin arrived, just few minutes later than the delivery guy, he found the loft door slightly ajar. He slid it a little just enough for him to pass. When he was inside, he looked around in alarm. 

But then, he saw Brian in the kitchen taking the food out from its container, putting it on two plates. "Hey, I hope you're hungry. I ordered too much. It's Thai." He said sparing Justin a glance.

Justin nodded and closed the door shut. He went to where Brian was and asked if he could help him with anything. He gestured to the fridge and said, "Yeah, water." Then Brian brought both plates to the sofa and switched on the TV.

He channel surfed for a while and Justin sat beside him putting the bottles of water on the coffee table. Brian settled on Will Smith's Independence Day. They ate in silence with minimal talking but Brian glanced at him every now and then.

He wanted to tell Justin he knew about Gus' bike and that he appreciated him for doing something for his kid. But as usual, words wouldn't come out. Justin took his empty plate to the sink rinsing and putting it inside the dishwasher. 

It looked so domestic and at home, it was almost as if he didn't leave the loft six years ago. Brian felt his chest tightened a little bit.

He couldn't help but follow him to the kitchen. It was so long since he fucked Justin, it was almost a week actually.

When he was behind him, he held Justin's waist and turned him around. He was a bit startled but Brian was already started kissing him passionately. 

His hands went inside Justin's shirt and he could feel the heat radiating from the young man's body. He lifted his shirt up and took it off kissing his neck trailing his tongue to his nipples down to his navel then back up again to Justin's puffy lips.

He slowly unbuttoned Justin's jeans and unzipped it while Justin frantically taking Brian's shirt off. He was touching Brian's chest, his abdomen, then his back, while dry humping him like animal in heat. Well, it looked like, Justin had missed his cock, too.

Brian turned him around again, leaning his body forward on to the kitchen table by pushing Justin's shoulder a little. It wasn't sanitary to fuck where you prepare your food, but Brian was already far in his head to think about sanitation.

He opened his fly, unzipped his pants, putting the condom on his dick, squirting small amount of lube expertly while kissing Justin's neck without a hitch. Then he yanked Justin's pants down and inserted two lube fingers as he loudly grunted with the intrusion.

Brian bit on Justin's neck who was starting to lose his control. He was moaning so loudly, and writhing underneath him. "Fuck me, Brian. Come on."

Brian did. He removed his fingers and nudged his hard dick on Justin's entrance pushing it with one thrust. He paused only for a few deep breaths, then pulled out to almost the tip and plunged in again, then again and again.

Justin was already incoherent and Brian was holding his hips tightly fucking him so fast. Justin was biting his arm to stop himself from shouting. Brian wanted it hard and he remembered Justin liked it that way either.

When Justin thought he was so close to orgasm, Brian suddenly pulled out. He groaned his frustration but he was turned around to face Brian and he plunged it in again without warning. 

Justin gasped at the sensation and was lifting his upper body reaching to kiss him on the mouth. His eyes were dazed as they moaned on each other's mouth and both their hands were jacking Justin's dick off together. 

It was so wet and dirty and so good that Brian kept on bruising Justin's lips as he finally rode his orgasm. Brian released his lips as he was spurting his cum out and bit Justin on his neck groaning savagely. 

He was aware that he would be leave a marking for few days, but finding it so hot. With few more hard thrust, Justin was coming and whispered Brian's name again and again.

They were breathing so hard, slumped on the table with cereal and sugar containers rolling precariously. "Brian..." Justin breathlessly whispered. "... I think my legs just died."

Brian chuckled a little and lifted his body giving Justin a small peck on his hickey, then on his bruised lips. He pulled his dick out holding it on the base as they both grunted at the loss of contact. 

Brian threw the condom on the trash can near the fridge and Justin tried to stand on his wobbly legs still looking so fuck out.

"Let me catch my breath then I'm ready for round two." Brian said giving Justin a wicked smile softly patting his butt.

The young man shook his head returning Brian's smile, saying, "You're insatiable."

"You complaining?" Arching his eyebrow.

"No, not at all. Do I have a time to piss before the second round then?"

Brian gestured his arm to the direction of the bathroom. After his bathroom break, he found Brian on the bed with a bottle of water on his hand. He handed it to Justin and the young man gratefully took it, drinking until it was half.

Brian took the bottle again and settled it down on his side table then turned to leer at Justin. "Roll over." He growled.

Justin did. He felt Brian kissing him from his neck, down to his back. He parted his cheeks, then Brian's tongue was rimming his ass. 

He always loved rimming Justin. He wanted the sound emanated from him when he stuck his tongue inside his ass. It was insanely erotic.

His hands were caressing Justin's thigh up, scratching it with his nails. Then he lowered it to his balls and fingering his perineum.

Justin was in heaven and he was fucking his ass on Brian's tongue. Then in just a matter of seconds, he was suddenly being breached by Brian's hard cock. It was so fast he didn't even realize Brian had already sheathed himself and was now plowing his tight ass.

Brian dragged their fucking for so long Justin thought he was going to lose his mind. He was thrusting deep in his ass, so fast, and so hard. Then, he'd stop to slow it down torturously. 

They ended up fucking face to face again. Justin hadn't even aware he was turned around like a rag doll. But to his utter relief, Brian let them come after what felt like a hundred years.

Brian exhaustedly slid down to his side of the bed wrapping an arm to Justin's chest, still feeling the high from a great orgasm. They were panting so hard like they just ran a marathon.

When their breaths steadied down a bit, Justin looked over to his night table. He sat up after a while running his fingers through his hair. Brian was puzzled when Justin stood up looking around the floor. 

He followed him with his eyes when he walked to the kitchen, and couldn't believe when he saw Justin was dressing up in there.

"I should be getting home." He said after coming back to the bedroom, all dressed up. He glanced over the night stand again checking the time on the clock.

Brian wanted to ask why he was hurrying up to go when it was still so early. He glanced at the clock and found that, yes it was still early. It was just 10:42 pm.

But he kept his silence for awhile and just shrugged his shoulders thinking Justin must be going to Babylon. 

"You going to Babylon?" Brian asked him while he was fixing his shoes on.

Justin shook his head no. "Are you?" He countered, then he suddenly looked at Brian as if realizing he just asked the wrong question.

"Maybe later." 

Justin nodded and smiled at him tentatively, glancing on his clock again. Brian followed his eyes and saw it was 10:54. Justin was acting like he couldn't wait to flee his place.

He was so baffled by this action and if he was being honest, he was kind of a little hurt.

Justin jogged to the door, lifting his bag that was laying on the floor. He turned around looking a bit upset, which surprised Brian, saying, "Enjoy your night, Brian."

He gave him a wave, then he was gone.

Brian didn't get to go to Babylon. He was looking up the ceiling for most of the night, thinking why Justin was looking like he didn't want to go but he was acting like he couldn't wait to flee. And that look in his eyes were saying something that Brian was trying to understand.

In the end, he did understand. It was because of their first night and his eleven o'clock trick. Justin was in a hurry not to be there when his trick would show up.

Brian arrived on time again the next evening for Debbie's weekly dinner. He was a little puzzled when Justin arrived with Blake and Ted in their new Audi without Jess.

Everyone seemed to know why she wasn't coming though, because no one asked Justin about it. Debbie mentioned while they were eating that she kept a portion for Jess to be taken home with Justin. That's when he realized, he seemed to be the only one who didn't know where Justin and Jess were living.

Justin came with them to Babylon, and when Brian told him he wanted to meet at around 11, Justin fumbled with a shaky, "At the alley?"

That went straight to Brian's chest. The looked on Justin's face was so similar to when he was seventeen after Brian did something terrible to him.

He shook his head, softly saying, "At the loft."

Justin smiled a bit but he could feel that he was delighted with the invitation. After a while, he found him whispering to Blake and Ted, gesturing his hand to the main exit.

He left Babylon within minutes after Justin's departure. He was home though, before the young man arrived. He guessed, Justin walked from the club to his loft and thought he should have at least given him a ride. 

They fucked twice that night, and by his second orgasm, Brian drifted off to slumber.

He woke up after couple of hours and found Justin had left again. He glanced to his clock and saw it was already 4:12 am. What time did he leave? And why?

Well, Justin might just want to spare them from an awkward morning, and so, Brian didn't really dwell on it that much.

He invited Justin almost every night after that, and for some reason or another, he always left after they fucked. Brian didn't try to ask him about it, or even asked him for a sleep over, though he kind of wanted to. 

But on the other hand, he didn't want what he and Justin had now to be anymore complicated than it already was. He also continued not to directly interact with him in public and Justin was doing the same.

Brian seemed to be contented with this arrangement. Justin seemed to be okay with it too, and so far, he hadn't had any complaints or demands. 

If he was being honest, he felt Justin didn't want to have what they had back before he left Brian for the fiddler.

Brian always thought this new arrangement was his ideal relationship before. This was what he wanted to have with Justin, the great fucking without the extra emotional baggage. The one that Brian wasn't really comfortable talking or showing. 

Well, Justin was just seventeen when they met, and it had been six years since they last saw each other. Maybe, with that span of time, Justin had realized Brian was right about relationships.

It could also be, he'd just gotten mature to know when to push or not. It was possible, too, that he wasn't just liked what he used to be or not feel what he used to feel for Brian.

Before, he never failed to tell him how much he loved him and he showed it to the point it was almost an obsession. Now, Justin seemed to be the total opposite of himself from years back. 

Except for the times when they were fucking, it was as if Brian didn't exist in Justin's world outside the four corners of his loft.

Well, at least he was still so eager to come over whenever he asked him to. It looked like some things never changed, and thank fuck for that.

Except, on one hot August evening, he invited Justin to come over as soon as he arrived from his three days business trip to New York. They hadn't been together since he left Friday evening, and he was kind of expected them to fuck their brains out that night. 

Justin texted him back that he couldn't make it on eight, but he could come at around eleven.

What the fuck? 

He texted Justin not to bother anymore because he had a planned by then. The simple reply of 'Okay' got him more furious.

For the three months that they had been fucking, he never corrected Justin's assumption of his eleven o'clock tricks. He never told him that he never invited anyone when he was planning on meeting Justin.

Except that one time their first night together.

If he was hurrying up to get out of the loft minutes before eleven, though he kind of wanted to tell him to stay, he never straightened it up with Justin.

Now, he needed to log on to the site where he hooked up with tricks.

The gorgeous man arrived after half an hour and Brian fucked him twice then kicked him out.

He was at his office the next early morning, sipping his latte, when Ted came in with some papers to sign. Brian was telling him about his trip and handed him the new contract he acquired on weekend.

"So, how was your weekend, Theodore? Boring as usual, I supposed. My employees must be having a great day yesterday with me not being here."

"They were all fine, Brian. And if you must know my weekend wasn't that boring as you would have thought."

"Really. Do tell. Did you tie Blake this time instead of playing poker?"

Ted chuckled lightheartedly. "Neither. Justin was with us last night. He cooked for us his granny's recipe and it was so great I even forgot my own name at one point."

Really? 

"Oh, really?" So, that's where Justin was, enjoying a delicious dinner which he made by himself. Why he didn't just say so? Yeah, like he gave Justin a chance to tell him that.

Fuck

"Yeah. He is such a great and brilliant young man."

Eric entered the room at that time and greeted Brian for a good and fruitful trip to New York. They all decided to meet up for lunch in few hours.

"Hey, you busy tonight?" He texted Justin later that afternoon.

"No"

"Wanna come over?"

"Okay. 8?"

"7. Thai or Chinese?"

"Chinese"

"Okay. Later."

"Later."

They met up every night that week and had dinner together at the loft. The nights were deliriously glorious and satisfying. Justin always left minutes before eleven though and Brian didn't have the guts to stop him from doing so.

Friday night, when Justin left at quarter to eleven Brian decided to grace Babylon with his presence. He got dressed, locked up and descended the stairs. When he was on the last flight down, he was surprised seeing Justin sitting on the last three steps with his head down writing on his notes again.

"Justin? What are you doing down here."

"Brian!" He was startled saying his name a little louder, and stood up abruptly. "I just, uh, I was just waiting for Jess. She just got stuck in traffic."

He began walking away and Brian held his arm turning him around. "Hey, it's okay if you waited in my place, you know."

Justin smiled and nodded. "Okay." Then they heard a honk. "That's her."

Brian nodded and released his arm.

Brian got to think for the first time, since that first night, why Justin had asked him 'not to fall in love again'. 

He was stunned and so furious when Justin had asked him that time and he just refused to think about it too hard after.

Also, Justin was already 25, with good income. How come he still hadn't gotten his own car by now? It seemed a little odd being carted around by his cousin.

Oh, well. He knew he wouldn't ask Justin anything about it so thinking wouldn't do him any good.

On Sunday, Jess came late, alone, and a little distressed. Debbie asked her about Justin and she said he was at their apartment nursing a little headache. Brian doubted it was just a little because he could still vividly remember how Justin was when he had one of his headaches.

Jess made sure to them that he was okay and he just needed an extra sleep. Debbie packed a number of bags to reheat for Justin.

He was a little preoccupied the next morning. He was itching to know if Justin was okay. He couldn't stop himself after an hour of flipping his phone and texted the young man.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yes. It was just a headache."

"You at home?"

"No. With Emmett. Another kiddie party."

"You are at the right place then."

"Fuck you. I'm 25. Not 5."

"You are? I didn't know that. I thought you are Gus' age?"

"You are crazy, Brian."

"I was called worse."

"Got to go. Kids are hysterical."

"Meet you tonight?"

"Okay. 7."

"I want to try Moroccan tonight. Good?"

"No problem. See you."

"See you."

The next Saturday, while they were all eating breakfast at the diner, Emmett decided they all should hang out at Michael and Eric's apartment that afternoon. He said they could watch movies or play cards and eat junks. Then they would go to Woody's and Babylon later.

Jess said she couldn't make it to the apartment in the afternoon because she already made plans with some of her co-workers. But she was definitely coming to Woody's and Babylon. Justin didn't have anything to do, so, he said he would come.

Brian arrived half hour late. He was surprised to see Justin still hadn't arrived yet. Emmett was arranging some chips, sodas and bowls of popcorn on the coffee table. Everyone was there lounging on the sofa and some on the floor with pillows.

"Where is Justin?" Eric asked from his seat beside Blake on the couch. Brian sat sideways on the chair resting his long legs on the arm rest.

"I called for like five times and it all goes to voicemail." Emmett said sitting on the floor.

"Well, we can't wait for him until he decided to show up." Michael whined while hijacking a bowl of popcorn.

"I'll call." Ted said dialing his phone. He groaned after a few seconds, "Phone still off."

"He might have gotten busy." Blake chimed in.

"He should have at least called or answer his phone." Michael again while munching on the popcorn.

"Well, I guess we should just start. There must be a reason Justin can't come or why he isn't answering the phone." Ted said and Emmett pressed the remote to play the movie.

Brian was silent the whole time and he continued to keep his silence. Justin said he was coming. What was so important that he stood them up?

They had a light dinner at the diner before going to Woody's and Justin didn't show up the whole time they were at Michael and Eric's. There were no returned calls too. Brian began to get worried though, because it just wasn't like Justin to be this negligent.

He was about to text the young man when all of a sudden Justin was coming inside the door beaming at them. His face slowly fell as he saw the expressions on their friends' faces.

Emmett and Michael were talking to Justin at the same. Emmett was trying to ask if he was all right while Michael was telling him he should have called and not let people waiting on him for hours without giving any considerations.

Jess was just behind Justin but obviously they didn't come together. Jess was looking a little worried as she was listening. Justin on the other hand, was looking like he was shocked and didn't have any idea what they were talking about. He looked around until he met Jess' eyes and she nodded.

He saw Justin closed his eyes tightly and scratched his head, shaking it and whispered, "I'm really sorry, guys."

"It's okay, honey. Don't you fret about it." Emmett was gently stroking his back.

"Did something happen this afternoon, Jus?" It was Eric who asked what Brian wanted to ask Justin.

He shook his head and said, "I guess I just forgot." Justin looked so apologetic and Brian knew he wasn't lying. "I'm really sorry."

"Hey, that's okay. Let's have some fun now." Brian said to let them all know that the discussion was over.

Justin and Jess stayed just until midnight and Brian didn't try to approach him. Justin was a little subdued and Jess was around him all the time. They have been in a deeply conversation most of the night.

He texted him the next day and they met that night. Justin was still a little off but he said he was just hungry. They ate pad Thai and was eating each other even before their food was finished.

He told Justin as he was dressing up that he could wait for Jess in his loft, but Justin said a cab was already waiting down stairs. He nodded, then Justin left.

The next day, he texted Justin spontaneously asking him for lunch. He didn't know what came over him to do it.

"Lunch at Iggy's?"

"Sure. 1pm?"

"Yeah."

"I'll pay for my lunch though."

-What the fuck?-

"Of course." 

"Okay."

So he invited Justin for lunch from time to time. It was maybe just once weekly, because their schedule was so hectic. But Justin always pay for his share whenever they went out for lunch.

Then after a while, Brian starting to get irritated when Justin suddenly proposed he should be paying his share on their dinners too. Brian didn't agree, saying it was his place and Justin was his guest.

"You don't let your guests pay for the food you served them at your own house." He shouted when Justin got too persistent. 

In the end, he relented by saying, "I just don't want to abuse your generosity, Brian."

They ended that night with a hot steamy sex that left them both weak on their knees.

One September evening, Brian asked Justin to come a little later because he had a late meeting with Mr. Remson. He arrived at eleven and Brian had just came out from his shower.

Brian fucked him from behind on the sofa, then later, Justin rode him so hard in his bed. It was so great he was sure his brain had just melted by how intense their orgasms were. 

He left Justin in the bed to relieve his bladder. When he came out of the bathroom, he was surprised to see Justin was already sleeping in his bed.

So much emotions running through his body, so much memories and familiarities. He actually admitted that night to himself, that he really missed being with Justin. 

Not just the great sex, but also the lazing around the loft on weekends, the snarkiness and jealousy, the petty fights and made up sex. Justin's stuff cluttered around the loft, his teenage angst and even his demands. 

He missed Justin's warm body next to him all night and his hair tickling his nose in the morning. The coffee, the attention, the annoyingly overly sweet messages and random visits to his office when he was still at Ryder.

And most of all, he missed the old Justin that was so in love with him.

He couldn't believe he was thinking about this. He was feeling nostalgic, maybe, but looking at Justin sleeping peacefully in his bed where he had done almost every night for two years, he felt something warmth wrapped around his chest.

He slowly crawled to his side and lifted the duvet to cover them. Justin seemed to be remembering the familiarity too, even in deep sleep, as he automatically put his head on his shoulder and snaked his arm on his waist. 

He closed his eyes as he was flooded with both emotions and regrets. He kissed Justin's head and wrapped his arm around him too.

Regret. Yeah, he didn't do regret, but apparently he did, because he regretted for ever letting Justin go.

God, it was so good to be in Justin's arms. This was one of those things that he never thought he would miss, but honestly, he did. 

He had this before, though. Which Justin gave him wholeheartedly but something that he had taken for granted.

He inhaled Justin's scent and let it lulled him to sleep.

He wasn't sure what woke him up just after few hours of sleep. Maybe it was a dream, a siren from the street, or the sudden drop of temperature in his loft.

But now that he was, he suddenly knew that something was wrong. Something was missing.

Justin.

He wasn't in bed and Brian knew he wasn't anywhere in the loft either. Then he heard a clapped of thunder and lightning illuminated his dark loft. He sat abruptly and went to the windows. Fuck, it was raining.

He walked to his bed again and checked the clock. 4:02am. He wanted to call Justin and yell at him. Why did he have to go on this weather and risked his life without even waking him up. He could have at least drive him home. By the look of it, it was already raining for some time now.

Stupid little twat.

This what he wasn't used to, and even it was already four months since Justin's return, he still wasn't sure he liked this version of Justin.

In the end, his anger steamed down to worrying. He decided, for his peace of mind, he texted Justin just to make sure he was all right.

"You home?"

"Yeah."

He let out a sigh of relief. Before sleep claimed him again, his mind was wondering if Justin still wanted them to be together like before.


	5. Only you can make the change in me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Jazzepoet. Thank you so much.

The next day, Eric came to his office with some documents to be signed for a new employee. They also discussed about some legality issues regarding one of their accounts.

"You planning on going out for lunch?" Eric asked. Brian glanced down to his wrist to check the time, then nodded.

"Is Ted coming?"

"He was still out with Mr. Morrison."

"Okay. I'll be right out."

They used Brian's Vette and parked right outside the diner. When they entered, he found Justin sitting on the counter talking with someone. Brian couldn't see the guy's face because he was facing Justin and his back was to the door of the diner.

Justin saw him as they entered, and his eyes looked between him and Eric, then he smiled indulgently at them. He waved at Eric as they both snatched a booth from a couple of lesbians who just finished having their lunch.

Eric was waving back to Justin and his companion looked over his shoulder at them. He thought the guy was familiar. Yeah, he was a regular at Babylon.

"You think they are here on a date?" Eric whispered leaning a bit forward. 

Brian shrugged his shoulders trying to act disinterested. The waiter took their orders, then Eric leaned his head forward again.

"But I heard Justin sworn off to any relationship and even to dating."

Now, that perked his interest through the roof "Did he now?"

"Yeah, I heard it from Emmett. He was trying to set him up with someone but Justin refused and told him he wouldn't date and he doesn't want to be in a relationship again, now or ever."

Brian just sat there staring at Eric. If this was true, Brian knew he had a lot more to learn about this new Justin.

"Michael said he was in a relationship with some violinist before he left Pittsburgh. He must have really loved that guy and gotten so hurt, that he felt he doesn't want to be with someone again."

Michael. Of course, he would only tell what he wanted others to believe.

Brian looked Eric straight in the eyes, "Do you want Justin?"

"What?" He asked dumbly as if he didn't expect that question.

"I asked you, if you wanted to date Justin."

Eric gave him a look that Brian couldn't read. He shook his head then fidgeted with a piece of tissue. "No. Justin is hot and all but it isn't him I -- uh, no, Brian, no."

Brian nodded his head then leaning his back on the seat and started to eat his food.

They ate mostly in silence after that and Justin came to their table on his way out. They just exchanged some greetings, then he left them to finish their lunch.

Brian got home late that night and was very tired. His art department had screwed a series of campaigns and it was supposed to be presented the next morning.

When he finally arrived home, he realized he expected Justin to be there. But he had forgotten to text the young man earlier. What with all he had learned from Eric, then it was meeting after meeting the whole afternoon. Not to mention he spent the whole evening straightening his Art department's screw ups.

He checked his clock and was surprised to find it was already quarter to twelve. He wanted to text Justin to tell him to come over, but it was so late and he was kind of too tired to fuck. He just wanted him there, even just to talk for a while. They could make out, maybe caress a little here and there. A blowjob, hand job, whatever, he just needed to feel connected to Justin in some way.

Brian knew something inside him had shifted. He could feel it in every fiber of his being. He felt a little lighter, too. It was as if some weight had lifted from his chest. He should've expected this, he knew this would have happened. But instead of fighting it, for once, Brian embraced it.

He showered with a soft smile on his face. He couldn't believe himself, sometimes. But he guessed, with regards to Justin, Brian should have known that he didn't have a chance. His defense wouldn't really work after awhile, he had always known that. He had been there, done that already.

Still feeling a little warm inside, he went straight to bed, and within minutes, he was already snoring deep in sleep.

They met up the next night though, and after they came for the second time, Justin was about to stand to get dressed when Brian held his hand stopping him from going.

"It is raining outside, you can sleep here..." He looked at the slightly shocked expression on Justin's beautiful face. It made Brian a bit conscious. "...if you want."

Justin then smiled at him, but shook his head. "It is almost eleven, Jess must be down there in her car waiting for me."

He swear he wanted to say no, wanted to tell Justin that he wanted him to stay. But, fuck the people he called parents, it was really hard to even open his mouth to tell Justin what he really wanted.

With him having this internal battle, Justin continued dressing, kissed him on his lips, then he was gone.

Brian should have even told Justin that there were no reasons for leaving before eleven. Because there was no one coming, there never had been since that first night.

Well, fuck. Brian should do something about his difficulties and insecurities before it would be too late. He knew he was the most conflicted person there was and being a close off like him for a long time, he know it was a long way to start opening up to someone.

It made him doubt himself if he really could do this. Or if it was worth to try to open himself again to someone who had broken his heart before. He even question himself about what he really want with Justin.

But one thing he was sure of, and he couldn't deny it anymore, he was still in love with Justin. He always had been.

He invited him to lunch the next day and met at Iggy's again. Brian wanted to bring Justin to a first class restaurants, but because Justin was so adamant about paying his own food, he simply couldn't do that.

Brian was thinking all throughout the morning about what he really wanted with Justin. And with every twist and turn in his brain, it always came up with the conclusion of wanting Justin back in his life. He longed to have that feeling when they were wrapped around each other the other night.

But, maybe they needed to take it slowly this time. He wanted them to work this out and if Brian was going to do this, it'd better be working.

Call it a relationship or them being boyfriends, he didn't care, he just needed to show Justin that he could. He also needed to convince him to give them another chance, to trust him. To believe that this time, it would be different.

Problem was, he didn't know what to do, where to start or how to convince Justin that he was sincere. It would be a challenge to prove that he was being serious. With the kind of past that they had, he had a hell of a lot of convincing to do.

Justin wasn't the sweet, naive guy that he was eight years ago. He had changed a lot since he left and those changes didn't really favored Brian. Well, he guessed, he'd just have to work slowly. He, too, still had his own issues.

He didn't know what was the catalyst for him to finally decide to take this step. It wasn't that long ago when he loathed every single emotions that he felt toward Justin. 

But, maybe he did know, it was certainly about that said feelings about Justin. The other night, when they were wrapped around each other, was a night like no other. And he wanted to feel that, he wanted to feel Justin.

He didn't have many experiences, but damn him if he wouldn't try to do it, even if it would kill him. He wanted to get to know Justin more than he did when they were together before. He'd maybe start with asking him on a date and he'd just took it from there.

They were sharing a tiramisu, when Brian decided to start his plan.

"Justin, uh, I want to invite you for a lunch tomorrow."

He was silent for a few seconds, mentally checking his schedule. "Okay. 1 pm?"

"Yeah, but not here. Meet me at La Casa d'Italia."

Justin seemed to frown a bit but then he nodded his head and said. "Okay."

Brian beamed at him but contained himself from being too obviously delighted. He was chattering about the account that they almost lost all the way throughout their lunch.

They parted with a decision to meet up that night again.

The next day, Brian and Justin were dining at a very expensive restaurant enjoying the atmosphere with Italian cuisines and music. But when the receipt came Justin was pulling out cash from his wallet asking the waiter his shared amount.

Brian was so taken aback that he didn't react immediately. Seconds later, he told the waiter to return Justin's money, instead charged the bills to his card. He handed the card to the waiter who returned the cash to Justin, then left.

Justin was clenching his jaws but didn't say anything. Brian realized that Justin didn't really catch the meaning of his invitation to this nice restaurant. He probably thought, Brian just wanted to try the food here, like Brian always said before whenever they went out to eat in a posh restaurant.

Justin didn't think that Brian had actually asked him on a date. Well, maybe he needed to let Justin in on a secret.

"Justin, when I asked you yesterday to have lunch here with me, I meant it to be--"

"I told you I'm going to pay for my food. Is it so hard for you to understand it?" He said in a cold tone.

"Justin, I just want to bring you to a nice place. I can afford it and I want us to--"

"--I would've told you that I can't afford it if I couldn't. Is it so hard for you to understand that?"

"Hey, I fully understand, believe me. It is just a meal, Justin, what's the big deal about it if I pay? We used to dine in this kind of restaurants together before and you don't have a problem letting me pay for us. Why the change now?" 

Brian was actually baffled by Justin's reluctance of letting him pay. He couldn't believe they would end their lunch, that was so great just a moment ago, in a battle of whose going to pay the bill.

Justin seemed to deflate a little. "Because people change, Brian. We don't stay the same from what we were years ago."

"You don't say." He snickered thinking about the irony of it all. How before, it was Justin who was begging for just a crumbs of his attention, and now Brian was the one desperate to have it back again.

"Seven tonight?" Brian asked taking the card from the waiter.

Justin nodded. "I'll bring Chinese." Brian was about to protest but Justin cut him out. "Don't argue, Brian."

He defeatedly nodded his head then walked out of the restaurant with Justin, simply guiding him with his hand on the small of the young man's back.

The week following, they were both having lunch at a Taco house, just three blocks away from Kinnetik. Brian hadn't tried asking Justin out to a high end restaurant again, he needed to formulate a plan. He didn't need to freak Justin again like that.

Brian thought about his and Justin's situation long and hard. He kind of observed Justin for few days and he came to a decision not to sit and talked to him. He had a feeling that it wouldn't work that way with Justin. He didn't know why or how he knew it, but it was a strong hunch that Justin would react negatively if Brian would tell him he wanted them officially together.

He needed to play his cards right. He'd take it slow, get to know Justin more and let the young man know him too. Brian thought, it would be best to start on a middle ground, being him and Justin as equals. 

It wasn't as if he'd like to forget their past relationship or his past mistakes, but Brian wanted to have another fresh start with Justin. 

He wanted them to have a new relationship not based on what or how they were before, or how Justin perceived him from years ago. But instead, Brian wanted to let Justin see by himself that Brian had grown up too. He'd show him not by words or promises, but by his actions and being patience. He thought this was the best plan he could come up at this type of situation.

But the longing to be with Justin for more than just a couple of hours a night was the hardest one to deal with. Sometimes, it frustrated him to no end that Justin still refused his invitation for a sleep over. 

Sometimes, those frustrations turned into a temporary madness. He'd be unrealistically and spontaneously blurting out things that he shouldn't even be considering, just yet. Like the one that day.

"Let's go to New York this weekend." Brian said excitedly. "We'll drive Friday night and back Sunday late afternoon."

Justin was looking at him like he grew three heads. "We can't, Brian."

"Why not?"

"Duh, It would be too obvious. How will you explain our two days absence 'together' to our friends?"

He wanted to say 'who cares?' but he couldn't. He knew it would stir a lot of unwanted attentions. He wanted to concentrate on winning Justin first without the interference of their friends, good intentions or not.

"You're right." He conceded, it wasn't the right time, he knew that.

"I need to go."

"I'll drive you."

"Brian."

"Justin."

"I can take a cab."

"I was afraid you'd say Jess was outside."

"Are you mocking me?" Justin's voice had suddenly become cold.

"No." He cleared his throat. "I was meaning to ask you this, by the way, why haven't you buy a car already?"

"I don't have a license."

"Then get one."

"Later. Not now."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I don't think I really need it."

"Of course you do. Everyone needs a car."

"Just drop it already, please."

He did.

November came, and the air became a little bit colder and Brian was on his busiest months with all the thanksgiving and Christmas campaigns they were preparing.

He was still meeting Justin almost every night though and he hadn't stepped to Babylon except Friday and Saturday nights.

They went out to have lunch sometimes, but because of their schedules clashed most of the time, they hadn't gone out much more often as Brian liked. But he was being a little more attentive to Justin when they were together in the evening. 

He'd make sure that he'd somehow let the young man knew through his touch that he was being cared for. He texted him everyday, even just to greet him a 'very good morning'. 

Also, as much as he yearned to be with Justin, he wanted him to care for him too, just like he did before. And he'd be willing to wait for that day to come. He'd die trying.

Less than three weeks before thanksgiving, Brian texted him around 4 pm. They had just finished the campaign for Goodyear Tires and they were even a couple days ahead of schedule. He was in a high spirit and he just wanted to be with Justin.

"Busy?"

"Party was over at 2pm. On our way to the shop."

"And you are free to go?"

"Yes"

"Meet me on the bus stop 2 blocks from the shop. 5pm."

"5pm? Why?"

"Surprise"

"Brian"

"Justin"

"I'll just go straight to the loft."

"We're not going to the loft."

"Where?"

"Omg, Justin!"

"What?"

"Just meet me there, okay? Bus stop. 5. Ta-ta."

Brian left the office and went home to change from his suit to a casual one, then packed a new suit, underwear, socks and his toiletries.

Justin was sitting on the bench biting his fingernails when Brian stopped his car in front of him. He was asking nonstop since he hopped in about their destination, but Brian just smiled and mysteriously said 'Just relax, will you.'

They drove for about fifteen minutes when he realized Brian parked in front of the Fairmont Hotel.

"Brian, what are we doing here?"

"Their executive suite is really good. They have whirlpool, I want us to try it."

"You don't have to spend this much just for a whirlpool, Brian." But he was being ignored. Justin dejectedly opened the car door when Brian was already out and handing his car key to a valet.

"Let's go." He walked over where Justin stood and wrapped his arm on his shoulder. "Will you relax?"

"My god, I dressed like a--"

"Stop it, you'll be out of it in a minute or two, anyway." He leered and wiggled his eyebrows at him. "Ouch." He painfully grimaced when Justin elbowed him.

"You deserve it."

They checked in and rode the elevator to the 21st floor. Justin was in awe when they entered the luxury suite and Brian wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"I just want us to relax, okay? No thinking about the cost, the people outside, our work. Let us just be us. Here. Now." He felt Justin stiffened for a fraction of seconds, but when he started to kiss Justin's neck while his hands roamed inside his shirt, he visibly relax on his arms.

Justin turned around and they kissed passionately moaning into each other's mouth. Brian nudged him to hop on to him, Justin toed his shoes off, leaping and wrapping his legs around Brian's waist.

He carried them to the bed, but instead of throwing Justin in to it, he backed him to the wall next to the window. They were kissing frantically now and grinding their dicks together.

When they couldn't take it anymore, Brian lowered his feet down to the floor and took Justin's shirt off and unzipped his pants. He removed his own clothes, taking the supplies from his pocket, throwing it to the bed.

He pushed Justin back and he fell to the bed, Brian couldn't wait any longer and so he pounced on him. They were rutting and biting and scratching and nipping on each other's body, granting into each other's mouth.

Brian prepared Justin for a short time, then he was ramming in with all the intensity he could master. Justin was digging his nails on Brian's back while Brian was kissing him roughly and sucking his tongue.

It was fast and rough and so hard that Justin thought his body turned to a jelly after they came. Brian slumped his body on top of Justin's, crushing him with his weight while burying his nose to his sweaty neck.

After pulling out and arranging themselves in to a spooning position they both slept peacefully around each other.

Brian woke up to a furiously ringing of Justin's phone. He reached for it on the floor and saw Jess was calling. He terminated it and put in on silent. Damn, it was already almost 10 pm. Did they really sleep for 4 hours?

He hugged Justin from behind, peppering his neck with kisses. He groaned and squirmed a little, but didn't wake up. Brian gently ran his hand on his arm, then softly whispered, "Hey".

Justin groaned again, putting his hand on top of Brian's which was still running on his naked arm. "Hey, time is it?"

"Justin," he whispered while still kissing his neck. He kissed it so softly that Justin got goosebumps breaking his entire skin.

"Hmm, what?"

"Let's stay here tonight?"

He felt Justin's body had frozen. "Please..." He added, his voice was in borderline desperation already.

He just wanted this night with Justin. Just the two of them.

"Okay." He heard him say and his heart leaped through the roof of the hotel. He smiled and hugged Justin tightly into his chest kissing his nape.

"You have to call Jess though she woke me up with the incessant ringing of your phone." He handed the said phone to Justin then wrapping his arm around the young man again.

In just a matter of seconds, Justin was already talking to a hysterical Jess on the phone.

"Jess, hey, hey, I'm okay." Justin was saying and Brian could hear the woman's voice so loudly. "Jess... Jess, I know, I know and I'm sorry."

"I'm with Brian. We kinda got asleep." He paused, the girl was in frenzied. "I'm sorry. No, we aren't at the loft."

"Jess, I'll stay with Brian tonight, okay?" Paused again. "I know... I know. I haven't forgotten that. I'll be home tomorrow. Bye."

"Justin, I hate to say this, but Jess seems to think she's your mother not your cousin." Brian said and Justin let out a deep sigh.

"She knew I'm her cousin and not her son, Brian, I'm even older than her by couple of months for god sake, but..." He was biting his lower lip as he always did if he was in deep thinking. "... We just looking out for each other, you know.

"I don't. You never mentioned her before. But I guess, what matters is, you have someone who will always be there for you. You didn't even mention before that you are this generation's Stevie Wonder."

They chuckled a little bit, but Justin became serious and started to relate to him his life with his blood family, way before the of them met.

"We grew up together, Brian, we were almost like twins, what's with our mothers giving birth with only 2 months apart. We were inseparable. In second grade, we met Daphne, and we became like triplets.

"At first, my uncle John and Craig were like brothers. My uncle and my mother inherited an electronic store from their father. My mother had already withdrawn her share when she married my father. The store was still the original one, though it was big, but it was only one. My parents used the money to buy their first house.

"Few years after, my uncle turned his store into a very successful one that branches out to more than a dozen throughout Pittsburgh and Philly. Since my father didn't have a good paying job and I was going to school that time, he took my father under his wings and showed him the ropes of how to be a successful businessman. He thought him the ins and outs of his business. In short, Craig double crossed my uncle and Davis Electronics became Taylor Electronics.

"Jess and I were thirteen then, and I don't know how Craig did it, but he legalized everything. My uncle was left with just his house and my aunt's small fashion boutique business. He had beaten the hell out of Craig and spent some time in jail for assault. After that, they decided to just move out of Pittsburgh to Ohio. He asked my mom to come with them. Well, obviously she didn't and my uncle told her to never contact any of his family if my mom could take what Craig had done to him.

"Daphne was the one who made the communications between me and Jess a possibility. It was a long agonizing months before we talked again and we did it secretly. For so long I kept it a secret and it became this routine. Every Tuesday evening, her parents were coming home especially late, because they were selling local craft on a fair in Ohio that held every Tuesday.

"I started calling from Daphne's house until they went away for a summer vacation for two months. Then I started to call her in my room with a locked door. I guess, I did it for so long that even when I was at Debbie's, I locked myself up every Tuesday. Even if I didn't have a reason to do it anymore."

Brian was totally stunned. Craig was a mother fucking son of a bitch. Justin shifted turning to face him, gauging his reaction to his revelation. 

Brian leaned down to kiss him. "I don't know what to say. Except Craig is a mother fucking son of a bitch."

Justin lightly chuckled. Brian also thought about those times when Justin locked up in his room on Tuesday, he was so curious then. Now, he had the explanation for it.

Then as if on cue, his stomach rumbled loudly. They laughed and Brian reached for the hotel phone asking Justin what he wanted to eat.

They ordered and took a shower together and when the food arrived it was almost midnight. 

He asked Justin about Daphne while they were having their late dinner. He said, when she went to Chicago to complete her studies there, their communications lessened. 

Last he heard, after she graduated, she went with his boyfriend, Gustav, a Swedish guy, and moved to Sweden with him. He didn't know if she was still there or if she was married to him. Her old email add wasn't working anymore and Justin couldn't find any way to communicate with her again.

At one point in the night, he saw Justin looking at the window to the Pittsburgh skyline. It was a breathtaking view and Brian snaked his arms around Justin, who was just wearing a robe.

They stood there watching for a while, until Brian's hands started to roam Justin's body. He was nipping on his neck and his hands were untying Justin's robe. Brian was already naked, actually he only wore the robe when he opened the door to let the hotel staff carted their food inside.

They eventually ended up in bed. After their fiery union and came intensely, they were both exhausted and drifted off to the land of dreams.

Morning came so quickly and Brian refused to think that in few hours they would leave this perfect bliss and go on with their lives of hiding. He wanted to talk to Justin about it, but he also knew he needed to be very careful and patience. 

He felt Justin had still some reservations toward him despite his openness the other night. He believed they'd eventually get there.

But now, he wanted to let his lover know that he was appreciative for the time they had spent together, that Justin trusted him enough to tell him about his family.

Brian woke Justin up by slowly penetrating him and fucked him so intimately. He wanted him to remember this, he wanted Justin to always remember the feeling of them together.

They exchanged blowjobs in the shower, and not for long, they were on their way to Justin's apartment. Brian realized it was his first time to know where he lived.

"Am I the only one who didn't know where you live until now?"

"I think so."

"They already came to see your apartment except for me?"

"You never asked, Brian."

"I offered you rides. It was you who always declined."

"Well, they all came within few weeks of my returned. They came and brought some table cloth, curtains, rags, even an ice maker. It was just a welcome back visit. I remembered you weren't so thrilled with me moving back."

"Hmm," was his only reply, but his mind was thinking why no one from his friends had mentioned this to him. "Invite me in."

Justin was about to protest when he almost jumped from his seat with a loud knocked on his window. It was Jess. He glanced at Brian who was already unfastened his seatbelt and was getting out of the car.

"Jess, hey, are you going to work now?" He asked, smiling as he got out of the car.

"Yes." She simply replied looking between them. Brian realized she wasn't angry but it was something on her face that told him it was more than just a worry. "I prepared eggs and toast, it's still in the oven. Eat with the big guy over there."

Justin was beaming his sunshine smile and hugged his cousin who hugged him back.

"Thanks."

They went inside and Brian got a tour of the place that only consist of two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen and a dining, and small living room.

Justin took the food out of the oven and gave Brian an extra fork, then they ate it on the same plate while standing on the kitchen counter.

"I'll make extra coffee but I'm afraid I'll be so late. We have a party this evening at 5. An office party with 300 guests." The coffee Jess left for them wasn't enough.

"It's okay. Cynthia will get me one at the office."

Justin got dressed while Brian rinsed the plate and put it in the dishwasher.

"Brian, I'll just take a cab--"Justin said as he got out of his room already dressed.

"Let's go. I'll drop you anywhere you prefer, I promise."

Justin defeatedly agreed and Brian thought it was a little victory for him because Justin didn't really argue that much. He dropped him off on the bus stop where Justin waited the other day for him. He didn't let the young man go, not before Brian leaned forward, and gave him a passionate kiss on his lips.

Brian arrived at Kinnetik in a good spirit and Eric saw him entering the premise.

"Looks like the boss got lucky last night. You're missing in action at Babylon. Mike was blowing his phone off and was this closed for calling a police."

"The fuck?"

Eric chuckled, they were walking the hallway to Brian's office. "We all met up at Woody's. Ted had mentioned he was surprised you weren't there because you got out of the office a little earlier. Well, Mike, started calling you, he even wanted us to go to the loft. We told him we loved to have our dicks attached to our bodies, so, we disagreed with him. He was pouting all night at Babylon."

"Well, good decision you didn't come to my place and disturb me. There's a reason why I turned off my phone. A guy needs a peaceful night once in a while."

Eric stopped Brian from walking and turned him to face him. He was smiling and looking at Brian like he just discovered the cure for Ebola virus. 

"Who are you? Maybe Mike was right, you were abducted by an alien."

Brian chuckled. Chuckled. Eric was in awe his eyes almost bugged out. "Wow, he must be a monster in bed. Can I get his number?"

Brian smile faded a bit and looked at him sternly, "No". Then he continued to walk. Eric following behind, muttering about "Selfish friends" and "Someone who gets everything he wants" playfully.

"Brian, Michael called fifteen minutes ago and said it was really, really urgent. He asked you to call him as soon as you can." It was Cynthia and he heard Eric snorted somewhere behind him.

"Don't you have any work to do, Mr. Bruckner?"

"Aye, Aye, boss." He saluted then scurrying away, still shaking his head.

"Get Theodore for me. And hold my calls." Then he entered his office.

Ted came and started to tell him about Michael, but he stopped him and told him Eric had beaten him to the punch.

They talked about the office's finances, the quarterly expected profits and the amount projected for Christmas bonuses. They were still discussing after almost two hours when the intercom buzzed.

"Cynthia, didn't I tell you to hold my calls?"

"You did. But you must know how your bestie can be so viscous when he desperately wants to talk to you. I'm on the edge here, Brian."

"Transfer it." Then Brian heard Michael talking a mile a minute.

"Brian? Did Cynthia tell you I called?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Well, why haven't you called then? I was just worried you weren't answering your phone and--"

"And you thought it would be okay to bug me and Cynthia when you know we're working?"

"It's not like that. Where were you last night?"

"I didn't know we have gotten married and now I need to tell you my itineraries. If not, will you withhold sex until I email you my schedule, darling?"

Michael got silent. "I was just worried. You don't need to be an asshole."

"But I am. Everyone seems to remind me that I am one every minute they got." He let out a frustrated sigh. "Look, Mikey, I'm a big boy, okay? Sometimes, I just want a time for myself, some quietness, I don't know. Don't worry too much about me, worry about yourself."

"Okay" was all Michael could say.

"Let's all meet tonight at Woody's, okay?"

After Michael said his affirmation they both hang up. Brian wasn't sure why Michael was suddenly becoming this infuriating and nagging friend again. He thought, those days were over a long time ago. But, it seemed Michael had been missing his old self and Brian was least thrilled by it.

When he glanced at Ted, he was looking at him like he was someone he had never met before.

"What?"

"Wow, are you Brian Kinney?"

"Quit it, you freak."

Ted was shaking his head as if clearing it from cobwebs. "It just that--I can swear I heard you say 'sometimes you needed some quiet time'--when did that happen?"

Brian suddenly got quiet, his fingers were playing his pen, banging it to the papers repeatedly. Ted thought, Brian might not even realize he was doing it.

"It's known to be done before. It's called life, I think. Sometimes, it will hit you in unexpected time and place." 

Ted suddenly stood up and walked to his wide windows looking up to the sky. "What are you doing?"

"I was just checking if there are pigs flying."

"Dork. Can we finish our meeting now, Mr. Schmidt?"

"Bri, know that I was just shocked. It wasn't as if we see or hear you say things like this before. But, I, for one, is so glad you finally realized that there is more to life than the anonymous sex, drinking or drugging. I just wish you'd have what I found with Blake, you know. I know you still don't believe it, but believe me, it's still different when you have someone to go home to, to share the good news and the bad ones. If you could just experience how a single smile can make a difference."

Brian was biting his lips and Ted almost lost his mind when Brian didn't try mocking him, instead he was in deep thoughts, nodding slightly.

"Yeah.... Maybe..."

Oh my god. Ted was beyond amazed, but he calmed himself down if only to impart his last words. He just thought Brian needed to hear it.

"You know, Bri, whatever makes you think and wonder about these new things happening to you, I just hope yo go for it. If that's what you want-what makes you happy-I really hope you'll pursue it. Think of what you want for yourself and not what people want or expect from you."

Brian didn't even notice Ted had already left. He was thinking that all his life, he told himself that love was bullshit. Not to trust anyone but yourself, to live a life with no apologies and no regrets. He did all that, but still he wasn't really happy at all. It was fun, it was okay, but definitely not happy.

However screwed up the two years he had with Justin were, these past six months since his return, and afterwhat they shared the night before, it made him the happiest he'd ever been. And guess what, it was when he broke all his rules. Somehow, he found life when he decided to tilt his view a little and just run with it.

He may have resisted Justin the two years they were together, but he knew that even then he was already in love with him. He felt it, it was so strong within him. He honestly didn't know how he suppressed his feelings for a long time without being institutionalized.

That, he guessed, was one of the reasons he fought Justin through tooth and nail. Because of Justin, he started to feel, defied everything he knew and as cliché as it might seem, he started to feel whole inside.

He believed though, that Justin still love him, too. It might be the distance for too long that made him this closed off. It could also be because of their past that he was resisting them. He couldn't blame him though, Brian was a total bastard for the two years they've been together. He ought to pay for what he had done and he was paying hard.

But something inside him still saying that Justin loved him.

And now he couldn't even stop thinking that they had been 'together' in a relationship for two years and that he wanted to have it back. He chuckled at the irony of it all.

"Woody's tonight?" He texted.

"Maybe not. Office party remember?"

"That sucks. Loft then?"

"Sure. I can be there at eleven, unless.... you want a little later." 

There was that hesitation again. He really needed to straighten this eleven o'clock trick with Justin.

"No. Eleven is fine."

"Okay. Later."

"Yeah. Later. You take care, okay?"

"Yeah. You too."

Michael started grilling him as soon as he entered the bar. Brian let the guilt trip went on for few minutes, then ordered a double whiskey and drowned it in two big gulps barely grimacing on the bitter taste.

"--but of course, you don't care if we worry about you. You never worry for us. You only think--"

"Michael, I think, you should only speak for yourself. This is unfair to Brian. All of us had left our phones off at one point in our friendship and I don't see anyone of us making a big fuss out of it. Besides, it's not like he was MIA for three straight days. If that was the case then it's a totally different story. But it wasn't." Eric couldn't help voicing his opinion on the matter, he just couldn't anymore.

Actually, he was kind of irritated with Michael since the day before. He didn't stop complaining about Brian. He called him in his office complaining about Brian's apparent 'lack of concern' to their worries. 

When he arrived home from work that evening Michael continued to rant about Brian, and Eric couldn't stand it anymore. 

He knew Michael was a little bit invested with his best friend. Even Ben had admittedly bothered by it for all those years they were together. But this was just too much intrusion, almost border lining insanity.

Honestly, Michael was a bit off since few months back. He'd become 'Brian this' and 'Brian that', 'why didn't Brian come' and 'have you seen Brian?' He also started to keep tabs about his best friend more than he used to. And this few days, it was just pure craziness and he wouldn't stand for it.

"Thank you, Bruckner. You'll get a medal." Brian lifted his refilled whiskey glass at him.

"Free drinks would be fine." He bantered making Brian smirked. He signaled to the bartender to give Eric a drink which was accepted gratefully.

"Where's Emmett?" Asked Michael trying to insinuate himself again.

"Party" Brian said without thinking. He then felt more than saw Michael's eyes boring at him.

"How'd you know?" He asked with a voice an octave higher than his normal pitch. Eight pairs of eyes were on him.

"I called at lunch. I finished distributing the cards he gave me for my clients who might be interested in his business. He said they have party tonight, he'll give it to me tomorrow." Well, at least the part where he finished distributing the cards wasn't a lie.

"That is so great of you, Brian." Blake said and Brian just shrugged the compliment off.

When they went to Babylon at around ten, Brian made sure he dance his ass off on the floor, groping and grinding some hunky guys. And when it was almost eleven, he slowly edge his way out the back exit near the bathroom.

He came home with a little spare time to shower before Justin arrived. He answered the door naked and dripping wet. Justin looked at him lustfully up and down, biting his lower lip in anticipation. Brian could literally feel when his blood rushed down to his dick making it so hard it ached.

He yanked Justin inside, shutting the door with abandonment, backing him on the door then sticking his tongue to map the inside of Justin's mouth.

Justin was pulling his hair and Brian didn't care. He didn't give a damn if he'd be bald, didn't give a shit if he'd have a scratch on his face or chest or his back. He didn't mind if Justin wanted to mark him, to bite him, even tie him up.

He would say 'yes' to every thing Justin wanted at this point.

Justin rode him like the expert he was. He pushed him almost to the brink then pulling him out again. It was a delicious torture and Brian hadn't felt anything like it before.

"Justin, please..." It was as if he was the one being fucked but he was in total mercy of Justin. He lifted his upper body and hugged Justin, kissing him so hotly on the mouth they were practically swapping spit. Justin continued to bounce up and down the length of Brian's dick while he was being jerked off by him.

"God..." Brian moaned on his mouth. "...Justin."

They almost came in exactly the same time and they were panting heavily in each other's mouths. They continued kissing, just so slowly and so tenderly. They kept on holding each other, both not ready to let the others go.

Justin lifted himself off of Brian as he slumped backward to the bed, sated and so bliss out. Justin took the condom off of Brian's dick and unceremoniously threw it on the floor. He took the end corner of the duvet and wiped the cum on his chest then he turned to wipe Brian's abdomen and groin.

Brian held his hand yanking him toward him. He kissed Justin again, it was the lazy kind of kiss that was so addictive.

"It is after midnight, stay here with me." He whispered on his mouth looking on to each other almost cross eyed. Justin was beginning to pull away from his hold, furrowing his brows at him. Brian took a hold of his shoulders though, before he could get away.

Justin looked at him for a moment, it looked like he was contemplating something. Then said, "We have to be careful, Brian. Michael is already suspicious about you and me. Jess calling last night was because Michael called her around nine, subtlety trying to ask where I was. She lied that I was asleep but was so worried he'd find us at the loft together. That's why she was trying to warn us."

Brian found that information so wrong in so many levels. He wanted to tell Justin he didn't care if the world know they were together. It absolutely didn't matter, if Michael or whoever schmuck would catch them in his loft fucking each other's brains out. Their lives weren't anybody else's business, except for Brian and Justin.

But he couldn't. Not because he didn't want to say it, but because he didn't want Justin to pull away from him at that moment. He was sure as hell, that Justin would get dressed and walked out the loft in an instant. It would be too much for Justin to process.

So he nodded, pulling Justin gently to him, laying on his side spooning him from behind. "We'll be careful, okay?"

He felt Justin nodding his head, then relaxing his body on his arms until his breathing had evened out.

Justin woke him up with a mind blowing blowjob the next morning and he reciprocated at the shower. He went with him to his apartment and found a note, a plate of a hearty breakfast and a carafe of coffee. Jess telling Justin to at least call her whenever he decided to have a sleepover again.

They shared the meal and coffee, Justin got dressed and Brian cleared the counter. Justin didn't resist this time about Brian driving him to Emmett's shop. When they kissed before Justin got out of the car, it was a little longer and a little hotter than they did the other day.

Brian was all smile, Justin walked with a spring on his heels.

Around lunch, he texted Justin for a sudden change of his schedule.

"Flying to Philly @4pm."

"Have a safe flight."

"Fly with me."

"Crazy"

"I'll be back tomorrow. 2pm flight."

"Ok. Take care."

"You take care, too. I'll see you tomorrow night?"

"Maybe you'll have a jet lagged."

"Then I'll show your sweet ass how a big jet lagged dick would feel."

"Perv"

"Proud of it"

"You're crazy."

"We'll meet tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be there @7. Thank god no party tomorrow."

"You should take rest tonight. You'll be tired tomorrow. I planned on jet lagging that ass the whole night."

"Omg. You're insatiable."

"Hey, change my name on your phone to BiggestDick I'll change yours to Sweetest Ass."

"Omg, Brian. Stop it. My face will be permanently creased from all the laugh lines. I'll look like a blond version of joker."

"Still hot. Hottest joker."

"Shut up."

"So, how was your morning, my Sweetest Ass?"

"Stop. You killing me here. My face aches, you freak."

"You should reply 'you're the Biggest Dick evah!'"

"Oh god"

"No, I'm just Brian, the BiggestDick evah."

"Stop it, seriously, Em and Darren are teasing me. They think I have a boyfriend."

"But you do have a boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"You could have one if you wanted."

"You're silly."

"Nah, I'm sweet."

"Don't you have a bag to pack?"

"Yeah. Come to the loft and let's have a quickie."

"Brian!"

"What? I'm horny."

"BiggestDick evah!"

"Sweetest Ass."

"But you used to call me Twat. That sounds better I think."

"Nooo. I don't want you having a twat. Gross."

"I need to go. Emmet is looking at me like he is one second away from snatching my phone."

"Okay. I'm going home now."

"Enjoy your flight."

"Enjoy your night."

"BiggestDick"

"Oh, I'm glad you think so"

"Go, fool."

"Later, I'll be dreaming of your Sweetest Ass tonight."

"Aww, so romantic. Later."

"Later."

Emmett, as Justin predicted had tried to snatch the phone from his hand. Luckily Justin had a great reflexes and put it in his pocket before Emmett could take it away.

The afternoon was full of laughter and teasing. He had a nice night with Jess when he got home. They watched a movie while eating dinner.

He went to bed around eleven and his phone rang. It was Brian.

"Hey"

"Hey" Brian groaned tiredly to the phone. "Hmm, I'm so fucking tired." He was whispering.

"Try to rest. You have presentation tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Greg Walker, the ad exec who should be doing this got chicken pox last night." Brian chuckled softly. "Who gets chicken pox in winter?"

"Greg Walker, obviously. Lucky for them they have you. They always have you to save the day."

"Hmm, I don't feel lucky, I didn't get lucky tonight." He chuckled again.

"Go out then. I heard Philly is a city of brotherly love."

".... can't, so tired. I need sleep."

"Okay. You sleep now, Brian."

"Okay. Did you go out with the guys?"

"No. I was at home with Jess."

"Okay. Good night, my Sweetest Ass." They both laughed a little.

"'Night, Biggest Dick."

The next day, Justin didn't hear from Brian until his boarding time. He texted him while he was lounging on the VIP lounge telling he'd be at the office until maybe seven. Justin replied he'd be at the loft at eight then.

Justin stayed with him again that night. They had fucked twice then fell asleep with all the cum sticking them together. 

He woke up the young man this time, giving him a rim job while jerking Justin's dick off. When he came, Brian sheathed and lubed himself plunging into justin's tight hole in one swift motion making Justin arch his back. It was so sensual, so real, so intensely raw.

Justin came for the second time and Brian followed a few seconds later,kissing his back and stroking Justin's chest.

When they were on their way to Justin's apartment, Brian's phone rang. It was Michael telling Brian he never sees him anymore. Brian said he was on a business trip and Kinnetik was so busy this time of year and didn't really have time to socialize.

Michael went on, telling him even Ted and Eric were at the Woody's and Babylon this past few days but Brian didn't even show up for the Leather ball two nights ago. He told Michael he'd make sure to meet them soon.

When he hung up, Justin looked at him and said. "You should go to the diner now, have breakfast with them."

Brian glanced at him, "I'm eating with you. How'd you finish that plate full of grease in the oven just now?"

Justin snorted, "Don't worry about it. Just be with your friends and it will make Michael get off your back a little."

"Justin--"

"Brian, I told you he's being suspicious. Don't feed his curiosity."

Brian dropped him in front of his apartment then went to the diner. Admittedly, he kind of missed the place. But given a chance, he still would dine with Justin in one plate, standing up on his small kitchen, sipping coffee.

Michael was waving at him as soon as he saw him enter the diner. Eric, Emmett, Ted and Blake were there too. He squished the two love birds and sat on Blake's other side.

"It's nice of you to join us, Brian. Haven't seen you in like forever." Michael started and Brian signaled for Kiki to give him a coffee.

"You're seeing me now."

"You work too much. It's not like you're going to be bankrupt." Michael added. Ted and Emmett were looking meaningfully at each other.

"No. We're not. Doesn't mean we need to just laze around the office. Where's Debbie?" He asked looking around.

"If you were coming here you would know she works the lunch shift this week. She'll be here tomorrow morning though, 6 to 3." Michael said shoving a spoonful of scrambled eggs to his mouth. "You coming to Woody's?"

He closed his eyes and resisted the urge to pinch the top of his nose.

"I'm not sure. I might have to work late tonight." His noncommittal answer.

"Brian--"

"I said, I'm not sure! Why can't you just leave it at that?" His patience was beginning to wane. "How's the business, Auntie Em?"

Emmett suddenly perked up and started telling them some of the funny events they had to experience in the last few weeks.

"--it was a colossal disaster! I was in desperation and the bride was hyperventilating! But goodness, it wasn't the musician's fault he suffered from diarrhea, right? I turned my hope on my golden boy, I told the bride Justin was a great singer. I just hope I was right, I know he knows how to play piano but I never heard him sing. I was just taking Jess' words for it, you know.

"Justin said he didn't know the song that the bride requested, it was like 'When God gave me you' or some shit like that. He told the bride he knew one wedding song and joked he would play it on his own wedding if he ever gets married. The bride was skeptical but what she can do now, right?

"The problem was, the piano was supposed to come with the musician and it would probably arrived 30 minutes before the wedding and Justin needed to at least practice and if he'd wait he would practice with the guests already coming. That was a big no no!

"Well, the kid was a genius he went to a restaurant called Iggy's because he knew the place has a piano and they only used it in evenings. He asked the manager if he could play it for a while then ta-da! He was wonderful! So wonderful, I thought he couldn't have gotten better."

"So, what did he sing?" Ted asked, mesmerized by Emmett's tale.

"It was, uh, wait-- I forgot what it's called. He told me it was sung by an Irish or Scottish band-- I really forgot but apparently they were famous around the world--Oh wait! Oh my god, I took a video on my phone--wait!" Emmett was squealing and flailing his hands, then fishing his phone from his pocket.

He searched for the video and squealing again when he found it. "Here it is, guys." Then he positioned the phone to the head of the table so everyone could see. Brian was situated opposite Emmet so he was front in line.

The video started by zooming to Justin who was sitting on a baby grand to the left side of a huge gazebo. He was dressed in white cotton shirt and his shaggy long hair was tied up save for few strands on his face.

He seemed to radiate as he started to run his fingers on the keyboard. He smiled a little then leaned a little forward to the mic adjusting it with one hand while his other continued to play. His lover looked so hot in just a simple ensemble.

If Brian hadn't known he had already fallen for Justin, this would have sealed the deal.

//So as long as I live I'll love you, Will have and hold you, You look so beautiful in white  
And from now to my very last breath, This day I'll cherish, You look so beautiful in white,  
Tonight.//*

Brian was in awe of Justin. The song was beautiful, his skills in keyboard was great and his voice was even better and Brian hadn't known all this. 

Justin didn't even tell him when it happened. 

That realization made him a little sad. Obviously, Justin still had reservations toward him.

The video ended with Justin smiling to the newly wedded couple and to a very loud applause.

His friends gushed about what they saw for a while until Brian reminded his employees of their tardiness.

Eric and Ted huffed at their boss, then they all left going to their respective work.

He was thinking all morning about what he saw on the video. It made him think he never did learn who Justin really was since they met. Apart from being 17 and a senior in high school with troubled parents, he didn't bother to learn more.

They were also both dealing with their own issues at that time, and honestly, Brian was busy pushing Justin off of his life to spare him a little time to know him better. Now that he wanted it, it was Justin who was not willing on letting him in.

"Tonight at six?" He texted.

"You're not busy I see."

"I'm the boss."

"You're the biggest dick."

"Aww. You missed my dick."

"I just had your biggest dick a few hours ago."

"And you'll have it again tonight."

"Promises. Promises."

"You know I never make promises I can't keep."

"How was your breakfast with the boys?"

"I'd rather eat you."

"Perv"

"You looked great with a ponytail. HOT."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have a beautiful voice."

"I will kill Emmett."

"You can't. What will you tell him if he asked from whom you heard he showed us your video?"

"Still going to kill him."

"He was just a proud mama bear."

"God, I'm embarrassed. I can't show my face to the guys anymore."

"Don't be embarrassed, you rock!"

"Need to go. Need to plan Emmett's murder."

"Don't kill Auntie Em, you going to miss him."

"Maybe"

"You have to sing for me sometime, not just when we're in the heat of passion."

"I'm not loud when we have sex."

"We can videotape it. I'll prove you wrong."

"No way"

"That'd be hot"

"That'd be a disaster. Got to go. See you tonight."

"Want to try Indonesian satey?"

"Okay. Later."

"Later. I'm proud of you, too."

"Thanks"

He went with Eric and Ted for lunch at the diner and they talked about the account in Lansing that they had problems with the contract. 

Brian was beginning to feel the good in having someone in your life. He was smiling a lot, more relaxed and even looking forward for going home.

He ordered their dinner before leaving the office and he just picked it up on his way. He found Justin sitting on the floor with his notes again and stood as Brian gave him a kiss on his mouth before opening the door.

They ate their dinner with a bottle of beer and Brian glanced up at Justin who seemed to find his new favorite food.

"Use your key next time, Justin."

Justin looked up, looking confused. "Key for what?"

"To this place. You still have the old one, right?

"Oh, god, Brian. I haven't returned it before I left Pittsburgh. I was planning to, you know. But, the thought of-- I just-- I just couldn't come. I'm sorry."

"Hey, that's okay. I don't mind. It would still work. I never changed the lock."

"Okay."

They fucked on the floor that evening and Justin was being folded into half. Brian put his legs on his shoulders and plowed into him with fast hard strokes, growling an animalistic sound.

When they came, they stayed there just touching each other and he noticed Justin was in deep thoughts. He nudged his neck with his nose and said, "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Hm.." He sighed, unconsciously running his thumb on Brian's collarbone. "You should go to Babylon tonight."

Brian suddenly stiffened, slowly lifted his head from nipping Justin's neck to look at him. "What?"

Justin let out a put upon sigh, "I said, you should go to--"

"I heard you the first time."

"Then why are you asking me?"

"I wasn't asking, I was actually going to say 'What are you talking about?'

"Well, I'm talking about you and Babylon, tonight."

"I don't want to. I want to stay here. It's been a long week."

"Brian, they're getting suspicious. It's better you show up tonight. You don't want Michael to barge in here demanding your presence at the club."

Not this again. Brian thought, he didn't actually care now if Michael or if everyone else knew. He'd honestly out their relationship for everyone to know, if it would make Justin believe that he was serious about getting back together-officially.

But Justin wasn't that kind who'd jump up and down knowing Brian would want to make them officially together. He still wasn't sure if Justin would react positively if he told him that kind of declaration. That was how much Justin had changed.

Until he was sure, he couldn't compromise what he had achieved in a short time already. But, with this little strange request, maybe Brian could play it to his game.

"Okay. One condition."

"What?"

"You'll have dinner with me tomorrow night. Then we'll check in a hotel for the night until Sunday afternoon."

Justin was contemplating and was about to speak when Brian cut him off.

"I'll pay for the dinner. Non negotiable. I'll come to your apartment at 6:45. Pack toiletries, underwear, shirt--your little teddy bear."

"I need to be at the shop at 10 am though. I promised Em I'd be there for the kiddie party. He'd pay me double for my time."

Brian was dancing inside, 'yeah'.

"Okay. Bring your work clothes then."

So, he dropped Justin in his apartment, kissing him for a long time before letting the young man out of the car, then went straight to Babylon.

It was already eleven and the club was in full force. The thumping of the bass almost reverberating to the chest. He found his friends on the bar chatting and drinking and they lit up seeing him strutting toward them.

"Brian! You came!" Michael said a little tipsy.

"I see that you're not so busy, boss, eh?" Ted joked meaningfully and exchanged glances with Brian who gave him a playful smirk.

"So much fresh meat, Brian. Haven't been getting laid recently, huh?" Michael was pointing to a group of twinks. Brian followed his eyes and saw some of them were watching him. He gave them an appreciative smile.

"Who told you I wasn't getting any?" He looked back at Michael a little aggravated.

"Well, you mustn't be getting that much, you're never here anymore."

"Michael, honey, we all know Brian can get them from literally everywhere. It isn't a problem for him." Emmett said looking at Michael like he was explaining to a five year old."

"But he was getting it more from here and he was not coming here for so long now."

"Michael, Brian still comes here. I saw him last Saturday night." Eric tried to reason.

"And it's Friday night. See? Before, he was here every night. Now, once a week? What's next?" Drinking the remaining quarter of his beer in one go.

"You tell me, you seem to be the one to know what's good for me."

"You're just not around anymore. I don't know what's happening to you, Brian?

"Well, I'm sorry if you feel abandoned. Sorry if I have a life outside this club. Sorry if I'm disappointing you for not nailing tricks as much as before. Guess what, we aren't the same as before too. We are 37, not 17, not even 27. So, pardon me if I can't meet your demands anymore."

"--I know this would--" Michael was shaking his head.

"Hey, guys! What's up!"

They all looked at the newcomers. Justin and Jess were all smiles and everyone was just kind of staring at them. They both suddenly felt the tension they walked into and they all just stood awkwardly for a few agonizing seconds.

"Honey, you came! Come, dance with me." Thank god for Emmett, and in a flash, was already pulling Justin to the dance floor. Jess looked at Brian and took his arm trying to pull him too.

"You, me and the dance floor, stud."

"Ménage trois. Hm, I like that. Now, if you just have the remaining instrument that I needed. That would be perfect." Brian's mood was beginning to get better.

Jess threw her head back laughing. "Whatever, stud. Indulge a poor straight lady in a gay club."

Brian laughed and went with her to dance. Eric took Blake with him while Ted stood by the bar with Michael who was looking somberly at Brian.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say this was exactly like over eight years ago. The time before Ben?" Ted leaned his back on the bar and faced the dance floor.

"What do you mean?" Michael asked without taking his eyes off of Brian.

"You, the way you were with Brian before? I thought-- Michael, after falling for Ben, I thought you were over Brian."

"What are you talking about? I love Brian as friends, he's my best friend. I just want us all to be having fun. This is who we are." He said defensively.

"Hmm. You know, when you were with Ben, you rarely went out. You had a movie, dinner date or just a cuddling night with him. I never saw Brian holding a grudge for it. He was here, doing his own business--getting his rocks off."

"You mean, Brian wants to have movie, dinner or cuddling night now? Did he say something to you? This is why he isn't coming here anymore? Is he--" Michael's eyes were wide as saucers.

"Woah, woah, I didn't say that. Brian hadn't said anything. Actually, he is just busy, Michael. That's what I was pointing out, you changed and matured when you were with Ben. You hadn't been with us doing 'fun' all that time because you were busy growing up." Michael was blinking rapidly.

"Maybe Brian is growing up too? I mean, he told you that himself earlier. He is 37 not 17 not 27. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to have fun anymore, but maybe he needed some time for himself too. We all grow up in lots of different ways, maybe this is his way. Cutting his partying to minimum and to actually spend his energy with something more important."

"Like what?"

"His work, his son, have a little life--I don't know. Who are we to question that?"

"It's just weird you know. It seems so sudden. One night he was here, then he isn't."

"That's not true. We all cut our partying from what we did 10 even 5 years ago. Brian coming to Babylon receded in numbers since more than a year ago. This past few months I noticed he's here for the weekends. Maybe he'll pick back up after the holiday season. We are really busy at Kinnetik."

Ted was hoping, for Michael's sake, that what he just said had gotten into his friend's head.

They all left at around 2 and Brian texted Justin with a simple "Good night" before he slept and Justin replied the same.

The breakfast at the diner was a loud one with Debbie working the morning shift. Justin was sitting with Eric while he was teasing him about the video. Justin was flushing in embarrassment and tried to hide his face in his hands. 

Brian went with the munchers to their house to spend some time with Gus. Gus wanted a new pairs of clothes and trainers and so Brian brought him to shop.

He spent the afternoon with Gus at the mall and Brian was even persuaded to play the arcade.

He was home at four and started to prepare for his date with Justin and their night at the hotel.

Justin was waiting at the side of the road when he arrived and they drive to mount Washington. The dinner was great, the food was awesome and the view was exceptional. Justin's head started to get dizzy just thinking how much this meal would cost Brian.

It was a very intimate night for the both of them. It was so amazing and unforgettable. Not to mention how hot they had been rutting in the huge bed that bounced them back every thrust Brian made. And the one at the jacuzzi, where Justin rode him for nearly thirty minutes? That was one of the best orgasms he had in his entire life.

Brian wanted to wrap the whole night into a bubble and they would live there forever. Unfortunately, there was life outside the four corners of the hotel room. 

He dropped Justin at the bus stop and drove home to work on one of his accounts.

The dinner at Debbie was the usual. Chatting, yelling, teasing and Michael getting information from him. Apparently, he was at the loft last night knocking at ten in the evening and Brian wasn't there.

Brian said he was busy and Mel sarcastically scoffed at him. He looked at Justin who sat between Ted and Gus, who met his eyes for a few seconds. Justin look away from him and turned to Gus to say something in his ear. His son smiled and nodded his head vigorously with what Justin was saying.

They all went to Babylon that night but retired just after midnight to be fresh on their work the next day. Brian wanted to be with Justin but Justin looked like he couldn't even carry his own legs from tiredness. So, he went home alone.

The next day, he went to the diner by himself. He was on a meeting until after two and now it was quarter after three and just happened to have his lunch. When he entered, he found Emmett there eating alone. 

He sat with him and he noticed Emmett looked a little worried. He asked why the long face, and he actually scowled at him. He said he came from dropping Justin to his apartment. Apparently, Justin had a migraine attacked and was throwing his guts up just an hour ago.

"Luckily, Jess was home and he was sleeping now. She said Justin was having this headache before and not to worry too much, it would go after a long rest."

Brian couldn't eat anymore after that. When he was on his car, he called Cynthia to tell her he wasn't coming back that day. Good thing all his meetings were done before he went out for lunch.

Jess opened the door for him when he knocked. She looked a little bit surprised but gestured for him to enter.

"How is he?"

"He's sleeping. Hopefully, the headache will clear when he wakes up."

They walked the little distance from the door to Justin's room.

"Don't disturb him too much, okay?"

"I'll just lay down with him."

Jess nodded and turned to the living room again. Brian gently opened Justin's door and found him laying on his side. The room was a bit darker and the only light was coming from the slit between the dark curtains.

He toed his loafers off, removed his jacket and placed it on a chair nearby. He took his shirt and slacks off, too, putting it on top of his jacket. Donned in just a wife beater, briefs and socks, he padded to the side of the bed and sat down.

He looked at Justin for a long moment then crawled to spoon him from behind.

Justin groaned and scratched his shoulder from the disturbance but didn't wake up. Brian took his hand and twined their fingers together rubbing his thumb gently on Justin's. He kissed the back of his head and after a while the quietness lulled Brian to sleep.

He woke up with something stroking his back. Then he felt small kisses on his neck and shoulders and that made him smile.

He opened his eyes and ran his fingers through Justin's head smiling lazily down at him.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"I take it you're better now." He lifted Justin's chin up and kissed him softly.

When they parted Justin looked up and said, "Even better now."

Brian snorted and tightened his hold on the young man. "Time is it?"

Justin pointed to the wall clock facing them. "Wow, 8:15? That was a good long nap."

Not long after, they went out to let Jess know that Justin was doing fine. She was cooking a vegetarian stir fry and they both helped to prepare the table.

While eating she said that Emmett called and said the gang wanted to visit and check if he was okay. Brian saw Justin sat frozenly looking worriedly at Jess.

"I told him you will only be sleeping the whole night and to expect you at work tomorrow morning, but not tonight. They agree."

Justin let out a relief sigh and Brian felt a little disappointed that Justin still didn't want anyone to know about them.

They took shower together and gave each other a handjob. Brian aligned their dicks and jerked it together while kissing and nipping on each other so hotly on the mouth.

They didn't bother with any clothes and slept naked spooning together. Actually, Brian was laying there for awhile thinking about his situation with Justin.

He was thinking, he just might need to be specific with Justin. He needed to clear everything, telling him face to face that he wanted them together, and not just behind closed doors but even outside of their doors.

Apparently, his views about 'words are bullshit' and action speaks louder than words didn't really work anymore. He was continuously showing Justin this past months that he was ready to date. Technically, they had been dating for some time now. 

He hope he was showing enough that he was ready to be Justin's partners, ready to commit. But it seemed it hadn't worked out like he thought it would. 

Yeah, they were big changes from Justin just from six months ago. He slowly let Justin be at ease around him and let the familiarity with each other bind them together like it usually did before. It was somehow working because he was cuddling with Justin right now, wasn't he?

Or maybe, what he needed was a little bit more patience. He already waited this long and he could endure a little bit more time.

His past with Justin wasn't really something you could say a good one for the young man. He had hurt him in the meanest possible ways and he wasn't even remorseful at that time. Justin might still living that fear.

In the end, he hadn't had a concrete plan made. He wrapped his arms around Justin, losed his eyes, and let his lover's smell bring him to slumber.

In the morning, Brian woke up alone with a bladder that was about to explode. After relieving and covering himself with Justin's bathrobe, he padded out the room to the kitchen where he knew Justin was at.

He was halfway through the hallway when he heard Jess' concerned voice that alarmed Brian in a complete different way.

"I just worry, Jus, that's it. I don't want you both to get hurt. You only supposed to--"

"I got this, Jess. Don't worry. I know and I didn't forget about it, okay?"

"Okay." 

Brian continued his steps, more pronounced this time to give the cousins an awareness that he was coming.

They both looked up and smiled at him from where they were sitting and Brian went to the vacant chair next to Justin giving him a long languid kiss. "Morning", he whispered. Justin answered and beamed while handing him his cup of coffee.

Jess was looking at them with a bit disconcerting expression and Brian wanted to at least ease her doubts about his relationship with Justin. He gave her a winning smile while resting his arm on Justin's shoulder.

"Morning, beautiful."

She smiled back and Brian swore to himself that he'd make extra effort to show her that Justin was in good hands this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Beautiful in white by Shane Filan


	6. And fill my heart with love for only you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank, Jazzepoet, for her awesome beta work.

Brian was caught with the busy atmosphere in his work. They were multi million dollar projects who needed to compete for the holidays slots on televisions, on-air, magazines and tabloids and his employees were doing their ultimate best to satisfy their clients.

Justin slept with him every night though and that was one of his incentives for coming home after a long day. He didn't care if he was tired, or hungry all day, or angry with his employees. It was just so satisfying to be home and Justin would be there waiting for him.

They went for another dinner on Thursday night in a French restaurant inside a five star hotel. Brian wanted to check in for the night but Justin said Brian had a perfect loft waiting and it was just as comfortable as a hotel room.

The next day though, Kinnetik had an emergency and Brian needed to fly to Lansing for few days to settle the problem with the contract issues.

"Flying to Lansing tonight. Flight @8."

"Sounds serious."

"Yeah. Megan screwed the contract for Yolo."

"Oh, that. I thought it was settled."

"We thought so too. Listen, can I see you before I fly? Say, at 4:30?

"Okay. No party today."

"See you"

Brian went home at 3:30 and packed his suitcase and suit bag. He took a shower and just as he finished, Justin came and Brian started tearing his clothes.

Brian took Justin the first time so hard and so fast it both left them breathless. Then he flipped the young man and rimmed him thoroughly leaving him like a human jelly. When Justin was begging him to fuck him already Brian pounded on his ass as long as he could hold off.

Justin was totally incoherent and biting the pillow and fisting the bedsheets as Brian fucked him long and hard. He was slowly pulling out up to the tip of his dick then rammed him so hard Justin's head had almost hit the headboard. Brian did it again and again until Justin was begging him repeatedly to make him cum.

Brian took mercy on his young lover and held his hips tightly then rammed him hard and fast. Justin was moaning loudly and Brian closed his eyes threw his head back giving Justin all he got.

They came after seemingly like forever and Brian slumped his weight to the poor body under him. He was kissing his nape and caressing his side lovingly.

They separated after finding their strength again but Brian was still lazily stroking Justin's arm while laying facing each other.

"You packed, already?"

"Hm." Kissing Justin's lips. "Done. Eric is coming though."

Justin stared at him for a few seconds. "Eric?"

"We're traveling together. I need him for the legalities of the contract. We'll be gone until Monday. We thought it would be wise to use one car to the airport, to save parking fees, and his was a SUV."

"Hm, that's good." He glanced over Brian's shoulder. "It's already 6:05. I should go."

"You can stay, you know. He will not come up here. Stay here tonight if you want. Or even at least until I left.

"Okay. I need to go home after you leave though."

"Call Jess to take you, okay?" Justin nodded and they showered together.

Eric called at exactly quarter to seven and Brian kissed Justin so passionately on the mouth before leaving. Justin watched them speed off from the window and stayed there looking out into space for a long time. 

He didn't call Jess to take him home, instead he walked the 10 blocks from Brian's loft to his place.

The Saturday breakfast was a little quieter with Brian and Eric not around. Michael was quieter too, it was maybe because Brian wasn't there for him to have his nonstop inquiries.

He attended Debbie's dinner on Sunday evening, and while drinking coffee after the heavy meal, his phone vibrated alerting him for a text message.

It was Brian. He sent him a picture of a glass sculpture with a shape of a rose bud in a light blue color. It was really a great creation. Brian caption it with: "Saw this at the hotel lobby and it makes me think of you."

Justin smiled sappily and replied: "That is one wonderful creation."

"Think you'd approve."

The guys went to Babylon, but Justin would rather want to catch some sleep, and he was already in his bed before midnight. He was awakened though by an arm gently stroking his chest.

"Wha--" he sleepily murmured trying to turn his body, but Brian held him in place, shushing him then kissing his head.

"Sleep."

They did.

When Justin woke up, he found Brian was already gone. There was a note on his stand, though, saying: "Need to be at the office at crack ass dawn. See you tonight."

Brian arrived last night and went straight to his place to sleep with him? Literally just to sleep with him. Justin couldn't stop the warmth spreading in his chest. Brian was turning into someone he always dreamed for him to be. 

This was the least he expected when he decided to come back. He was just hoping for some nights with Brian, but mainly, he wanted to be forgiven by him and their friends for running away without even telling. After all what Debbie and Brian and all their friends had done to him, they didn't deserve to be treated the way he handled his leaving.

He went straight to the loft after buying some groceries. He wanted to cook something for Brian this time instead of ordering. He arrived a little earlier and started to marinate the steak and started to chop some veggies.

Brian arrived a little after seven. He stood frozenly on his foyer when he saw Justin was cooking. He was so exhausted and thought he could sleep for a year and still wouldn't be enough--what's with his long torturous weekend and his day full of meetings and kissing asses--and not in a good way.

But seeing Justin like this, like he belonged here, cooking for him. He couldn't stop feeling like the luckiest son of a bitch in this entire burgh.

"Hey" he greeted dropping his briefcase unceremoniously to the floor and hugged Justin tightly from behind.

"Hey, didn't hear you come in." He stopped chopping the cherry tomatoes and turned around in Brian's arms, standing on the tip of his feet, reaching up to kiss Brian's lips.

Justin locked his hands on Brian's nape as they deepened the kiss. He was gently stroking the young man's lower back and pulled his mouth just an inch to take a breath then dove in again for another long, hot, wet kisses.

Justin pulled away this time before they would be too hot to stop. "Let's have dinner first." Brian was about to protest but Justin kissed him. "You can have me for dessert."

"Can't we just have dessert first then dinner?"

"Nice try, stud. But no."

Brian changed into a white tee and faded jeans and found he was actually starving and ate the steak and salads that Justin prepared. They also enjoyed just talking about nothing in particular.

"Anyway, I thought you were arriving late afternoon today?"

"Got an early flight. Then I went straight to your apartment."

"With Eric?"

"Nah. There was only one flight available. He took the scheduled flight earlier."

"Oh. What time you came in?"

"Around 1:30. Need to go to the office so early though. And I didn't want to wake you up. I left around 6:30."

There were less talking after that because Brian wanted to have his dessert and he always loved taking his time enjoying it.

The next day was a brutal one for Brian. It was the last day of work before thanksgiving and they were all working until the wee hours of the night. 

He texted Justin earlier in the day that he was going to be at the office until midnight. He told him he'd be at Justin's place after. Justin replied, informing him, he left an extra key under the pot of plants at the end of the hallway.

Brian didn't go back to his loft until Thursday at noon when he needed to change to go to Debbie's thanksgiving dinner.

When he was about to open his door though, he found it was slightly ajar. Alarmed rising through his body as he slowly peeked to check what was happening inside his loft. He needed to call the police but he needed to at least know how many burglars were there.

But what he saw wasn't what he was expecting. He saw Michael on his working table leafing through his documents and his chests drawers were all opened.

He slowly slide the door just a small fraction to let his body through and padded to where his friend was at. He was going through his things like he owned it. He wouldn't tolerate Michael invading his privacy like this.

"Did you find what you're looking for?"

Michael jumped a foot from the ground squealing like a girl. "Brian! Where the hell were you?" He ran to him and tried to hug him but Brian evaded it.

"What are you doing going through my things?" His voice was dangerously calm pointing a stare on his friend.

"I was worried about you. I came here Tuesday night, you weren't answering the door, you didn't return my calls! Then yesterday I was here in the morning and still no one answered the door. I came again last night with the guys, and told them you were missing for two nights. You still weren't home. Where have you been? Why weren't you returning my calls? I was so worried, Brian!"

He scoffed and went to look at the documents Michael was going through. Almost all his personal folders were out of the drawers. Michael must have been leafing through them for some time now.

"So you need to go all through this to see where I was?" He asked lifting some papers then slapping it hard back on the table. "You figured it gave you the right to invade my privacy because I didn't come home to my loft and hasn't been returning your calls."

"I told you I was worried. You could be dead, Brian! It wasn't as if I stole anything from you." Michael was in near shouting and he was fisting his hands. Brian couldn't believe this.

"I never gave you the right to come here to my place and just opened my drawers. I didn't give you the key to my place so that you could badge in here anytime you want. I don't care if you steal or not, but maybe it would be better if you steal my cooking pot than you snooping your nose on my private things."

"I just tried to see if I can find anything to tell me where you could possibly be. I wasn't snooping--"

"Just go, Michael. Take this as my warning. Don't bother to use the key again. I'm changing the locks."

"Bria--"

"Go!"

Michael scurried away and Brian followed to bang the door, so hard the sound reverberated in his loft. He went to collect all his files that were haphazardly strewn all over the table. He couldn't believe this. How could Michael do this to him?

Going to his liquor cabinet, he took the Jim Beam and drank straight from it. 

Brian arrived at Debbie's on quarter after four and he heard a collective annoying groans from his friends. He paid them no mind as he took a seat on a couch beside Mel, the only one available. Well, lucky him.

He searched the room for Justin and found him sitting with Eric. He was listening to what seem to be an interesting topic the zen man was telling him. When Justin glanced up, Brian received a sweet smile from his lover.

"We all shouldn't be surprised you are late because you just can't help yourself to start drinking." Mel snarked at Brian, that made the room silent.

"You're drunk, Brian?" Debbie asked who just heard what Mel said when she was on her way to the living room. Michael was somewhere behind her.

"Hm, not drunk. Just a couple of shots."

"You just can't help it." Mel snickered back.

"That's what you would be doing too if you know someone breaks into your place." Brian could see on his peripheral that Justin sat stiffly and scoot forward from his seat.

"You've been robbed?"

"What did the burglars take?"

"Oh my god, Brian, are you hurt?"

"Did you call the police?"

Everyone was asking him all at the same time. He put his hands up to stop them and shook his head. "No, he didn't steal anything. No, I'm not hurt and no police."

"Well, with the number of your tricks coming and going to your place, this is bound to happen, it could be one of them." Melanie again.

"Yeah, because I've been known for giving my tricks a key to my loft. Oh, wait, I've been known of kicking their asses not a second after they cum."

"Brian, I think you should report this break in. It doesn't matter if nothing was stolen. No one should be invading anyone else's privacy." Vic said looking at him warmly.

"I let this time be a warning." He leaned his head back to the couch and looked up at Debbie. "Well, the turkey isn't cooked yet?"

"I came here to tell you all the table was ready-we got side tracked- so come on, children. We have lots to be thankful for."

Brian made sure to sit beside Justin and when one by one stated what they were actually thankful for, Justin rested his hand on Brian's lap. Brian tried not to draw any attention but slowly lowered his arm and put his hand at the top of Justin's. The young man turned his and twined it together.

When it was Justin's turned to speak he said: "I'm thankful for my family, blood related or not, I'm thankful for second chances..." He looked at each and everyone of them. "And I'm so, so thankful I still have this chance to celebrate thanksgiving with you all."

Brian was looking at Jess and he thought she was on the verge of crying. He noticed how she tried composing herself.

"Brian!" He looked up at Debbie. "Your turn."

"Uhm," clearing his throat. "Thankful to be part of this family, thankful for my son, thankful for my businesses, and... Uh, I'm thankful to learn to follow what I want." He squeezed Justin's hand tightly.

He texted Justin while they were all having a pumpkin pie after the dinner to meet him at Justin's apartment at nine in the evening. He saw him at one point, talking to Jess while she was washing the plates.

The cousins said their goodbyes at around ten minutes before eight saying Jess had promised a friend from work to attend a party.

Emmet asked why she needed to bring Justin when they were her friends and Justin could be having fun with them at Babylon instead.

"I want Justin to meet one of my co-workers who will be there. I think they will hit it off. My cousin needs a love life." He needed to buy a diamond earrings for this girl in Christmas.

They were all nodding their heads in affirmation and they bid their goodbyes. Brian was not committing to anyone who asked if he'd be going to Babylon. Michael didn't complain and was actually on his best behavior that night.

He went to his loft first and packed a bag then drive to Justin's apartment.

Justin was waiting for him when he arrived and he actually lunged to kiss him as soon as he entered the house. "What happened?" He asked when they pulled apart. "Was it Michael?"

"Yeah." He nodded, taking Justin's hand leading him to the sofa. "He was at the loft and snooping around my desk with all the documents that I keep in the drawer all flying around like he has the right to touch them. I called a locksmith and let him changed the locks, that's why I was late."

"Oh my god. Brian."

"Here." He handed him a key and Justin took it, still looking dumbfounded. "There are only three copies. Yours, mine and the super."

"Brian, I told you he--"

"I don't care, Justin." He snapped but then he held his lover's nape moving him forward a little. "Listen, can we go to a hotel and spend the remaining holidays together? Just the two of us?"

Justin seemed to think for a while. "We can go to New York if you want." 

Brian was looking at him with mouth hanging open. Then he brightened up and took Justin's face on his hands.

"You serious, right? Justin nodded his head. Brian crushed their lips together. "Go pack now. Hurry!" He said joyously. Justin stood up, laughing at his overly excited reaction.

They were in New York for three days and he texted Lindsay and Ted this time that he was away for few days. Everyone thought Justin was in his apartment and busy with his new boyfriend that he met at Jess' office party.

They were both literally in heaven as Brian booked a suite room at The Four Seasons hotel and the room was even facing the Central Park. They stayed coop up inside for the whole day of Friday, went out for breakfast on Saturday, then a marathon shopping for themselves and some for Christmas gifts the whole afternoon. They had dinner date that night at Per Se and strolled the icy street of New York hand in hand. It was just so surreal. 

They arrived back at Justin's around 4pm on Sunday. They both took a nap and Jess woke them at around 6:15. Brian went to Debbie's on his car while the two cousins were on Jess' car just few minutes behind him.

Brian was being grilled by Eric and Emmett about his lost weekend and Brian just shrugged his shoulders saying he had a great thanksgiving holiday. Justin on the other hand had a hard time with Debbie and the girls. They wanted him to bring his new boyfriend and meet them.

"Debbie, he's not my boyfriend. We just hangout and have fun."

"...and fuck, I supposed?" Eric teased

Justin chuckled lightly, "Yeah, I guess, so."

"That's my baby!" Emmet said enthusiastically. "Anyway, whatever happened to your phantom sex mate, uhm, I mean, text mate before? You seemed smitten too. I remember you can't stop making eyes with your phone."

"He's around." He said biting his lower lips. Brian couldn't help following every movement with his eyes. Then he saw Michael was staring at him who looked away when Brian arched his eyebrow up.

"Way to go, Jus." Eric said clapping him on his back lightly.

Few days passed and his nights with Justin became the part of Brian's life that actually kept him sane and grounded, amidst the busiest season and the seemingly endless screwing up on their campaigns. Brian was always on edge and everyone was so stressed out.

He made sure though to be home not later than eight even how busy they might have been. He realized later on how domesticated it seem to be. Regardless, he honestly had never been this-dare he say it-happy before. 

He remembered what Ted had told him about being with someone. It was truly a delightful feeling to have someone to come home to, to eat dinner with, even just to talk to, snuggled with in front of a re-runs. Sounded so crazy, but it was true.

There's only one thing he knew would make him even happier. If they could just stop hiding what they had and actually be a couple in front of everyone. He also wanted Justin to move in with him, but he knew it was a little far-fetched at the moment. 

Though, he promised he'd never stop until he and Justin would be 'together' in every sense of the word. He just needed a little more patience.

Since before thanksgiving, he started to be friendly with Justin in public. Be it at the diner, at Woody's, Babylon or at Debbie's dinner, he always made sure to interact with him. He started by sitting beside Justin once in awhile, to teasing him about his food, joking with him, asking about his work.

If anyone of their friends had noticed, they never let him know.

That made Justin slowly became at ease with him, even publicly. He still had a little reservations and got conscious especially around their friends, but he somehow smiles a lot and even began teasing Brian almost incessantly.

Debbie and the girls were still bothering Justin about his mysterious boyfriend though. They all thought he was the reason for Justin's glowing auras and they all should meet the guy who was responsible for their sunshine to glow even more.

It was just a convenient reason for Justin to continue his charade about the false identity of the boyfriend. Especially when Brian wanted to get away with him for a while.

Brian might not agree with Justin not setting the story straight. There was nothing he wanted more than Justin saying his mysterious boyfriend was him. But he honestly couldn't care less, not unless Justin really had a mysterious boyfriend other than him.

He knew Justin would have to admit their relationship eventually. He'd give Justin the time he wanted. They had already moved a long way since seven months ago. 

He'd learn not to push things if it wasn't time, everything would settle on its own right time. That was what he learned from their previous mistakes.

One Friday afternoon, two weeks before Christmas, Brian called Justin that he was going to be home later that evening. Justin said he was kind of busy too and couldn't possibly go to the loft not earlier than nine. 

He was actually meeting a client himself for a dinner. Emmet was having another meeting on the other side of the city and this client was one of the repeaters and she would fly to Italy later tonight and not be back until the day before the party.

They had dinner at the Renaissance hotel. The client insisted on it. They had been there for about over an hour and finally settled on everything she requested. The surprise birthday party was for his husband who would be traveling with her that night.

She apologized for leaving so fast after dinner but she had a plane to catch in three hours. Justin told her he didn't mind, it would only take him a few minutes to collect his catalogues and he'd be on his way too.

He was ready to head out of the restaurant at about eight o'clock. It wasn't really late like he thought he would be and wondered when would Brian be home. Didn't matter, he'd just take a shower and maybe watched some TV.

He was walking in the hallway and was about to turnleft for the lobby when he thought the guy facing the counter, checking in at the reception, was a little too familiar.

He remembered Brian's suit he donned in the morning and it was identical with this man. What was Brian doing here?

Then all of a sudden a hand appeared on Brian's shoulder. He glanced at the guy who stood at his right then moved his head closer to his ear and said something to him. They were both grinning to each other, then Brian took the key card from the receptionist smiling so widely.

When they turned around to walk across the lobby to the elevators, Justin was totally frozen on his feet when he got a clear view of the guy who Brian was checking in with.

It was Eric.

It was already midnight and Justin was still awake. He knew this would be happening and he actually prepared himself for this before coming back to Pittsburgh. But it still stung. The ghost from their past obviously still haunted him.

What he didn't expect though was Brian becoming this perfect boyfriend material. This was what he used to pray for. That one day Brian would finally let him in and he would let Justin loved him.

Somehow, he must've gone to sleep, because he was being awaken by a tight embrace in the middle of the night.

He was laying there so stiffly on Brian's arms. He didn't try to move as he started kissing the back of his neck to his shoulders. Running his hands softly on his abdomen up to his nipples.

Brian must've known he was already awake because he was poking his hard leaking cock on his lower back. He moved it slowly downward until the whole length of his bare cock was running through his cracks, up and down.

"Hey" he whispered to his ear.

Justin didn't answer and kept pretending he was asleep, though he knew Brian was already aware that he was awake.

"Justin?" He stopped all his ministrations and tried to turn his lover. Justin resisted but Brian went to lie down on Justin's other side. Now that they were facing each other, Brian tried to gauge his mood. But Justin's eyes were closed.

"Justin, please look at me." He whispered. Brian was actually puzzled by this and it threw him off a little. This was the first time he got this kind of reaction from his lover.

"Tell me what happened?"

Justin opened his eyes and shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing happened? Go to sleep." Justin tried to give Brian a smile but it failed.

"Talk to me." He took him in his arms and hugged Justin.

"Nothing to talk about."

Then Brian felt it. It was so subtle but Justin was nevertheless doing it.

"Are you sniffing me?" He felt him stiffened a bit then he was shaking his head.

"I wasn't." He turned to his other side giving his back to Brian again, who scooted over and hugged him from behind.

"Justin, I wasn't with a trick. I told you I was busy with work." He was quiet for a long time. Brian was even beginning to think Justin had fallen asleep.

"Maybe he isn't a trick?" It was spoken so low, had he not been so closed enough, he wouldn't have heard it.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It's okay, Brian. I know where I stand. I always knew my place."

"This is just ridiculous." He moved to lie on his back. "I wished I knew what you are talking about."

There was a pregnant paused with no one from them moved or talked. Then Brian turned to Justin's back and wrapped his arms around his lover again, scooting closer.

With whatever reasons, Brian never knew, Justin was somehow thinking he was out tricking that night. He felt his 'old defenses' crawling out slowly like a poisonous venom in his blood. He wanted to lash out.

But, no. He wouldn't do that. He was somehow not that man anymore. Brian tried to center himself thinking he had been this closed of getting Justin back to waste it for a petty misunderstanding. He wanted to be the better man here. He was a better man. 

There must have been someone who saw him earlier, doing what, he didn't know, and somehow Justin heard about it. The power of gossip. 

He tried to think what he did that day that could possibly be interpreted as tricking.

He was at Kinnetik all day with meetings after meetings. At around 5, he and Ted headed to the hotel where the photo shoot of a beach wear company was held.

It went smoothly and Brian had left to go to his last meeting at Cafe Luisito. At around quarter before eight, he received a call from Ted, telling him that one of the models was having a tantrum and was backing off the shoot. 

The director had gone ballistic and Brian had gone to the hotel once again. He called Eric to meet them at the Renaissance to help them slapped the bitch with her contract.

He stopped by the reception to take an extra key card because the room was loud enough to hear a knock and Eric found him there. He joked about thinking of giving the bitch the ride of her life, but because Eric was there, he could just do the honors. 'You like long legged, bitches, don't you?' He whispered to his ear.

'Long legged, yeah, but not bitches. Definitely not bitches. Long legged, queens. Yeah! That's more my type. Queens.'

They were laughing the whole way to the 10th floor. The bitch model though, was insisting her contract was only to be on bikinis and not with other diving suits and paraphernalia. She also didn't want to be pictured with the other lady models, for some reasons or the other. Brian was beginning to have a permanent headache.

Eric, Brian, Ted, the bitch and her manager were wasting time talking about her demands and her claims and it was almost midnight when they settled everything.

"I don't know what you think happened, but I swear, Justin, I wasn't out like you have been thinking I was doing." The silence was unnerving.

"You still believe that I will never lie to you, won't you?"

He felt Justin nodded after few seconds. "I always believe you, Brian. It will never change."

Brian nodded his head in acceptance and might even be so grateful.

"I thought I would find you at the loft when I got home. You were never there tonight, weren't you?"

Justin nodded. "I'm sorry I queen out on you."

"I must've given you a reason to feel that way. But whatever that was, believe me I wasn't with anyone."

"I believe you, Brian. I'm really sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. In fact, if anyone should say sorry, it should be me. I want to apologize to everything I had done to you, Justin. I know we can't change anything that had happened before, but I'm sure we can be better this time around."

Justin was quiet for a while, then he softly said, "I'm sorry, too, for being so needy before, Brian. It was so immature of me for doing what I had done, cheating on you like that. I'm really sorry."

Brian nodded his head and kissed his lips. He ran his hands up to Justin's nipples again, pinching it lightly then soothing it with his thumb. "Hey, we can have our first make up sex."

Justin chuckled lightly shaking his head at his lover. Brian bit his shoulder while his hand ran down to his half hard dick.

Justin could feel Brian's pre-cum on the small of his back pooling and running down his side. He felt the hand on his dick traveled down to his hole and Brian gently poked it with his middle finger. He must've collected his pre-cum because Brian's finger was wet.

"Brian..." He moaned.

"What?" He was licking Justin's ear down to his neck and shoulder.

"Fuck me, Brian."

And so he did. It wasn't the usual hard and fast, instead, it was torturously slow that Justin thought he had lost his mind after he'd cum.

It was already after 4 am when they finally sleep. Good thing it was Saturday the next day because Brian was so beat he could sleep for a year.

But of course he didn't even have the right to sleep in for the weekend. Jess was knocking the door at 8 goddamn morning. 'We are going to the diner!' She cheerfully said. Goddamn morning people.

They rode on their separate cars and when he arrived Justin was already sitting between Emmet and Eric.

He was sipping his coffee, but it tasted more like a petroleum, trying hard to zone out the noise when a particular words seeped through his auditory canals that made him more attentive.

"--and better tell that mother of yours, sunshine, to call her old queen friend from Pittsburgh. Tell her, the name is Debbie, the red wig, loud, Debbie. I will miss you and Jess here, though."

What? Goodness, he wanted to rewind the time to five minutes ago.

He looked up at Justin who was smiling a little somberly too. "I'll tell her Debbie. And Jess and I will be on your Sunday dinner before we leave the next day."

What? Justin was going to Ohio on Christmas? When did this happen? Why he was always the last one to know about everything?

He schooled his face to nonchalance but he was brewing inside. He couldn't wait to get out from there.

When the breakfast was over and everyone went on their separate ways, he noticed Michael was trying to catch with his steps when he was on his way to his car.

"Brian, can we talk?" He asked tentatively.

He shook his head. God, not this shit again. Not now. He needed to be at Justin's apartment right about that moment. "Not now, Michael. I need to be somewhere."

"I just need a moment, Brian. Please."

"Talk"

Michael started to shift from one foot to the other and glancing up at him squinting a little. "I'm sorry for what I did, Brian. I know I had no rights to do that and I'm really sorry for it. I hope you'd forgive me for going in to your place and invaded your privacy."

Brian let out a deep breath and he closed his jacket more securely because it was so damn cold. "Just don't do it again. You're my friend, Mikey. Not my mother, not my keeper and absolutely not my wife. So stop acting like you are."

Michael nodded and when they arrived to Brian's car Brian opened it, then closed it again and turned to face Michael.

"You are my friend, Michael. One of my best friends and my oldest friend. Whatever life will throw at us, that friendship, It will never change. That 23 years, I will never forget it, Michael. Do you understand that?"

Michael was wiping his tears running down his face. He nodded and went to hug Brian. "I'm so sorry, Brian."

Brian returned the embrace and clapped him on his back. "Forget about it."

Michael nodded again and tried to compose himself. "I really need to go now though. We hangout some other time, okay?"

They bid their goodbyes and Brian drove straight to Justin's. He found the cousins in the living room laughing and when Jess saw his face she immediately excused herself and went to her room.

"Hey, I thought you'll be with Gus this afternoon?" Justin asked following Brian's movement as he paced back and forth in front of the younger man.

"When are you going to tell me, Justin?" He suddenly halted his pacing and was looking down at Justin.

He saw Justin flinched, his face became paler and panicked flashing his eyes in just a matter of seconds. What the fuck?

Why was Justin reacting like this? Did he seriously thought he could keep this from him when they practically almost living together right now? And why did he feel to keep this from him? It didn't make any sense.

"Brian--" God, Justin was closed to hyperventilate and Brian rushed to him in alarm forgetting the reasons for his frustration.

"Justin, Justin--" he crouched down in front of him taking a hold of his hands. "Hey, it's okay if for some reasons you don't want me to know you're going to Ohio for Christmas. I mean, it's really not okay, but if that's what you want--I guess, I'll be okay with that. I just don't understand why you never mentioned it to me before. I have to know it accidentally like that."

Brian noticed that Justin was suddenly looking at him like he just saw him for the first time. He didn't say anything, or even moved, except for the rapid blinking of his still wide eyes.

"Justin, hey, are you okay?" Brian's eyes were full of worry. "Should I call Jess?"

Justin seemed to wake up from his stupor and shook his head. "No, no, Brian. I'm okay."

"Hey, what had just happened?" He whispered running his hands on the length of Justin's arms.

"Nothing. I was just--I thought you--" he closed his eyes and Brian could literally see the tension on Justin's shoulders just a minute ago evaporated through the thin air.

"I'm sorry, Brian. It's not that I don't want to tell you, but Jess and I just decided long before, that we would spend thanksgiving here and Christmas back in Ohio. I forgot to mention it and I think I even forgot about it until my mother reminded me about it yesterday. I saw Debbie yesterday when I went to the diner for lunch and mentioned it to her. I was about to tell you last night at the loft but then--" he nervously glanced down at Brian.

Brian smiled a little continuing to rub his arms. "Hey, I guess, I overreacted a bit." He kissed Justin on the mouth. "Sorry?"

Justin's eyebrows comically went up and Brian couldn't help but laugh. He knew what Justin was thinking, two sorry in a span of two days.

"I know, sorry is bullshit." Justin smiled back. "But it isn't, Justin."

"Brian, it's okay. I understand why were you queening out."

"I never queen out." He gave Justin a pointed look. "Anyway, how many days you have to spend in Ohio?"

"Six days. We are leaving on Monday, the 24th, and be back on Sunday morning, the 30th. We--"

"Six day?! Six fucking days?" Brian abruptly stood up looking like someone who had his dog kicked. "Why so long? Why can't you come back home on the 26th?"

"Brian, I don't see my mom and Molly so often. And Jess with her family, too. It is only less than a week."

"27th then." He bargained. Justin was laughing so hard now.

"The flights were already booked, Brian. I NEED to be there until the 30th."

"That is just too long. Don't tell me I didn't warn you when you gone insane missing me. Anyway, can we have our second make up sex now?"

Justin laughed so loud and started to run out of the living room shouting "You're crazy, Bria-- ahh!" But then Brian followed him and caught him on his waist tickling it a bit. Justin was squealing like a teenage girl and Brian back him on the wall near Jess' door.

He was looking down at Justin before leaning forward to kiss him. It started as small pecks and nipping on each other's lips but it deepened into one scorching hot, clawing into each other's necks and backs and asses kind of kiss.

Both were moaning loudly into each other's mouth rutting against each other's crotch. Brian started to unzip Justin's pants when they heard Jess' voice from the other side of the door, saying: "Traumatized me and both of you will starve. Who will cook your scrawny asses' breakfast in the morning if I'm going to be institutionalized?"

"She got a point, you know?" Justin whispered and Brian was nodding seriously.

"Yes, yes. Of course, she's right." Brian conceded. "Wanna continue this in your room?"

Justin nodded vigorously then they were both running like elephants and locked in Justin's room. They didn't get out until dinner that night.

On Sunday dinner at Debbie, she was telling everyone they would be having two Christmas parties this year. An early Christmas dinner on the 23rd which they would give Justin and Jess their gifts that night. The second would be on Christmas Day.

They were all tasting Emmett's new Forest cake recipe when Justin excused to take a piss. When he came back and looked at them eating, he went to the kitchen to take a slice of the cake. They were all staring at him when he came back that made him a little self conscious.

"What?" He asked, wiping his chin for possible icing.

"Sunshine, you already have a slice here." Debbie said lifting a plate. "See, you haven't even eaten half of it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Justin's stricken face made Debbie to back off.

"That's okay. Actually, take that one home and finish this. I'll pack it later on."

Justin was little subdued after that. When he was in his car going back to the loft, where he and Justin decided to sleep that night, he saw Justin in Jess' car writing furiously. Jess was still on the side walk talking with Emmett and Eric.

He was in his kitchen drinking water when Justin came in. He looked exhausted and Brian told him showering could elevate ones mood.

He lead his somber lover to the bathroom and removed both their clothing. He didn't know what happened but it was as if he felt the sadness that Justin was feeling right that time.

Brian wanted to know, he wanted Justin to tell him what was suddenly bothering him. He wanted them to share every happiness, success and even failures and problems. He yearned to let Justin know that he was there for him. Always.

Justin wasn't talking and it almost killed Brian to see him on the verge of tears. He couldn't push him if he'd not tell him though. What he could do was to make Justin feel that he wasn't alone. He hugged his lover so fiercely and kissed his head.

They finally went inside the cubicle and Brian started to soap Justin's back. He followed it with a shampoo to lather his hair.

He was scratching Justin's scalp when Brian felt the slight bump of his wound. Brian was almost like transported back to that time when he was on the ground with Justin bleeding to death. He almost fell to his knees as it shook under him.

Good thing Justin was facing the shower head and couldn't see his expression. He continued to lather on Justin's back running his shaky hand lovingly up his shoulders back down to his sides.

His chest was beating so fast and his eyes beginning to sting. He bit his lips in an attempt to stop himself from heaving. This was the man that he would want to be with, the only one he would want to be with. His now forlorn young love. The young love he had almost lost at a tender age of 18. Almost.

Then Brian couldn't take it anymore. His chest felt like exploding inside of him. He threw the loofah on the floor and hugged Justin to him from behind.

He knew he was crying but thank goodness for the small favor the shower did, it washed away his tears before it would even fall off his eyes.

Justin didn't say anything, he just ran his hand on Brian's arms that wrapped tightly around him.

"I love you, Justin." He whispered to him. "God, I love you so much."

He softly confessed closing his eyes and kissing the side of Justin's head. He heard him whimpered bringing his hand to his mouth. Then he felt his shoulders shaking. Justin was crying.

He turned him around and wrapped him close to him. Justin put his head on his chest as he silently cried on it and Brian couldn't do anything than hold him, kissing his head again and again.

When Brian heard the soft "I love you, too, Brian." He could have sworn he could hear the angels singing.

No words were exchanged after that confession. It was as if those three little words had brought every answers to every questions clouding their existence.

They slept spooning together as they always had. It was sure to be one exhausting emotional night for the both of them, but needless to say, it was the best one yet.

The coming week, Justin was becoming increasingly joyful and if you just know how to find it, you'd see his eyes had that extra sparkles.

Brian on the other hand, was busy arranging his schedules to accommodate a little get away with his boyfriend. Hah. Boyfriend. Who would have thought at his age of 37, he would be proud to say he had a boyfriend. 

Maybe, boyfriend was a little junior high school-ish kind of thing. But hey, we all started from somewhere. And this was his and Justin's.

On Monday, following the night of confessions, Brian ordered two dozens of red roses for Justin and sent it to Emmett's shop with a simple message of 'The Language of Flowers'.

Emmett squealed and squeaked for over an hour grilling Justin who'd sent him roses saying I love you. Justin just smiled and shrugged his shoulders but Emmett could see he knew who the sender was and Justin was delighted by it.

Brian who was spending all his nights with Justin realizing he hadn't even thought of tricking in, god, he even didn't know when he stopped tricking. Two months, maybe? Wow, had it been that long? And had there been any difference with tricking every night and being with Justin alone?

Yeah, so much difference. He was more pro active, he was feeling great-mentally, emotionally and physically-than he ever had been.

He also hadn't used any drugs for months now and his drinking had reduced considerably to a bottle or two of beer at dinner time. And Brian had totally felt the difference from abusing his body with his vices to just taking it easy.

On Tuesday, he arrived at the loft finding it in total darkness. He started to search his brain for anything Justin told him that day. He must've had a client meeting that Brian had forgotten. But then he tripped on Justin's bag laying unceremoniously on the foyer. He could also see his boyfriend's trainers a few feet away from the bag.

He padded his way to the bedroom, that was only illuminated by the street lights. Justin was sleeping in bed with all his clothes from work laying on top of the duvet.

He slowly went to take his extra blanket and put it around Justin. Brian moved to change his suit to a shirt and pants then went to prepare a peanut butter jelly sandwich for his dinner. After he ate, he settled on his computer to do some work.

Justin didn't wake up even after Brian had wrapped his arm around him. He sniffed to smell his hair and neck kissing the skin between Justin's shoulder blades. His scent was intoxicatingly hypnotic and it lulled Brian to sleep.

He woke up with Justin nipping on his chin. He smiled popping one eye to take a peek on his lover who was smiling back at him. He Leaned down his head catching Justin's lips in a long passionate kiss. He missed kissing those lips.

"You all right now?" He was running his thumb on the blond's jaw.

He nodded his head, "Sorry, I slept the whole night. Didn't even notice you come."

"Hey, don't apologize. I want to wake you up to make sure you're all right but I remembered Jess telling me before that you just needed rest."

He nodded, then moved his head up to kiss Brian's lips. Justin's hand was slowly caressing his hips moving down to his morning woody. Brian moaned as his palm made contact with his dick. They both enjoyed having lots of protein in the morning.

On Thursday, Brian was having a great day. He had a good news from Ted first thing in the morning about the quarterly profits surpassing their projection. It was actually a great news to everyone and Brian had promised a handsome bonus if they all succeeded with their campaigns.

Then he had worked enough this past few days to actually free his weekend to spend some time with his hot blond in a hot beach.

He was all smile while punching his phone to send Justin a message.

"Hey, you busy?"

"Yeah, a little. But the party is on full swing now."

"Another kiddy party?"

"No. A 50th wedding anniversary."

"Wow. How old are they?"

"Grandpa-78, Grandma-73."

"Do you think they still fuck?"

"Goodness, Brian, I just snorted the soda I was drinking."

"What? I was just curious."

"You're evil."

"Anyway, what do you think about getting away for the weekend?"

"Wow, really? Where are we going?"

"Bahamas. You approve?"

"I love it! What time is the departure?"

"Wait, I'll ask Cynthia the available flights."

He pushed the intercom button to his executive assistant's office. 

"Cyn, what are the flights available for Bahamas?"

"Let me, uh.... here.... okay, 3pm Friday; 11:30 Friday; 8am Saturday. I guess, the returning flight will be the 12pm Sunday because the only other flight back is at 10:30pm. What time do you want me to--"

"Wait, Cyn. Just hold on." He cut her off and dialed to call Justin's phone. 

"Hey, so, what time?"

"Hey, uhm, there are a couple flights on Friday. 3 and 11:30 pm. What do you prefer?"

"Well, I have a kiddy one from 11:30 to 1 pm. We'll be doing it in a kindergarten school."

"Then we'll take the 3pm. I can go to your place and pack your suitcase then I'll get you near the shop at 1:45."

"Okay, okay. That'd be perfect. Book it."

"Okay. See you at home tonight."

"Yeah. See you." Brian hang up the phone and returned to the intercom which he didn't turn off.

"Cynthia?"

"Ye-yeah, boss."

"You heard it. Three pm flight." He knew Cynthia heard his one way conversation.

"Okay. Uh, for two?"

"Obviously, Cyn. Book the hotel, too. I want a suite room in One and Only Ocean Club."

"Consider it done. Uh, Brian..."

"Yes?"

"The, uh, I need the name of your companion for the tickets and insurance."

"Justin Taylor." Then he closed the intercom.

Brian left the office on Friday at exactly twelve noon. He went to the loft first to change his suit, secured every windows, took his suitcase then drove to Justin's.

He packed him a pair of jeans, shirts, briefs and socks. He left a message for Jess that they would call her when they landed, then he was on his way to the bus station near Emmett's shop.

Justin kissed him as he hopped in the car. He was obviously very excited and it made Brian's chest felt so warm.

He reached to take Justin's hand and held it. "I'm giving you your first Christmas gift when we arrive in Bahamas."

"First Christmas gift?" He dubiously asked Brian narrowing his eyes."So, there will be more?"

"Two more." He nodded. "I'll give one on next Sunday. The other one will be a surprise."

"You're spending too much, Brian. This trip is a great Christmas gift already."

"This trip is not a Christmas gift. This is just us getting away. And don't worry too much, okay?"

They arrived at the hotel resort in Nassau a little before eight and they both had a very lovely dinner in a restaurant serving seafoods. The resort was just too heavenly to describe and they strolled the length of the beach.

They went back to their room and Brian suggested they took a shower. It was a long day but both were excited to be traveling together to a warm place.

Brian gave Justin a blowjob in the shower, and when he wanted to reciprocate, Brian shook his head saying it was just for him.

They started to kiss again on the bed caressing one another making the others intensely hot. Brian kissed him wetly on the mouth running his hand on his side to his waist and rutted their dicks together. After a while, he rolled them over placing Justin on top of him but didn't take their mouths off from kissing.

Brian ran his hands up and down on the smooth skin of Justin's back sliding it to his two perfect globes and squeezed it. They were moaning in each other's mouth thrusting against each other.

Then Brian held Justin's head gently pulling it away and looked up at him intensely. Justin stared back at him running the back of his palm on his lightly stubbled cheeks.

All of a sudden, Brian turned his body to the side table reaching for a condom that was on the top drawer. He then settled on the pillow looking up at Justin holding the thing between them.

Justin was about to grab it to put it on Brian's dick when Brian moved it away from him. He looked down to his lover questioningly but then Brian placed the condom right in front of his face.

"I want you to use this." 

Wow, Justin couldn't help widening his eyes in reaction. This was just surreal. It has been so long ago when he had fucked Brian. It only happened for few times, only three actually, for the whole time they had been together before.

"I'd love to, Brian. Are you sure?"

Brian just nodded and lifted his head reaching to kiss Justin's lips. There were no more talking after that. The only thing you could hear were the sounds of moaning, granting, growling and the wetly slapping of skin to skin.

They planned to eat breakfast in a recommended restaurant just a walking distant away from their hotel. Brian was putting on his socks when Justin came in to the bedroom searching frantically for something.

He was turning the bedsheets and pillows but obviously what he was looking wasn't there.

"What are you looking for?"

"My phone, Brian. Haven't seen it since last night. I might drop it on the beach."

Brian wasn't sure if Justin was just shitting him or he really forgot. But judging by the look on his face Justin wasn't really kidding him.

"Justin, it was on the counter in bathroom. You just used it to call Jess before taking a shower, remember?"

That stricken face again. Justin was looking like he was about to cry and Brian walked up to him to hug his distraught boyfriend. "Hey, it must be the warm weather, you know. We were from freezing cold Pittsburgh just yesterday, so give yourself some slack. Okay?"

Justin nodded but he was still a bit disturbed.

"It could be hunger, too. So, come on. Let's feed you with Bahamian breakfast."

It turned to be a really great albeit short vacation. The weather was warm, the people were hot, foods were delicious and the place was paradise.

Brian promised Justin they would be back and they would stay longer when it happens.

They slept all the way from Nassau to Pittsburgh and felt a little bit rested by the time they arrived Justin's apartment at four thirty in the afternoon.

They sat with Jess regaling their short vacation until they needed to separate to go to Debbie's.

They were both sporting tan but it wasn't that obvious especially they both wore a long sleeve shirts.

The gang asked Brian where did he go this time around to lounge his hot ass. Brian replied a disinterested, 'Just around' to his nosey friends.

"And you two," Debbie pointed his finger to Jess and Justin who were huddled together on a recliner. "Skipping breakfast on Saturday to sleep in?"

"Deb, we were hungover and I was vomiting my gut out. Sorry. We should have known not to party with college students." Jess tried to look pathetically remorseful and Brian was internally laughing his ass off.

The week followed had gotten more colder, regardless though, the streets were busy than ever. People were rushing for last minute Christmas gifts shopping, or for Christmas dinners or just wanted to feel the Christmas-y atmosphere around the city.

The gang were all assembled at the Woody's on Tuesday evening drinking the day's tensions away. Brian was sitting with Jess on his right and Ted on his left, while Justin was between Emmett and Blake.

The place was buzzing but not overly so and it was all just easy going. They all drank a bit but still not drunk or even tipsy yet. The patrons were all minding their own, though, Brian had received a few offers and numbers which he just playfully smirked at them. That had caused a little teasing from his friends saying he must be losing his touch if he hadn't been sampling the delicacies surrounding them.

Brian didn't care and just mysteriously said, "Maybe"

The roaring protestations from his friends had suddenly cut off by a voice on a mic saying he had something to say.

They saw a guy in his mid twenties with an electric guitar strapped on his shoulder trying to catch the patrons' attentions.

"Uh, I'm Terrence, I was asked by a friend to sing a song for someone. That someone is..." He looked around the place and settled his eyes on their table not particularly resting on one person. "...over that table." Pointing to them.

They were looking among themselves and Brian could hear Emmett's 'Who?.... Who is it?" as the guy, Terrence, strummed his guitar.

//It all came so easy, All the lovin' you gave me,  
The feelings we shared, And I still can remember, How your touch was so tender  
It told me you cared//

Emmett was hugging Justin squealing "oh my god, oh my god, this is totally for you, baby! I just know it! Oh my god! So sweet!"

Lindsay was shushing him and said to just listen because the guy actually had a great voice. 

//We had a once in a lifetime, But I just couldn't see, Until' it was gone, A second once in a lifetime, May be too much to ask, But I swear from now on//

He caught Jess' knowing eyes as she was reaching for her beer. She mouthed 'wow' to him before taking a swig from the bottle.

//If ever you're in my arms again, This time I'll love you much better, If ever you're in my arms again, This time I'll hold you forever, This time we'll never end//

It was Justin's eyes he was looking now and held the stare longer than he intended.

//Now I'm seen clearly, How I still need you near me, I still love you so, There's something between us, That won't ever leave us, There's no letting go//

Emmett was mimed fainting with his hands placed dramatically on his chest. 'Can't take any more from this.' He was rasping out.

Brian shook his head from his dramatics but it made him smile nevertheless.

//The best of romances, Deserve second chances, I'll get to you somehow, 'Cause I promise now//*

Emmett was on the guy even before he finished singing. He was grilling him for information and if the song was for Justin. But the guy just said that he was sworn to confidentiality and he wouldn't break that trust. He left the bar without saying anything to anyone.

Emmett sat on the table looking dejected. "I know it's for you, baby, I just can feel it."

"It can really be anyone. Even Mel or Lindz." Michael said throwing some peanuts in his mouth.

"Doubt it could just be anyone, I mean, Theodore? Blake, the guy isn't your friend, is he?" Brian said leaning his back on the chair looking at Blake who shook his head saying he had never seen the guy in his life before.

"Thank you, boss. You will always be my biggest fan."

"Well, it's really possible. A big possibility it was for Justin, I mean, you are kind of seeing someone, right? Is it serious now, Jus?" Eric asked Justin who just shrugged off his shoulders.

That kind of upset Brian a little. Justin still didn't want to tell their friends about them and Brian wasn't actually sure what's stopping his lover.

When they got home though, Justin thanked him for the 'unexpected but sweet surprise' and he did it by making love to Brian who gave Justin the total control he hadn't let anyone in so long.

On Friday morning, Brian woke up like he used to, to instinctively search the other side of the bed for his blond. He would always scoot over to collect him to his arms and enjoy the warmth radiated from Justin's body.

But that morning was different, his hand hadn't found anything except the pillow. He opened his eyes and saw he was alone in bed.

Sitting up, he tried to hear if he could tell where Justin was in the loft. But nothing. He stood up and padded to the bathroom to relieve himself then proceeded to the living room to see if he was there.

And he was. Justin was propped up on the arm of the sofa hugging the bathrobe to his body. He saw a bottle of pills on the table as he walked near him.

He must've had a headache the other night. He noticed the small notes on the table, too, and was so curious to know what was Justin writing on it. But before he could even contemplate on taking a peek on it, Justin moved and was slowly opening his eyes.

When he saw him, Justin sat abruptly and said that he didn't intend sleeping on the sofa. He said he had a little headache and just needed his medicine but eventually slept on it.

Brian told him he didn't mind but he would feel better if Justin woke him up the next time. Justin smiled and said he'd do that next time. Brian also asked him if he was still checking with his neurologist and Justin promised him that he still had his regular checked up.

Sunday evening came and Debbie's house was in full Christmas mode. The Christmas tree had been lightened up and the gifts were placed under it.

They were all laughing and joking while having the dinner with Vic donning a Santa hat on his head that made little JR happy.

When it was time to exchange gifts, Justin gave each one of them a charcoal sketch of themselves. The work was incredible and so detailed. It was obviously done in a great amount of time. Brian wondered when his boyfriend had the time to do all these sketches. He honestly hadn't seen him with sketch book except for a few occasions here and there.

"Justin, this is lovely!" Lindsay gushed about the drawings. "I hope you create more like this or even try your hands in painting. Have you tried it?"

Justin's smile had gone a notch down. He shook his head saying he didn't think he liked to paint.

"Have you all done this just recently?" Eric asked looking at his image in an awe.

"Yours and Blake, were done just this past few months. I have done the rest of it in six years." Justin said giving them all what seemed to be an apologetic smile.

It must've been his way of saying he was still thinking of them even when he was away.

Then it was Jess' time to give her gifts. Ted and Blake received a cute couple's shirts, a handbag for Lindsay, a very nice boxers brief for Eric, a gift certificates for a spa salon for both Vic and Deb, a black formal dress for Mel, a pair of shoes for Gus, cooking toy sets for JR, sweater for Michael, workout outfits for Emmett and a black duvet for Brian.

"Actually, those are from Justin and me. We hope you all like them." The guys nodded in unison saying it was a lovely gifts.

In returned, Jess received a numbers of make up kits, blouses, hair products and even a sexy undies. But what made everyone so speechless was Brian's gift. It was an aquamarine diamond earrings. Jess couldn't move a muscle and was looking at it for so long Justin had to shake her. Brian came to her and took the box from her hand. He put the earrings on her, then kissed her cheek.

When he glanced up at Justin, he was widely smiling at him.

Brian could feel his friends' stares and he knew a couple of them was dying to know what made him give Jess, the newest family member, a very expensive gift. He made sure to avoid Lindsay that night.

Then, Justin was receiving his gifts. A messenger bag from Em, shirts from Ted and Blake(they were all laughing because come on, they both received shirts from each other), a gift certificate from JR, Mel and Lindz for an art store, a nice jacket from Eric, 2 mugs from Michael, an alarm clock from Jess, eyeglasses from Vic, a glass angel figurine from Deb, a personal card from Gus and Brian gave him a single cowry bracelet with brown string.

"Wow, Brian, thank you." Justin said giving it to Jess to put it on his wrist. She did and they both inspected it like they could find a secret code written on it.

Honestly, the code was so clear because it was almost the same as Brian's bracelet that he always used since his college days.

Emmett was checking it too. "Where'd you buy this, Brian?"

"Bahamas" he simply said absentmindedly thumbing the duvet on his lap.

"When did you go to the Bahamas?" Michael asked a little suspiciously. Brian looked up at him.

"Last weekend."

Then almost everyone gave their thoughts about it and the night went on with usual banter and noises, but Brian and Justin couldn't help thinking that there were no other places they'd rather be than where they were at that moment.

They made love twice that night and whenever Brian thought about the packed bags that was on Justin's door he could feel his chest constricting a little bit. It was only for six days but Brian knew he would miss Justin like crazy.

They fucked again in the morning before they showered, then Brian drove the two blonds to the airport using Jess' car. He drove it back to their apartment and Brian cooped up in Justin's room that whole day and visited Gus in the evening.

Justin texted him when they arrived and called him at midnight to say good night.

Christmas Day was as usually loud and so festive around chez Novotney/Grassi. Gus was bouncing around the house and joyously showing each and everyone his 'super cool' gifts.

That was honestly the only thing that made him endure sitting around his friends' happy faces. He truly missed his boyfriend and Brian tried mightily not be so obvious.

As expected Lindsay was subtlety asking him about Jess. She said, she didn't know that they were closed because she hadn't really seen them two hangout. He told her that he liked Jess' personality and she was a cool chick. Brian knew Lindsay was feeling a little territorial and threatened by Jess' new place in his life.

When everyone was opening their gifts, he could clearly see she was a bit letdown with her present from Brian. He gave the two Lezzies a trip to Hawaii with five star hotel accommodation for three days.

At least Michael was over the moon with his vintage comic to be added to his collections.

Justin sent him a photo of him and his mom and Molly with Santa hats perched on their heads. It was so cute he didn't even realize he was grinning at his phone. Justin also sent a picture of their whole family, with Jess' parents and sister.

He wanted to be there with Justin so badly. He looked happy surrounded by his blood family and Brian couldn't find any reasons to begrudge Justin of his time with them.

He called Justin the next day and they talked for nearly an hour but the day following next Brian hadn't heard anything from his boyfriend. He texted him before sleeping though, telling Justin to call him if he got time the next day.

He got a text from Justin the next morning saying he went with Jess to visit some friends the other day and he'd be with his family for the whole day that day.

Then he texted Brian again after two minutes with: "Know that I will always love you, Brian."

He replied it with: "You've known it's always been you. Come home, Justin."

On Saturday, Brian called after dinner time and Justin answered after five rings. They talked for awhile but Brian felt Justin wasn't really focusing with their conversation. He sounded tired and somewhat distracted.

"Are you okay, Justin?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a long day, is all." Then a paused. "I missed you so much, Brian." He heard a hitch on Justin's voice and a heavy breathing after that.

Justin was crying?

"Justin? Hey, hey, baby, I'm here. I missed you, too. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I'll be at the airport. Please tell me you're okay?" Brian was feeling a bit panicky.

"Sorry, I'm such a twat." He heard him sniffed. "I'm okay, Brian. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll be at the airport waiting. You and Jess take care, okay?"

After Justin made sure he was really okay they hang up the phones but Brian was left feeling a bit unsettled. He didn't know why but his gut was like tied in a knot for some reason or another.

On Sunday morning, Brian was at the airport thirty minutes before the arrival of Justin's plane. When he saw him walking out the arrival section, dragging his suitcase behind him, Brian was mentally checking Justin's appearance.

He seemed to be a little tired physically, but apart from that, he looked good. Justin kissed him as he met them halfway and Brian even lifted him up from his toes. It was so like a chick flick movies, but hey, he didn't see his man for six fucking days.

Jess drove the car from the airport to the apartment and the couple seemed to be just as satisfied sitting huddled together at the back and Jess hadn't seen them again since they entered Justin's room until the breakfast the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *If ever you're in my arms again- Peabo Bryson


	7. For it's true, you are my destiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta, Jazzepoet, for her awesome work. She's really great.

Two weeks later, Brian was on his second latte and he was still feeling unsettled. There was just something gnawing in his gut, something that he couldn't explain. And try as he might, he couldn't really point out what and why he was feeling like this.

All he knew was that, since Justin came back from Ohio, there was something off about him. Jess seemed to scarce herself too. He tried talking to Justin, asking him if there was something wrong, but he always answered that he was fine. But something inside Brian was strongly telling him that Justin was far from being fine.

They were still sleeping together every night and their love making was just as passionate and hot as it ever had been. But he started to notice Justin was pulling away again from him publicly. He was bit more self-conscious about their movements and actions than he had ever been over the past month.

It puzzled Brian to no end and he couldn't help thinking that they were going one step forward three steps back again in their relationship. It was so frustrating, so disappointing, he was so saddened by it and it was hurting him. Brian was running out of reasons for this sudden 180. What could possibly have gone wrong? He couldn't honestly think of one specific thing that would lead them to this situations again.

Then three weeks later, Saturday during breakfast at the diner, Justin refused to even acknowledge his presence. He was talking to everyone except him. Brian tried to draw him in a conversation but Justin either just nodded or shook his head to answer him.

He was also taking too much time talking with Eric. He noticed Justin would always wind up sitting or chatting with Mr. Bruckner anywhere they were in one room.

After the breakfast, he went to hangout with Gus and finally went back to Justin's place at five that evening. When he arrived though, Justin was nowhere to be found and he got the chance to corner Jess alone.

"Where's my blond, Jessie girl?" He asked when he found her on the couch reading magazine. She stared at him for longer than she should probably have and shook her head.

"I don't know where he is exactly right now, Brian. We came here after the diner but he went out again a few minutes later saying he'd be back."

Brian nodded but held her gaze. "You'd tell me if you know there is anything I needed to know, right?"

Jess got this flash of sadness in her eyes but it went so fast Brian thought he might just misread it.

"Of course, Brian."

Brian nodded again, tried to take comfort in knowing that at least Jess would be honest with him. He stood and went to Justin's room, and in a moment he was asleep, tired from thinking of ways to fix whatever it was slowly ripping him and Justin apart.

He didn't know how long he had been sleeping but some time in the night, he felt Justin slowly laying down beside him. He rested his head on the juncture of Brian's neck and shoulder and was kissing his chin so softly.

"I will always love you, Brian." It was less than a whisper and Brian couldn't have heard it if he wasn't practically attached to Justin.

Brian was afraid to move. He was even afraid to open his eyes and find out it was just a dream. Well, he wanted to live in this dream with Justin, where only the two of them existed. He'd happily coop up here in Justin's room, in Justin's bed, holding each other. With Justin saying he will always, always love him.

He closed his eyes tightly as he felt Justin was already asleep. He was breathing heavily stopping any emotions from rebelling out. Why does it have to be this hard? He thought they were already on the brink of taking that final step, telling everyone that they were together. He really didn't know what went wrong. But he sure as hell would find out and fix it. He swore to god he'd be going to fix it.

Breakfast in the morning was excruciatingly painful. Jess ate like the devil was after her ass and Justin was trying and failing so hard to act like he wasn't aware of the elephant in the room sitting on the chair between him and Brian.

In the end, Brian couldn't take anymore of the tension and went to the loft.

At dinner, as expected, Brian was totally ignored by his boyfriend and he just let himself drown in Gus' incessant chatting of every super cool thing he somehow discovered. He glanced up at Justin every now and then and it irked him to see he was always talking to Eric every time his eyes landed on him.

He left Debbie's house a tad earlier than he used to and with everyone noticing his off mood, they didn't give him a hard time about it.

He drove around the city for hours and hours with his head was throbbing in pain. It was the least of his concerns though. Justin was slipping away like sand running through his fingers and he was incapable of stopping it- that was what he was most concerned about. And that's what was killing him, he didn't know how to stop this 'whatever' that was happening to them.

He could 'out' them to their friends and just said to 'hell with it', he knew he could always just do that. The problem was, he couldn't antagonize Justin especially when he was so vulnerable like this. Brian knew it wouldn't solve any of their conflicts, more so, it could potentially exacerbate the downfall of the already bad situation they were in.

He went to the loft so wiped out and so damn sleepy. It was already after one in the morning. He took his clothes off as soon as he entered the foyer and just threw his precious Armani shirt haphazardly on the floor.

When he was on the stair, he found Justin sleeping in his bed with Brian's pillow hugged to his chest. 

That did it to him. The fucking dam had finally broken.

He slid down the doorframe and sat on the floor with his head between his knees. He let the tears fall unheeded. He was breathing through his mouth desperately trying to pull air into his lungs.

After a while, he stood and continue to remove his remaining clothes. He sat on his side of the bed and looked down at the only man that he had ever loved sleeping so peacefully. He reached down to run the back of his hand on Justin's smooth cheek. 

He thought about the happy times they had, for almost nine years. Now everything seemed to be falling apart. No one made him feel like Justin did. He was even ready to take the final step with him and was planning on doing the grand gesture on his boyfriend's birthday next month. 

Given a chance, he'd still do it. He'd do it tonight if it meant Justin would open up about what was eating him inside. He'd do it in a heartbeat if it meant getting rid of the conflicts that they were experiencing right now. 

But sadly, real life didn't work that way. Even if it did, it would only do a temporary dressing to the wound. It wouldn't heal anything, and in the long run, you'd see the wound got so infected that you couldn't save anything anymore.

He didn't want that. He wanted to fix their problem from it's root. He wanted them to heal properly and to heal together. If Justin could just be honest and open up to him.

He ran his eyes slowly over the length of his sleeping boyfriend's body and thought of how much he loved him. His chest constricted with the thought of not having Justin in his life. He made a promise not to let go. To not let them go. He'd fight for it, they'd fight for it.

Justin was slowly stirring up, eyes sleepily opened and settled on Brian's. "Brian, hey, you're here."

He could sense a relief in Justin's voice. He reached out to catch Brian's hand that was still on his face and brought their joined hands to his lips. Justin was kissing his hand whispering, "I love you, Brian. Please know that I love you so much."

Brian was swallowing around the lump in his throat. "Then why are you pulling away from me?" He whispered back looking down in Justin's eyes that were already glassy by now.

"You--You won't understand, Brian. It's so-- I don't want you to-- please, just-- Brian..."

Justin was struggling and whatever was eating him up, was so hard for him to even say it coherently. "Just, make love to me, please."

Brian was so conflicted. He wanted to do so many things, ask so many things and he wanted it right now. He wanted to end this misery that was plaguing their relationship. But Brian wasn't even sure if he still had the energy to fight it out of Justin, his head was aching, his chest was constricting and he was so emotionally drained.

And so he succumbed to the calling of his heart. Coward as it may be, he just wanted to forget, just wanted to feel, to love.

He made love to his man that night. He let his every touch, every kiss, every look and every thrust speak of how much he loved Justin. He so desperately wanted Justin to feel it, to feel him.

The next day, Brian was a little busy reading the new contract from Brown Athletics when his phone vibrated on his desk. He disinterestedly glanced at it checking who sent him a message, and his eyes almost bugged out when he saw it was from Justin. He almost never get a text message from him this past month.

"Hey, Brian. Got a minute?"

"Of course. Anything for you."

"I was just asking if you are free tonight?"

Brian's chest was suddenly hammering. "I can be home around six."

"Okay. So, don't go to the loft. Come out with me for dinner."

"Are you asking me out on a date, Mr. Taylor?" Brian was smiling like a fool now.

"Yes. At our fave restaurant up in mount Washington? Say, at seven."

"Sure thing, but I must tell you though I have a boyfriend already. He is a hot, young blond, with blue eyes. And I love him."

"We just have to be discreet then."

"You don't expect me to put out, do you? Because I tell you I'm only fucking my blond."

"Well, I'm patient enough to wait for the second date. Maybe you'll ditch your blond by then."

"NEVER"

Justin didn't reply after that but Brian couldn't contain the happiness he felt at the thought going out with his man on a date that night.

When he arrived, Justin was already there and he didn't notice Brian's arrival because he was so deep in thought looking out of the ceiling to floor glass window of the restaurant. It had the most beatiful view of the Pittsburgh skyline.

It was a marvelous sight, so breathtaking actually and he knew Justin loved it. Justin perfectly knew that he loved it too. This was their place.

He gently put his hand on Justin's shoulder to let him know that he arrived. He was startled a bit but smiled up at him and kissed his lips.

He sat facing Justin and they ordered from their waiter and continued to just look out at the view.

"It is so beautiful, isn't it, Brian?" He asked with a trace of melancholy on his voice.

Brian looked at him for a while and crept his hand to hold Justin's. They stayed looking out at downtown Pittsburgh basking in the beauty of the city where they both grew up.

"So beautiful, full of lights, full of life..." Justin paused, then squeezing Brian's hand a little. "Full of love."

"Not everyone will have the opportunity to have all that, Brian. Not many will know how it feels to love, and to be loved."

Brian held Justin's eyes and said, "Luckily, we are amongst those who knows what it feels like."

The waiter came by then and served their meals. They both enjoyed their food and chatted about some places Brian thought they should go for their next vacation. Justin tried to participate and gave his opinions but Brian knew he wasn't really into it.

"Justin, are we okay?" Yeah, he needed to ask, he needed to know. Deep down he knew he need not to ask though because he knew they weren't okay. And god damn it, Brian didn't even have a clue why.

"Brian, please, not tonight?" He pleaded. "Please..." He nodded. It was always hard to say no to Justin.

Justin wanted to top him that night and Brian didn't even bat an eyelash. He let Justin make love to him with raw intensity. It was always a new experience for Brian every time he let go of his inhibitions and gave Justin total control.

They seemed to get a little better after that night and Justin wasn't so uptight and desolate all the time like he was the past month. He was still a little distant especially publicly but Brian thought it was already a start.

On Monday evening, a week from their dinner in mount Washington, he arrived home finding his blond busy preparing dinner. He was cooking what had became Brian's favorite to eat with Justin, Jambalaya.

Justin had a candle light dinner for him that night and they watched a James Dean movie called The Wild One. When the credits were rolling, Brian whispered in Justin's ear that he wanted Justin to make love to him. That earned him a wide grin from his boyfriend who pounced on him right on the sofa.

Before they closed their eyes to sleep, all blissfully sated, Justin said to Brian: "You can always have whatever you want. You can always have this. All you have to do is ask. Let yourself feel, Brian."

The next day, Justin texted him if they could eat lunch together. He replied with the details Cynthia had reserved for them at one pm.

They were eating in a very nice Italian restaurant and Brian was enjoying Justin's light mood. That was until he suddenly asked,

"What was your first impression with Eric?" Brian was kind of taken aback by the inquisition but he tried to squash it down.

"Eric?" Justin nodded, looking at him intensely like he was closely watching for his reaction. "Well, I thought he was Ben 2.0 before. I mean, I called him ZenRic the minute we met. But I know he is a genuine person."

"How did he get to work for you?"

"Ben. He approached me, that was almost a year before he and Michael got divorced. He told me he has a cousin from-Montana, Missouri-I forgot, and wanted to move here. He asked if I could interview him, to just see if I would want to hire him in my legal department. We met, he was intelligent, he passed my interview, we had an opening-he was hired."

Justin's stare was unnerving. He didn't know why Justin was asking about Eric in the middle of their lunch. He knew he shouldn't feel jealous but he couldn't help it. Justin was always sitting and talking to Eric in most of their Saturday breakfasts and Sunday dinners already. He would be the subject of their conversations now too?

He fucked Justin so hard that night. So hard that he hoped to erase any thoughts invading his boyfriend's consciousness that wasn't him. He wanted his name to be imprinted in every cells of Justin's body and mind.

On Saturday at the diner, Justin who was sitting(again) with his new bestie, was all smiles to everyone including Brian. Gus, who was sitting on Justin's other side, was enthusiastically telling him and Eric something that got both of their attentions.

He couldn't really hear what they had been discussing because the diner was buzzing with patrons and the loud noise Debbie was making was enough to wake the dead from the last century.

Then Justin was suddenly looking at him. "Hey, Brian, did you know Eric was a soccer player too? He played in high school just like you. Maybe you two can watch a match together when the season starts."

He nodded looking meaningfully at Justin. "Sure." Justin beamed at him in return then turned to continue his discussion with Eric and Gus.

Sunday night after dinner, they all went to Babylon to dance and drink the night away. They drank a couple of shots, Emmett took Jess to dance, Blake and Ted followed, Michael was latching on his arm, Eric was asking Justin.

He swore he did like Eric. He had always liked him. The guy was nothing but a great friend and a loyal employee. But right now, Eric wasn't his favorite person.

They all hit the dance floor and after a while, to his surprise, Justin and Eric joined him and Michael. But not long after, Justin was dragging Michael's arm asking him to come with him to the bathroom. Michael was resisting and so Brian jumped for the opportunity.

"I'll come with you, Justin." He said ready to take Justin's hand. But then, Michael was now the one dragging Justin's arm away from him saying that it was okay. He'd just go with the blond.

He gritted his teeth but tried to dance with Eric. And Eric, who was already tipsy, was dancing joyously with him.

Justin and Michael didn't come back after that and he learned when he got away from Eric and found Ted and Michael at the bar that Justin had already left.

He took a shot of whiskey and told the guys he'd hit the sack too.

He found Justin in front of the TV when he got to the loft and he went to kiss him. The kissed deepening after a while and they both were clawing their clothes off of each other and fucked senselessly on the sofa.

Two days after, it was Tuesday morning, Brian was reviewing his notes for his presentation in an hour with a yoghurt company when Justin texted him.

He said he'd meet Brian for lunch at the place near Kinnetik called Bennie's. He said he'd be there at 12:45. The presentation was ten o'clock and it should be done before twelve, even way before that, so he agreed.

When he arrived though, Justin still hadn't arrived yet. He seated and perused the menus as he waited for his tardy boyfriend.

After less than ten minutes, he saw Justin coming in with none other than Mr. Eric Bruckner. What the fuck?

He saw Justin pointing him to Eric and Eric seemed surprise seeing him there. They walked up to him and Eric was smiling all the way to his table.

"Brian, I didn't know you're having lunch in this place, too. I usually come here if I don't like to go to the diner, you know. Oh, and look who I found outside? Justin is here for lunch, too." Eric said conversationally sitting at Brian's table even without an invite.

Justin followed to sit and he was kind of indifferent. Saying his tepid "Hi, Brian." and roamed his eyes around the place. Brian passed him an extra menu and left Eric to cater for himself. The waiter approached their table and Eric was starting to give his order.

When Justin was just about to order, his phone rang, it was Emmett. All of a sudden, in just a blink of an eye, Justin was standing saying Emmett needed him at that moment and he needed to go.

Brian wanted to refuse to let him go. He wanted to smack the table and stomp his feet on the ground just to let Justin know he wouldn't allow him to just leave him there.

He didn't dare act like an immature brat though but he tried to reason with Justin.

"Hey, it's lunch break, what could Emmett possibly need that can't wait for at least an hour tops? You're already here." Brian was saying but his eyes were speaking another language.

"I'm sorry, Brian, but I really need to go. It's about the Robinson's Corp. office party this afternoon. Emmet said, it was just an emergency-- about some food--I need to be there. Sorry." Justin looked at Eric smiling a bit. "You two enjoy the meal, okay?"

Eric nodded waving a little to him while Brian was fuming inside, nevertheless, smiled at him. Justin left as Brian followed his every move with his eyes until he was out the restaurant's door.

"--it's really good here, Brian. If I'd known you eat here a lot, we can have our lunch here more often."

"Nah, this was my first time. The verdicts still out on if I'm going to be back again." Brian answered a little irritated.

It wasn't really a bad meal, it was passable, or maybe it was just because he lost his appetite after Justin left. Eric wasn't a bad lunch buddy either. Along with Ted, they usually go to have lunch at the diner and enjoyed those little break time.

But this was supposed to be his and Justin's lunch time but instead he was here with Eric.

After his meeting at three pm, he texted Justin asking about the party disaster.

"So, did you and Emmett's fairy dust work?"

"Yeah, Emmett was about to lose it. But it's okay now. We're already here. So, how was your lunch with Eric?"

"It was okay. Can we go have dinner tonight?"

"Okay. Just text me the details."

They met at a nice steakhouse in downtown Pittsburgh that night and as usual Justin was a little distracted.

"Something's wrong with your steak?" Brian asked eyeing him.

"Oh, no. The steak is great. How's yours?"

"Perfect."

"You know, you should go out more with your friends. Lunches, dinners, maybe some out of town adventures or just hangout at your loft. Eric can be a real good companion and--"

"Justin, I see my friends just fine. We see them on Saturdays, Sundays at Debbie's and sometimes in Woody's and Babylon. I see Ted and Eric everyday, but they have their own lives as we do have our own. I don't need more time with them."

On Thursday evening, Justin called Brian that he had something to do for awhile but he'd be at the loft around ten.

When he arrived then, Justin wasn't so forthcoming about what he was so busy doing. He just told Brian he'd helped a friend with something.

The next day, he texted Justin to have lunch with him, but he declined saying they were so busy preparing for another kiddy party. 

At lunchtime though, Eric came to his office bringing a packed lunches.

"Bri, hey, uh, are you going out for lunch?"

"No. But I guess, you aren't either. You packed your lunch? That is so middle school, Bruckner." He teased and Eric sat on the sofa putting his 'lunch' on the coffee table.

"Well, yeah." He chortled scratching his head. "I hope it's okay with you, but I packed one for you too. You just have to try this. I learned to cook this last night."

Brian snorted. "That was just so housewife-y." Well, he didn't want to go out and he was a little hungry and so he shrugged his shoulders and stood to walk over to the sofa.

Eric was taking the container out and passed one to Brian who sat on the other side of the sofa.

When Brian opened the container, he was so confounded by the food he saw in it. He looked up sharply at Eric who was watching his reaction getting a little perplexed.

"Who taught you this?" Brian thought he could be overreacting here but he wasn't liking this at all.

"It was-- Brian, it's okay if you don't like it. I just thought you would. I heard it was one of your favorites."

Brian took a deep breath still looking at Eric unwaveringly but he toned his irritation down a bit. "Yes. You are right. It's one of my favorites. So, who told you that?"

"Justin. I was in his apartment last night. He invited me, actually, saying he wanted me to taste something and if I wanted to learn how to cook it. Then he mentioned that it was one of your favorite and it was best to eat after a day or so."

Brian's head was spinning and he put the container down standing to get to his desk.

Eric was watching Brian and he felt when his mood had shifted. "Uh, I think, I should just go. I'm really sorry, Brian. I just thought you'd like it. I didn't mean anything by this, I swear." Eric said apologetically.

Brian was nodding his head. "I know, Eric."

Eric left with the packed lunch looking perplexed and Brian was so befuddled himself about what was happening.

What was going on with Justin?

He left the office just after two pm and drove around the city. After a while, he went to the diner and ate a late lunch or it could be an early dinner.

Then he went to Woody's to get a few drinks, he always thought he did his best thinking when he was with the company of Jack and Jim.

So, Justin apparently didn't like Eric for himself. It almost seemed to be like, he was throwing Eric to Brian which he couldn't even fathom why. Everything the past few weeks had come back to him in new a perspective. 

The sudden interest of Justin with Eric, the subtle inquiries to know how Brian perceived Eric, the insinuations that they were good together, look good together, listing to him their same qualities. Telling him they should go out more, that Eric was a good conversationalist.

Did he even plan and intentionally left that day at lunch to let them eat alone? Or that night in Babylon when he left him on the dance floor with Eric and went home?

Now, he was showing Eric how to make his Jambalaya, telling him that was Brian's favorite. What else was he going to share? How Brian wanted to fuck face to face or that Brian wanted to be fucked face to face?

Was Justin doing this because he couldn't or didn't want to commit to Brian? Did he not want to be with him anymore? What could possibly be the reason Justin would want to hurt him like this?

What had happened in Ohio? This all started when Justin came back from his Christmas break. Everything they worked hard for all went south and every positive step they had taken had been for naught. It spiraled downward from there and now they were barely treading the water and Brian was starting to feel like he was already drowning.

He went home after two am and Brian was so drunk he slept beside Justin with his clothes on.

It was an awkward morning but Brian still got into shower with Justin and fucked him against the glass wall. He kissed him so fervently and torridly.

He was somber all throughout breakfast and went to muncherville to be with his son. They played his new Xbox he'd received for Christmas from his uncle Ted and Blake.

He didn't go home after instead he went to the high end boutique to purchase a new gift for his boyfriend's birthday the next day. They will be celebrating at Debbie's. 

He was feeling desolate as he was palming the suppose 'gift' that he had in his pocket. He wanted nothing more than to put it on Justin, to put it on them, binding them together.

In the end, he found an indigo cashmere-silk sweater from Ralph Lauren and thought it would be perfect for Justin.

He arrived home and Justin was nowhere to be found. Brian was about to go to Justin's when he found the note stuck on his counter. It said he was going with the guys to Babylon.

Brian contemplated if he wanted to go but he really didn't want to party right now. He removed his clothes instead and hopped into shower.

It was only a few minutes after midnight when he heard the door slide and Justin padded to his bedroom. He didn't move but his eyes were opened and Justin stared at him from the foot of the bed looking him straight in the eyes.

He proceeded to remove his shirt, his pants and briefs, then crawled on the bed to Brian without taking their eyes off of each other.

"Hey, you didn't come." He whispered propping his head on his hand still looking at him.

"Didn't feel like it." He whispered back.

"It's already my birthday, Brian. I want to spend this night with you. You and me, in this place where it all began--I want us to remember this always and always. I want all the memories to live within you, within me. I want us happy, Brian. I want you happy, that is my greatest wish. Please remember that always. I'd do anything for you, Brian."

Brian's chest was ripping apart. Why he was talking to him like this? Was Justin saying goodbye? Was he finally letting go?

"26..." Justin forlornly said. "Only 26... Not even 62 ... I'd take 46, even 36. Heck, I'd give a limb for that big 3-0." So, Justin wanted to get old fast. Okay.

"Are you drunk, how much did you drink, Justin?" His voice was a little gruff.

"No, I only had one beer." He said solemnly. "I want to be sober for this."

Brian closed his eyes and asked god for some strength. "For what?"

"I want to make love to you, Brian. Then, I want you to make love to me. Then do it again and again, until you can't get it up."

Brian was looking into Justin's glassy eyes. He didn't want to think what this all could mean. He refused to think about anything at this point. But he's sure as hell wouldn't let this man go without a fight.

No words needed after that and just as promised, Justin fiercely made love to Brian. He spent time exploring his man's sculpted like body and made sure to kiss, nip, lick and suck on every inch of skin and crevice he could find. Brian was in pure heaven and he couldn't feel anything other than this unadulterated bliss Justin was giving him.

After they came, it only took them few minutes to heat up again and this time Brian showed Justin how much he loved him. Justin was thrashing and begging but Brian didn't stop until he was completely satisfied that he didn't miss any spot on Justin's body, then pounded into him mercilessly until they came together.

They slept after that vigorous love making holding each other so tightly. Brian woke up after few hours with a hot, wet, mouth on his already hard leaking cock and without any preamble Justin sank down on his dick and rode it like no other man could.

He woke up Justin in the morning, well, it wasn't really morning, it was almost noon, and fucked him on all fours.

They went to their favorite restaurant in Mount Washington to get lunch and strolled a little around it to see the grand view of downtown Pittsburgh in broad daylight. It was a great picturesque view that they both came to love so much.

They went back to prepare for the birthday bash and Justin was insisting for Brian to drive him to his apartment and he'd ride with Jess. Brian refused and drove them instead to Debbie's house directly.

Justin was silent the whole ride and jumped out of the car as soon as Brian parked on the curb. He took the gift he had on the back seat and followed his annoyed boyfriend to the house.

"--you and Brian ride together?" Brian heard Michael asking Justin who was taking his jacket on the foyer.

Before Justin could answer though Brian did the deeds for him. "Yes, we did. Any problem with that, Mikey?"

Michael was slightly looking contrite and murmured, "Oh, no, none at all."

He nodded and took his jacket off placing his gift on the table with already had a few gifts on it.

When they sat for dinner he made sure he'd be seated next to Justin then scooting it slightly to close the small gap. He then took his boyfriend's hand to his lap and twined it.

Brian actually wasn't really paying attention and was enjoying the suppleness of Justin's hand when something seeped to his consciousness.

"--I'll definitely try it, Jus. I don't know why I still haven't gone there." Eric said in an awe. Brian wondered what made Mr. Bruckner salivate when he was already in front of truckloads of food.

Justin leaned slightly sideways to Eric, who by the way, sat on Justin's other side, as if to share to him some secrets.

"Brian, loved that place, he's always there. You two can actually dine together some time. The view at night is just marvelous as the place is perched on the hilltop."

Brian's blood had frozen up. He couldn't believe what he just heard. This was getting ridiculous and Brian would put a stop on it, right now.

He abruptly stood up bringing their twined hands visible to everyone. He heard a gasp from Emmett and Justin later realized what was happening tried to yank his hand from Brian's hold.

"--Brian, let my hand go!" He was gritting his teeth looking up but Brian wasn't budging.

"This has got to stop right now, Justin. We need to talk, we need to settle this, right here, right now. I can't take this anymore." 

Brian was on the verge of losing it. He didn't care though. What he wanted was for them to talk and they would talk right now. He didn't care if everyone was listening, they could eavesdrop as much as they would like, he didn't care at all.

"Brian, can't we just do this afterwards? Plea--"

"No, this will be settled now or I'll go insane." Brian was almost whispering. Emmett was murmuring, 'oh my god'.

"Jess, hold them all here. Please." Jess was nodding and looked at her cousin with so much desolation.

Everyone was so confounded they still hadn't really grasped on what they just saw. They all followed with their eyes as Brian pulled Justin to stand and walked them to the living room.

The house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The people in the dining room couldn't see them but the house was open and small enough to hear every word.

"Brian, why are you doing this? Can't we just go home and--"

"Why, Justin? Why? What else do you want? I tried and still trying to be the best boyfriend, best partner for you. I don't know what I did, I don't know what happened in Ohio that when you came back you became distant. Is there-- is there someone else, Justin?" They both could hear a collective gasping from the dining room but it seemed so far away from their consciousness.

"God, Brian, no. I don't have someone else, I don't want anyone else."

"Then why?"

"Brian-- you won't understand--"

"You always say that. You've been saying that since after Christmas. Of course, I won't understand because you won't let me understand. Give me that chance, at least, Justin. I don't know what to do anymore." He paused.

"I understand the hiding, you still have reservations about us, after what I did before-- I understand and I gave you time to come to terms with our relationship. I want your trust again and so I didn't push you and just patiently waited. But in these past couple of months, I thought we already made steps, leaps, actually, Justin. Please tell me what happened, what I did wrong? .....what else do you want me to do?" The last one was said in such a painful way that he couldn't even say it more than a whisper.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Brian. Please don't think that you have. I swear, you didn't do anything wrong." Justin's voice was shaky.

"Then, what is it? I don't understand, please let me understand."

"Brian, please..." Justin was crying now.

"Am I not enough for you, Justin? Don't you love me enough to fully commit to me? Am I so hard to love-- is it really hard for you to just love me and show everyone that you do?" Brian's resolve was beginning to crack as tears began to run down his face. He wiped them immediately.

"You are more than enough, Brian! You know that. I've loved you since I was seventeen and that will never change. It's not a hardship to love you, it came as easy as breathing to me. Believe me, Brian, please."

"Is it still because of what happened before? I was an asshole, Justin, I know that. But it was a long time ago and now I have been trying to be the best I can, so that you can trust me again, so you can forgive me."

"Brian, please, this has nothing to do with it. I trust you and I forgave you already, just like how you have forgiven me and accepted me back again."

"Then stop throwing someone at me. Stop this secrecy and tell me what is going on! And don't tell me that there isn't anything going on because there is, Justin. It's been hanging over our heads since you came back from Ohio."

There was a pregnant silence and Brian thought his heart would explode inside his ribcage from racing so hard.

"I told you not to fall for me again, Brian. I told you that. You should have listened."

"Well, tough shit, Justin, I was already in love with you for so long." They heard Brian take a deep breath. "I couldn't stop it if I tried. It's always been you, you know that."

"God! I am so selfish!" Justin was sobbing. "I am a god damn selfish for coming back here and thinking that I could just disrupt all your lives again and-- oh my god!"

"Hey, hey, baby. I'm glad you came back--"

"No, Brian! I shouldn't. I shouldn't have come back when I know I couldn’t be with you."

"Wha-- who told you we can't be together? We are together. Fuck, we are practically living together, sleeping in one bed every single night!"

"I can't be with you, Brian. When I came from Ohio, I realized that I lost track of what I should be doing, of what I should have done. It's just that... I just love you so much that I forgot that I can't be with you- that we can't be together.

"I was thrilled and over the moon when I saw you become the man that I dreamt nine years ago. I was literally in heaven that even my last defense had crumbled down. I saw how happy you are, how happy we'd become. You finally let me in, Brian. You let me in and more. You let me love you, you've done things that I thought I could only have in a dream before. You don't know how deliriously happy that makes me hearing you say you love me, being with you every single night.

"I love seeing you that way. Your smile, your eyes, it spoke volumes and I don't want you to lose it. You already know how it feels to be in love and to be loved in return and I want you to continue doing it. If not with me, there is someone else out there who can be with you and love you. I just want you to be happy, Brian.

"I don't want to hurt you. And I know I am hurting you and I'm so, so, so sorry for it."

"Justin, I still don't understand. If you are afraid that I'm going to hurt you like before, please, believe me, I am trying my best to be a good partner to you. I want to be with you, I want us to be together."

"You are already the best partner one could ever hope for, Brian. I couldn't ask for more."

"Then be with me, stay with me, I'm ready, Justin. I'm ready to be with you." Brian was fishing the platinum bands out of his pants and laid it on the coffee table. "Be with me, Justin. Be with me forever. Marry me."

Justin's sobbing was audible to everyone. There seemed to have been a ruckus among their friends but Brian couldn't care less. "Oh my god..." Justin was whispering in happiness mixed with desolation at the same time. "Oh my god..."

"Brian, god, you know how much I want to marry you... Oh my god... This isn't real."

"This is real. We can be legally married. Just say yes."

"I'd marry you in a heartbeat, Brian, I would. If I could..." He was weeping so hard everyone who was listening could feel the pain in every catch of his breath. "But I can't..."

"Stop fighting us, Justin! Stop hiding, and stop running away from us. I don't know why you think that we can't be together. I don't know what's stopping you from being with me, even from marrying me, but for god sake, just tell me, Justin. Just tell me for once and for all. Don't you think I deser--"

"I'm dying, Brian..."

Brian knew there were some kind of breakdown happening in the dining room but he couldn't start to even think of what he just heard from Justin.

His mind was in mental shock and seized to grasp anything except for the word 'dying'.

He was looking at Justin daring him to tell him he was only joking. "You're joking."

Justin was blotchy from crying and was wiping his nose on his sleeve. He shook his head and was crying again.

Brian was frozen for a moment but then stood up and collected his boyfriend to his arms and was hugging him so tightly. "Oh, god, Justin... " 

They both got strength from one another and Justin stayed on Brian's arms. "What is it?" He finally asked, still not letting Justin go.

"Brain cancer." It was Brian's turned to whimper locking his face to Justin's neck. He couldn't believe this, how could this happen to Justin? Why was this happening to them?

He couldn't breath, he couldn't think, he didn't want to think. This couldn't be true.

He stood up taking Justin to stand on his feet, too. "Let's go home. We'll talk there." Reaching out to wipe his boyfriend's wet face with the palm of his hands.

Justin nodded his head. "The gang--"

"We'll call them whenever you're ready, okay?"

They could hear a little protestations from the dining room, but immediately died down in a matter of seconds. Brian took the rings on the table and pocketed it, wrapping his arm on Justin's shoulder.

They walk out of the living room and immediately saw all their family still sitting like a statue at the dinner table but most of them were crying, some had just been shocked.

He looked at Debbie, who seemed to look like she was going to lunge on them. "We'll call you, Deb. Justin will sit with you all, just give him time, okay?"

When Debbie nodded, Brian guided his boyfriend to the door and to the car to drive home.

They were in bed, snuggled together, not talking but just feeling each other's presence.

After a while, Brian broke the silence and said with conviction, "We are going to check who's the best doctor there is. We will go to them, find them. We will fight this, Justin. I need you to fight this."

"This is the reason I don't want to tell anyone. I don't-- there's really nothing they can do. They had done it before and it still came back. I don't want you suffering with me, Brian."

"Don't say that. Don't you ever say that. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, with you. You and me. We'd do this together."

Justin was silent, contemplating.

"Tell me what happened. When did it start?"

"Before we broke up, the last couple of months, I started to have headaches. I really didn't mind it, thinking it was just my migraine acting up. But then I blacked out for almost ten minutes while walking to a cafe near PIFA. I thought it was just hunger or from tiredness. When I was with Ethan, the headaches intensified and was almost everyday to the point I was out of school half the time.

"When I broke up with Ethan, I moved in with my mom. I never got to tell her, what with all her problems with my father. I didn't want to add to her miseries but I just knew there was something terribly wrong inside my head. But then I passed out again while eating dinner and had seizure in the ambulance. I was diagnosed with a scar tissue on the site where I got bashed. The doctors said I needed an extensive operation but I didn’t have insurance, my dad refused to help, and my mom was broke. We decided to ask my uncle for help and he told us there were many great doctors in Cleveland and that's when we moved there."

"Justin, you know you could have--"

"No, Brian. I couldn't. We were not together and I just cheated and left you for some man."

"You can always come to me, Justin. Together or not, doesn't matter." Then he motioned for the young man to continue.

"They opened my head and had a good prognosis. But then after two years, headaches came back again, this time with severe nausea and vomiting, little paralysis on my hand and I began to be forgetful. The MRI said there was a tumor and they needed to open me up again, they did, it was stage 2 Brain cancer. I had chemo and radiation for eight weeks and after that I was on remission... For three years. Over a year ago, they said it came back, and it came back with vengeance, stage 3. My memory was affected and I had been forgetting bits of information here and there. Hence the notes I've always had with me. I write anything I can that I do all day and read it to remember or remind myself of any activities.

"They wanted to open me up again and removed the cancer, the success rate of the operation for metastasis patients are 60% chances, but because of where the tumor is, it will affect my memories. It will wipe out more than half of my life. I will not remember anything, possibly since I was ten years old. And I can't, Brian. I could be one of those 60% to survive but I would be empty. I'd rather not do the operation if that means I can still remember all of you, remember you and all our memories until the day I die. That is all I have, Brian."

Brian was kissing his head but kept his silence. He actually didn't know what to say. He felt like being thrown into quicksand, helpless to crawl out of it. The fear and despair were palpable as second by agonizing second you realized you were sinking down.

"Then my uncle's friend has a friend, a doctor who is working for extensive clinical and scientific research laboratories in Akron and they have this new advanced immunotherapy studies undergoing for brain cancer patients. He told us the experimental study have a less than 50% success rate. But the catch is, those 50% didn't lose any memories. That's what made me agree to do it."

"Less than 50%... Justin..." Brian sat up straight dislodging Justin from his chest looking him straight in the eyes. "It is an experimental procedures, Justin. Experiment, they'd turn you into a lab rat-- Justin, listen to me. We can go abroad, Germany, or even in Asia, they have many experts out there--."

"Brian, I'm terminally ill." Brian moved to the edge of the bed and put his feet on the floor his head on his hands shaking it left and right. He didn't want to hear about this anymore. It was just too painful.

"I can have the operations my doctor back in Cleveland had suggested with 60% success. But 70% of that 60% had the cancer back within a year or two and they mostly spend that time in the hospital until their bodies just couldn't take it anymore. It was not even a life, it was only prolonging your pain. I don't want that for me. The experimental program has a little success, but the outcome of those who survived are more promising to me at least."

Brian looked contemplative but the desolation and agony in his eyes were too much for Justin to look at.

"The doctors in Akron Laboratories put me on a number of pills to strengthen my immune system. It was like readying my body before they go inside my head again. The headaches and nausea have declined exponentially and my hand got better and I hadn't had a seizure in a year now. That's the reason I don't drive. The MRI I had after Christmas shows that I am ready to have the procedure in March."

"If you agreed to have it done a year ago, why not do it then? Why do you have to wait this long, Justin?"

"For me to have the procedures, they needed a certain diameter of the tumor. Basically, they need it to grow to a certain size to fully take it out. The time they had me checked over a year ago, I need a year for it to reach the size. That was when I decided to spend the year here in Pittsburgh. I want to see you all. I want to at least apologize and maybe, just maybe, you'd give me a chance to spend a few nights with me. I'd be willing even if it's only once. If not, being a friend would be more than enough. I just want to be around you, Brian. Even for just the few months remaining in my life.

"I was so sure before coming back that you'd never waste your time on me again. That's why that first night we had, I couldn't even believe it myself. But then, I knew I shouldn't let you get attached to me. It wouldn't be fair to you. I don't want to put you in that position, Brian. I love you too much to let you suffer. 

"But, I also want you to stay happy. For you to be always like this, letting people see the real you. Letting yourself love and be loved. I want you to continue doing that even without me. And I'm sorry if I tried to hook you up with Eric, but I find him to be a genuine person, Brian. And I thought that you two can be happy together, like we are happy together. I'm so sorry. I just want you happy."

Brian turned to reach Justin's shoulders and drew him in for a hug. They held each other tightly then Brian leaned in to his ear, whispering, "If you want to make me happy, Justin, say yes. Say you'll marry me."

Justin stiffened for few seconds then let out a wrack of sobs on Brian's neck.

"I don't even know if I'm going to make it, Brian. I'm going to Akron in three weeks and..." He whimpered, "I don't know if I'm going to see you again." It was said in a whisper and every word was like a spear hitting him straight in his chest.

"Justin... Stop..." Brian's tears were flowing freely now. He shut his eyes down in an attempt to squash it away but he failed as it continue to roll down his face onto Justin's hair. "Stop it. You're going to make it. Listen to me..."

He held Justin's face in his hands tilting it up slightly to catch his eyes in his. "You are going to get out of that place, well and healed. I'm going to be there with you in every step of the way. We are going to live a very long, healthy and happy life together. You hear that?"

Justin was just sobbing but didn't gesture anything or say anything.

"I said, do you hear me? We'll be Mr. And Mr. Kinney having our 50th wedding anniversary in 50 years. Just like your clients. I'll be 87, I don't care. We still going to be fucking like two old, horny, queen bunnies on viagra on every flat surface. Justin, I need you to believe we can do this. Please..."

"Please..." Brian was begging and Justin wanted nothing more than to promise Brian that he'd make it. But he couldn't promise something like that.

"I promise to try, Brian. I promise to try."

They stayed holding each other for what seemed like a long time. Brian was running his hand softly on the length of Justin's arm. Both were emotionally drained and seemed to be getting strength from each other's touch.

"I want it here in the loft, Brian. I want to do it here where it all began."

Brian, understanding what was being said, nodded his head and kissed Justin's temple. Amidst the turmoil they were in, this one was certainly uplifting. "We'll do it next Sunday. I'll make sure Emmett will arrange for everything we need." Brian said, a trace of merriment could be heard in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, let me all thank you for the support and feedbacks. I really, really, appreciate it.  
>    
> Next, the Akron laboratory and the procedure were all made up by me. I'm sure there are numerous scientific experimental procedures for cancers around the world but I'm not sure if there were any in Akron, though.  
>    
> Lastly, I would like to apologize to everyone for not writing a warning since the beginning of the story. Yes, I should have warned you all that this has a Major Characters death and minor characters death.   
>    
> I know it was a selfish moved on my part for not having an appropriate warning, regardless of the reasons that I have. I thought I don't want to spoil the story much but have forgotten that warning was there for a reason.  
>    
> For that, I'm really, really, sorry to all of you.   
>    
> I hope that you will all still continue reading until the end. Have a nice day, everyone:)  
>    
> Nadine


	8. You're my dream come true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to my wonderful beta, Jazzepoet. She's so awesome.

The next thing he knew, it was already morning. Justin was still sleeping sprawled on top of Brian. Justin's face was stuck on his neck and his breath was ghosting all over it tickling him a bit.

He ran his hand on his husband-to-be's naked, smooth, creamy back, caressing it down to the curve of his luscious bottom.

Justin moaned at the sweet sensation he was feeling even in his sleep and Brian continued to knead the two globes with his hands. The moan became more frantic as he grounded his erection against Justin's half hard cock. His one hand lowered to his crack and ran his finger through it several times.

When Justin started to nip on his neck and ground his cock into him, he inserted one finger in his hole and elicited a delicious gasp from his blond.

Justin was kissing his neck, licking and moaning against it, running his tongue to his chin and up to his mouth locking it with his.

They kissed intensely and heatedly until Brian let out an animalistic growl flipping Justin on his back and proceeded to run his tongue and hands on every inch of his skin.

When Justin was thrashing and fisting Brian's hair harder, he donned himself a condom and lifted Justin's legs to his shoulders and rammed his aching cock to his pulsing hole.

They rocked together frantically and Brian was leaning down to kiss his man who was moaning his pleasure to his mouth. "Oh, god, Brian..... Oh, god!"

Brian held on to Justin's neck to get some leverage and was plowing in and out as hard as he could. They were both incoherent and dazed from extreme pleasure of their intense coupling, until they couldn't hold it anymore shouting their orgasms in to each other's mouth.

They were both breathing hard for few minutes, and when their chests stopped heaving, Brian asked Justin if he wanted to get breakfast?

Brian called Cynthia to tell her he wasn't going to the office that day. Then called Emmett to meet them at the loft anytime he'd be available in the afternoon.

They went to a little cafe near the loft and had their breakfast of bagels and muffins.

"Can your family back in Ohio attend the wedding? We can book them in a hotel downtown and fly them here whenever they can." Brian asked sipping his second coffee.

"It's a bit last minute, but I'm sure they'll make time for it. God, my mother. She'll be in hysterics." He chortled while spreading cream to his bagel. "I'll call her when we get home. Oh, I need to call Jess, too. She must be beside herself by now."

Brian nodded in agreement then reached to run his fingers through Justin's hair and pulled his head to him and kissed his lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Brian." He smiled and then it suddenly hit him, his eyes became big as a saucer.

"What?" Brian asked looking at his blond's deer in headlights expression.

"Holy shit, Brian, we are getting married!" He said it like he couldn't believe it. Brian nodded his head and fished out the rings in his pocket and put it in Justin's palm.

"Yes, we are. We have to decide where to go for the honeymoon, though. I think, Italy is the best. We can stay for a week, 2 days in Venice, 2 days in Florence then Rome. But if you want Paris or another place, we can-- Justin, baby, hey, are you okay?" Justin was sitting frozenly still gaping at Brian.

"Ye-yeah. Holy shit! We are getting married!" He dumbly said again and Brian chuckled lightly.

"We established that last night. We need to talk to Emmett."

Justin nodded, still in awe. "Italy is fine. But I'd rather go there and stay for two weeks at least. There's so much to visit in Italy, art museums, and oh, Tuscany! I want to go there. Maybe in our first year anniversary?" 

He looked at Brian with sheer determination and Brian's chest was racing. It was the first time he heard him this optimistic and he nodded his head then asked Justin where they should go for their honeymoon.

"Santorini"

"Greece, that's great. Yeah, okay. Santorini, then. I'll let Cynthia know as soon as possible."

Justin was smiling blindly after that and when they were back at the loft, Justin called his mom and told her of his incoming nuptial. She cried and promised him that they would all be coming to Pittsburgh to attend.

Brian called Cynthia and told her that she should be sitting down for his news. She scoffed and told him after working for Brian for 12 years, nothing could shake her anymore. But then she had gone speechless after hearing that Brian was getting married to Justin in a week. After getting her wits back, they talked for a while arranging his schedules and gave her his traveling plans. Lastly, inviting her to attend and promising to give her details when it would be finalized.

Then Emmett arrived and his eyes began to mist but Justin hugged him and told him to hold the tears. After a few exchanges of pleasantries and making sure to Emmett that they would all talk at Debbie's in few days, they started to plan the wedding.

It would only be a simple celebration. They wanted to only have a refreshments and finger foods in the loft. Some decorations and small cake. They wouldn't want Emmett to be working while the wedding was on, they wanted him to be a guest. Emmett put his hands on his heart, so touch by his friends declarations.

They all decided that Emmett would select a first class restaurant for them to have dinner after the ceremony at the loft. Justin had one request though.

"I want golden gardenias around the loft, Em. And one centerpiece at the dinner table."

Emmett wrote the requested flower and gave them the procedures of filing for their marriage license, leaving the wardrobe for them to choose in their favorite boutique.

When Emmett was gone, Brian called Debbie, asking her if she could invite the family for dinner the next night. Debbie was in agreement and was about to start her inquisition when Brian told her they would all hear from Justin the next night.

Lastly, they called Jess and as Justin predicted she was beside herself worrying. Justin asked her to come to the loft to have dinner with him and Brian that evening and she enthusiastically accepted.

The next evening at Debbie's, everyone was already there when they arrived and one by one they piled to hug Justin. He welcomed it wholeheartedly and apologized to them for not being so open about his condition.

The gang seemed to understand, and while Debbie was so emotional she couldn't stop her tears from flowing, they mostly took the news with compassion and understanding.

Most of them were enthusiastic about the wedding, too. Though there were a couple of them who were skeptical about it. No one voiced their opinions while they were having their meals, but Brian knew the night wouldn't end without someone trying to knock some sense into him.

After eating, he went to the back porch in an attempt to make whoever wanted to let him know their unwarranted opinions, about his 'hasty' decision, be easy on them. Why wait, yeah?

Within minutes, he heard the footsteps toward him. When it stopped and saw a figure on his side, he took the chance to talk first.

"You think that I'm not thinking clearly, that I'm just doing it because he's sick, and that I'll regret it sooner or later after I realized I did the last thing that I told myself that I would never ever do." He glanced at the figure while taking the last hit on his cigarette then tossing it to the ground. 

"Well, let me tell you this, I'm not going to justify anything to any of you. We will decide what we want to do with our lives. It is between me and Justin. If we'd make mistakes, and we will, that is our problem to solve. I don't need approval from any of you. I let you all live your lives however you want to live it. I'd expect you all to do the same for me. If anyone has a problem with that, then I don't need you in my life."

He shifted to looked directly at the person on his side. He could see her gaping and shock expression on her face. It wasn't what she was expecting to hear from him. He didn't really care, they all could tell him how fucked his decisions were, it wouldn't change anything. 

He knew he decided to marry Justin even before he knew he was sick. He still wanted to marry him even when they were having problems. Justin's condition hadn't changed his mind a bit. Because the thing was, it was Justin who he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. Only Justin.

After speaking his mind to her, he turned to walk to the door, but he saw Michael standing a few feet away- mirroring Lindsay's expression. He looked at him sternly, daring him to say anything. When he didn't, he continue to walk to the door and in to the house.

When he came inside, Justin was opening his gifts from his birthday party two days before. He was giggling with Emmett and Blake about the shirts Debbie had given him.

His eyes twinkled when he saw Brian was coming. "Brian, come! See what Deb got for me." He showed him a light blue t-shirt with 'I Love Cock' written on it with a picture of a rooster on the mid section. 

He chuckled and nodded at Debbie. "I love the sweater you gave me, Brian." He was showing everyone what he received from him. Emmett was feeling the fabric and said, "It sure cost a mint."

Before going home, Justin asked Eric privately if he could come to the loft with him and Brian, and the young man gladly accepted. He followed the corvette to the loft and entered the foyer after Brian and Justin.

In almost three years living in Pittsburgh, Eric could only count on his fingers the time he came to Brian's place. Mostly, it was with Michael. The place still left him in awe.

"Take a seat, Eric. Uh, you want a beer or...." Justin asked him while walking to the kitchen. Brian went to his desk and sat in front of his computer.

Eric sat down and said, "Water is fine".

Justin came back within a minute with two bottles of water in one hand and one glass of whiskey in the other.

He gave Eric one bottle who smiled and thanked him, put the other bottle on the coffee table, then walked to Brian giving him the glass of whiskey. He looked up and took the glass smiling at Justin and reached to kiss his lips.

Eric was watching it with big eyes. He heard everything that Brian and Justin said last Sunday evening at Debbie's and he was really shocked by all of it. He didn't have an idea that Justin and Brian were a couple for almost a year now.

Well, even the rest of the gang seemed to have no idea that the two were together this time around, either.

By bits and pieces that he could put together from what he heard that night, he deduced Justin and Brian were together way, way before him and Ben had came to the Liberty Avenue scene. They were in a relationship for two years when Justin was just a kid, they had broken up, Justin lived with a new boyfriend-then broke up with the guy too-then fled the city of Pittsburgh. He came back almost a year ago and without everyone knowing was seeing Brian almost every night. Now, Justin was sick and was getting married to Brian in a week.

What he didn't understand was when he asked Michael last Sunday night when they got home, he said, Justin was always forcing Brian to do things that Brian didn't want to do.

He was appalled by that statement and he could have sworn he heard an acidity lacing his voice. Then Michael continued to say, "I just know this could happen again. I really don't trust him. He cheated and lied to Brian before then just runaway for six years. He came back and Brian just-- forgive him just like that. He was lying to us that he was busy with his work, yada, yada, but in truth, he was just with Justin. Again."

Eric, wasn't there when Justin and Brian were together the first time around and so he didn't really know what happened. But if he'd think about what Michael was implying, Brian was forced to be with Justin. Brian Kinney, his boss, was being force to do things that he didn't really want by an unthreatening blond. 

That he couldn't fathom. That wasn't the Brian he came to know.

And now seeing the two together and acting like they'd been doing this for forever, he knew he was right. Justin was Brian's kryptonite. But it wasn't just about weaknesses, and yes, Justin was Brian's weakness, he was also his strength and power. He was his heart and obviously, Justin was the love of Brian's life. He heard that much last Sunday, and until now, he still couldn't believe that Brian was in love with someone for so long.

When he met Brian almost three years ago, Eric thought he was a perfection personified. Good looking, successful and with personality that could make both sexes wet between their legs. Brian welcomed him to their family and he opened his business door to him. He had this bad boy image but Eric could sense the good he had in his heart. In a short time, he started to fell in love with his friend and boss.

Ben told him once that Brian would never fuck his friends, and as he could see, Brian was only into fucking anonymous tricks and wouldn't settle down for anyone. He had never seen him get interested in someone for more than just a fuck. He also didn't get any vibes that Brian was interested in him. 

Heavy hearted, he tried to squash the feelings he had and became content with being friends and employee.

Then recently, Justin, all of a sudden couldn't stop talking about Brian. They would talk about sports, the topic would eventually lead to Brian's favorite sports. They'd talk about food, he would all of a sudden be doing Brian's favorite meal.

In short amount of time, it gave him a little hope that maybe, just maybe, Brian could like him romantically. When Justin was talking about Brian, it was as if Brian was just human, someone who was attainable.

Then that Sunday evening was like a bomb to not just him but most especially to others who had been in love with Brian way before he even knew Justin. Michael was obviously crushed to hear Brian not just declaring his love for Justin but also begging him to give their love a chance and actually asking the blond to marry him.

Lindsay was another story. He really wasn't sure what was going on with her but it was as if she was entitled to know everything with regards to Brian's life just because she was the mother of Brian's son.

It wasn't as if nobody was disheartened by Justin's sickness, they were all were. How could you not be? But it was just too much, he guessed, to hear Brian say all those things he had to Justin that night. It shattered the dreams and hopes of a couple of people, including his own.

"--Eric, are you okay?" He was transported back by Justin's concerned voice and a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, Jus. Uhm, so, what do you want to tell me?" He asked looking up to the blond who sat beside him on the sofa.

"Uh, Eric, first, let me apologize for, uh, god-- I'm really sorry for playing match maker. I tried to hook you up with Brian, and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Sick or not, I don't have the right to play you two like that. It was a stupid move on my part not realizing you and Brian are your own person and can very well decide who'd you want to be with." Justin was playing with the label of his water bottle. 

"Hey, it's okay. Honestly, I didn't even realize that you were playing anything or trying to get us to hook up...and..." He glanced up to the table where Brian was sitting but surprised he wasn't there anymore.

"He went to get a shower." Justin answered him without asking. The confusion must've shown on his face. "...and?" He asked.

"It's not like Brian would be interested in me even just a bit." He said it in a small voice, but damn it, he shouldn't have said that.

"Hey, Eric, you know you're a great catch. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Even Brian would be so lucky to have someone like you. Why do you think I thought of what I did if I didn't think you were?"

"But he isn't. He never was, Justin, and he never will like me, not romantically anyway. I was okay with that. I have already accepted that. And now I know it isn't because he isn't capable of loving someone but it is because you own his heart." Damn it, he should just shut his mouth and go home and bury himself under his bed for centuries to come.

Justin was looking at him grasping every words he just said. He was kind of looking sympathetic but with compassion. He must've understood the feelings of loving someone that you know you couldn't have. But Justin had Brian, apparently, he always had.

"You might not believe me, Eric, but I truly understand where you're coming from. I used to feel like that. It was like, I was just this kid, a persistent little twat who thought he was in love, taking whatever shit Brian would give. Deliriously happy for the crumbs of attention I get from him. I never thought we would end up like this, you know. I swear, it never even crossed my mind that one day Brian would want to marry me. 

"Why do you think I cheated and left this city not giving it a second thought? It was because I thought Brian would never ever love me like I wanted him to. If I didn't get sick and thought of spending my remaining days with him, I am almost sure I was never coming back. I was so certain that he wouldn’t want me back in his life, and was hard being here, being near him and not having him.

"But somehow, you know, I am thankful that Brian has people who love him. As obsessive and annoying as Michael can be, I'm so glad Brian had him as a friend. He can always lean on Michael whenever he needed him. I loved that Debbie and Vic treated him like a son, they are more worthy to be called Brian's parents than his own. And friends like Ted, Em and Lindsay. I know Gus would be his strength. And someone like you who would genuinely love him as a friend and maybe even more."

Eric looked away from Justin, embarrassed. It was true, though he never acted on his feelings with Brian, nevertheless, it was still true.

"Listen to me, Eric." Justin was whispering now and looking so desolate that it made Eric's heart weep. He couldn't imagine being in Justin's shoes. To have your dream served on a platter for you to take but you wouldn't know if you'd survive to even enjoy it in few months.

"I don't know what will happen to me when I go to that facility. I'm praying to god that I will survive this, but there is only less than 50% chance that I can make it." He was swallowing hard and trying to compose himself.

"I'm not asking you to make it your life's goal to win Brian's love or anything like that. If I'm gone and it was your destiny, then I'm glad for both of you. There's nothing I wouldn't give just to make Brian happy. But I'm not asking you about that, I'm asking you as a friend, a friend who loves Brian, to just be with him. He could be very difficult, but I know you have that patience and compassion within you. That's what Brian would need."

Justin was crying now. His tears were rolling down his cheeks and he looked like a teenager who had his first heartbreak. But Eric knew it was more than that. This was a kind of love that came only once in your lifetime.

"If ever... I just want you to stay with him, Eric. Be the friend that he would need. I want him safe..." In Eric's thirty five years of life, he hadn't felt this agony in his heart. And guess what, it wasn't even his own pain, he just felt the sorrow and grief with every syllable Justin was uttering.

He couldn't help himself and drew the young man into a hug. He hugged Justin so tightly, "You don't have to worry, you know, because you will be together with Brian for many years to come. There are so many who love you, who will pray for your recovery. Just believe that you can, Justin. Just believe."

That night, Brian asked Justin to make love to him. They could feel the heat emblazoned in every touch, in every kiss, in every thrust to Brian's hole. It was pure heaven.

The week went by busy preparing for the wedding and Brian became more acquainted with Justin's medical regime. He didn't know how he had missed the numbers of bottles kept under the bathroom sink but when Justin showed him, it was there piled neatly and orderly.

Justin explained that he put his pills to be consume in one day in one container for easy access. They were basically for his immune system to get ready for the procedure, for migraine headaches, nausea and some vitamins.

He both had a few missed calls from Michael and Lindsay throughout the week, but he was just too busy and too ecstatic to put a negative vibe on his days. 

He honestly knew what those calls were about and he was also sure, that if they hadn't changed the locks to the loft, they would have unwanted visitors interrupting their nights throughout the week.

Good thing they weren't home that much because they had like millions of things to do to get married. Brian was sure his friends had been knocking on their door several times a day.

Within five days, they had already accomplished their marriage license, and their tuxedos were being altered, ready to be pick up on Friday afternoon. Emmett also had them over for lunch to show them the actual food to be served for their dinner celebration. They both approved of Emmett's choices and just added a few tips here and there.

Justin's Ohio family arrived on Friday evening and the three of them went to the airport to meet the family. Brian was a little bit nervous because he didn't see Jennifer for so long and he hadn't met Justin's uncle John.

It turned out he didn't have anything to be worried about because they were all welcoming him to their family and Jennifer whispered a sincere 'Thank you' in his ear.

They went to get dinner after they all settled in their room at the hotel and had a great night just getting acquainted with Justin's blood family. Brian was kind of taken aback though by how Molly had grown and now was a lady, and a beautiful lady at that, a spitting image of her lovely mother.

Sunday came and they both didn't get out of the bed until it was necessary. The loft was decorated by Emmett and his crew the night before and the sofa was removed to make way for a makeshift small gazebo with leafy vines on its pillars. The sides of it were donned in lavender lace curtains arranged together with purple bows.

The loft had transformed into a fairytale like place. It wasn't even finished because Emmett would still be putting some fresh gardenias around the gazebo and on the walls of the loft too. He said he'd throw violet colored orchids on the floor around the gazebo.

Brian was feeling a tingle up his spine thinking 'This is it... We will be getting married this afternoon'. He settled his eyes on the man laying on top of him, ran his fingers through the golden locks and closed his eyes. 

His mouth curved into a smile imagining the night before. His fierce little blond was showing him his sexual prowess and Brian could still feel it, he could still feel Justin inside him.

Since the Bahamas, Brian couldn't explain it, but it seemed like his inhibitions about bottoming had suddenly vanished. He couldn't even fathom how he deprived himself of that kind of pleasure before. But he guessed, it wasn't because he despised bottoming, it was about trusting the one who'd top him. And he completely trusted Justin.

Then his eyes were caught by the two tuxedos hanging in the middle of their room. One was black with white shirt and the other one was silver gray with black shirt. 

From this day on, come what may, it would always be Brian and Justin. No more only Brian or only Justin, and it wouldn't be only their names that would be forever intertwined, their lives would too. Together with their bodies and souls.

Emmett came barging in at twelve noon and was giving them commands to go out of the loft and have lunch but make sure to be back before three pm. 

They went out to get lunch together for couple of hours and when they slid the door to the loft at quarter to three, they both stood gaping at the sight in front of them. 

Goodness! It wasn't like his loft just two hours ago. The gazebo was even more stunning than it already was, and now, it was filled with golden gardenias on its pillars and the violet orchids on the floor. There were few twinkling lights around the walls with gardenias on the flower stands. 

On one side of the loft, a long table was placed full of finger foods and refreshments. The two tier fondant cake with 2 grooms perched on top of it, was placed on the side of gazebo near the television.

Brian and Justin were being pushed to the bathroom by Emmett telling them they'd better clean up and get dressed if they didn't want to be late to their own wedding.

But of course they couldn't be left alone in the shower, slippery wet, and not fuck each other's brains out. But Emmett must've anticipated it because after thirty minutes they were startled by the banging of the bathroom's door. Emmett was shouting they better stopped fucking and get dressed if they don't want Emmet to come inside the shower himself and yank them both out.

Ten minutes before four o'clock, they both could hear the arrival of their guests and Justin was standing in front of the full length mirror with Brian on his back wrapping his arms around the blond's waist. They were just looking into each other's eyes. They didn't need words, their eyes were saying it all.

At exactly four pm, Emmett slightly knocked on their door frame saying he was coming inside the room. They had put a drape on the door to have a modicum of privacy from outside of it.

They heard their friend gasp at their sight and when they glanced at Emmett he was dramatically putting his hands on his chest with misty eyes. "You two are perfect." He whispered.

They thanked him and kissed each other one last time as single men.

They finally went out of their room to start the ceremony. A collective gasp and stunned faces greeted them as they stood on the second steps and just basked in all the warm atmosphere of the loft full with happy, teary-eyed friends and families.

Jennifer came to them and kissed their cheeks whispering how happy she was for the both of them. Debbie moved next, hugging them tightly with tears in her eyes.

Emmett signaled for them to start walking the short distance from the steps to the makeshift gazebo. Brian held Justin's hand tightly squeezing it in silent question if he was ready for it. Justin squeezed back and they smiled foolishly to each other.

The soft music started and Brian took the first step down and Justin followed without letting each other's hand.

It was way too short of a walk to where the judge stood but it was like walking on the moon for them. It was as if their guests suddenly disappeared and they were the only ones exist. 

The guests were all stunned by the love radiated from both grooms, it was truly a great experienced to witness.

The ceremony went by too fast. The newlyweds were kissing passionately in front of everyone. Some were wiping their tears away, some were trying not to get too emotional and a few with confused and a little jealous of what they had witnessed.

It was just surreal for most of them who were there. It was so simple yet so beautiful with Justin's heartfelt vows and Brian's jaw dropping ones. He was a man of few words and his vows proved that he really was.

"29 must be a lucky number for me. That was my age when my son was born, I met you two on the same night and... that was when I first fell in love. You're the only one, Justin. It's always been you and it will always be you."

Gus was more than happy to be part of the ceremony as he gave his father the rings when the judge asked for it while little cutie Jenny Rebecca was adorably throwing some petals to Brian and Justin's feet. It was such a lovely evening, full of peace, hope, smiles and love.

Brian hadn't noticed it, but when Justin pulled from his kisses to turn to Emmett, that was when he noticed the small shiny black piano near the cake. Some waiters were positioning it to move forward.

Justin gave him a shy smile and settled himself on the small bench. He ran his fingers on the keys but not pressing it, then looked up to beam at Brian again.

Then he started playing it, and Brian remembered the one he saw on Emmett's phone. He knew the song, he had searched and listened to it that day after he went to his office. 

Then he suddenly shrugged off his jacket leaving him with his white shirt on and a wicked smile.

Justin started singing what he told Emmett a joke not so long ago. He didn't even dare to dream that one day he would be getting married, much less be married to the love of his life.

//So as long as I live I'll love you, Will have and hold you, You look so beautiful in white.//

They both smiled at each other especially when Justin saw Brian removed his jacket and had a white shirt on.

Everyone was moved and by the end of the song, Justin was already emotional and anyone would be deaf and unfeeling if they couldn't hear the pain in every word he sang.

//You look so beautiful in white, And from now to my very last breath, This day I'll cherish  
You look so beautiful in white...Tonight.//*

Brian couldn't hold his tears any longer and he went to his new husband, gently yanked him from his seat to hug him. He hid his face on Justin's neck and just held him tightly. Justin was crying too, he could feel his shoulders shaking.

After a while, the loft was in total silence saved for some sniffling, Justin turned their backs to their guests and tried to compose themselves. He wiped his own tears and reached to wipe some remnants from Brian's eyes.

When they were a little more presentable again, with Brian's arm on his shoulder, they faced their friends and families. Justin cleared his throat and addressed them,

"We couldn't express how much each and every one of your presence make us so happy tonight. From the bottom of our hearts," he gestured to him and Brian who still looked so solemn. "We thank you all, for coming and sharing with us this special day. Thank you."

Brian nodded his head, and looked at his friends and family. "Yeah, thank you all for coming. This is one of the happiest days of my life and I'm glad that you are all here to share it with us."

Then Emmett, bless his heart, was clapping his hands to divert the attention from the still emotional Brian and told the guests that they were having a scrumptious dinner at one of the best restaurants in Pittsburgh. He told them the place was already waiting and they all must start getting there.

One by one their guests had left until Brian and Justin were the only one in the loft. They hugged again and Brian whispered, "I guess, you're stuck with me now."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, husband."

Brian looked at him for a while then leaned down to kiss him. "Me, too..." Another kiss. "... Husband."

They arrived just ten minutes later than their guests and everyone enjoyed the prepared foods and drinks. Justin was eating as he usually did, meaning a double serving, but drank less alcohol. Brian was surprisingly hungry and just drank a couple of glass of wine.

A few of their friends gave them a toast, a cheerful toast, full of hope and everlasting love. A couple of them gave an awfully skeptical one that raised many eyebrows from their guests and families. 

They hadn't let it tamper the great ambiance surrounding them though. And at one point, Brian was asking Justin for their first dance as a married couple.

The lights got dimmed until they were only illuminated in the center of the ballroom. Brian was looking at his husband and whispered, "This is for you, Justin. Only for you."

Then the classic song started to fill the place and they both swayed softly to it.

//Only you can make all this world seem right  
Only you can make the darkness bright  
Only you and you alone,  
Can thrill me like you do,  
And fill my heart with love for only you//

Justin put his head on Brian's shoulder, closing his eyes and hugged him while they were still swaying. He felt Brian kissing his head.

//Only you can make all this change in me  
For it's true, you are my destiny,  
When you hold my hand,  
I understand the magic that you do  
You're my dream come true,  
My one and only you//**

They were kissing by the end of the song and Brian whispered he was ready for their honeymoon.

Everyone was giving them their well wishes when the two bid their goodbyes and hopped in their car to get to the airport.

Brian and Justin were deliriously happy and the seven days honeymoon in Santorini was everything they could ask for. It was so perfect from the villa that they had stayed in, to the bluest sea that they've ever seen, to the mouth watering Greek food that had been served, to the sunrise and sunset sex on the patio of their second floor room.

Justin had a day of headaches and had vomitted once, but after a long night's sleep, he was good to go again. Brian hadn't slept a wink that night and his consciousness began to drive to unvisited territory. He felt a fear that he hadn't felt in his whole life. He was petrified to even think what would happen if the experimental procedure wouldn't work.

He slept just as the sun was rising clutching on his husband's waist and woke up with the smell of coffee and pancakes. And when he opened his eyes, Justin's smile was the first thing he saw.

He tried to gear away from the negative issues and just focused on the now. What he had at that time was what he needed to focus on. And times like this, when Justin would smile and laugh with abandonment, he felt the hope and faith creeping in every fiber of his being. 

He knew he needed to be strong for this, and for them, and he didn't intend on succumbing to any weaknesses.

When they were back in Pittsburgh, they both couldn't ignore the elephant in the room. Brian asked him all the details of his procedures and told both Ted and Cynthia that they needed to hold the fort for them. He took time off indefinitely.

Justin wasn't too keen on the idea of disrupting Brian's schedule, but when Brian pointed out what he'd do if he wouldn't want Justin to be on his side if he got sick, he suddenly stopped and booked their flights without any words.

The operation would be done a week from their arrival to Pittsburgh and they needed to be in Akron in three days. Justin needed to be fully examined and assessed prior to the procedure.

They spent the three days in Pittsburgh fixing all their legalities and visiting friends and families. Jess was in Cleveland already with her parents and Justin's family.

Their afternoons found them in deep meetings with their attorneys discussing every nook and cranny of their binding and spousal rights. And on their last day in Pittsburgh they signed a truck load of papers to make sure of their legal rights to each other. Though, gay marriages were already exercised and legalized in the whole country, Brian wouldn't want to just rely on that. He wanted to be in absolute surety.

Their evenings were spent with family dinners. Once in Debbie's house, the other was with Ted and Blake, and the last night was with the Munchers. All of the gang was present at every dinner sending positive vibes and just to lend their support.

Brian expected for Michael and even Lindsay to try to talk to him and his two best friends didn't disappoint. Michael had been calling him since he arrived from their honeymoon and wanted to meet him 'alone', but he was just too busy juggling with Cynthia and the lawyers to give Michael even a minute of his time.

He tried to corner him that night in dinner at Debbie's, but Brian was just too exhausted to even want to hear Michael's unwarranted advice. He told him he would call the next day and they would talk. Michael wanted to meet for lunch but Brian and Justin had an appointment with their lawyers.

Ted's place wasn't that big and when they had dinner that night, Michael hadn't had the chance to talk to Brian.

His chance came when they had the dinner at the munchers'. Brian went upstairs to use the bathroom and Michael followed him. He was waiting at the hallway outside the bathroom.

Brian was pissed but led his friend to the guest room and let him talk. Basically, he was just letting Brian know that he understood the need for Brian to marry Justin. But what made Brian pissed even more was to hear his friend still insinuating that Justin seemed to coerce him in doing things that he didn't really want to do.

"Michael, I think there's no point of explaining to you anything anymore, because you'd only want to hear what you want to believe, but let me just tell you this. Justin, my husband, is going to be on an operating table in four days. I am not okay, Michael. I seem to be smiling or even look okay, but I am not. 

"I am dying inside. I want so bad for Justin to be out of that facility well and healthy. I am so scared, Michael, so terrified of what could happen to my husband. It's killing me that there is only less than fifty percent chance for him to survive this. And all I need is a friend who would understand that... Who would feel how I really feel inside... Not a friend who would always look down on the man that I married. The only man that I want to be with. 

"The same man who is sitting down there sharing this night with his friends. He has brain cancer, Michael, and we don't know if he will be back sitting in that fucking living room again and all you can think is Justin coercing me to be with him."

Brian let out a humorless laugh.

"What happened to you, Mikey? You weren't so welcoming to Justin before but you were certainly not this heartless. You were even okay when Justin first show up again almost a year ago. But then suddenly, bam! You became your old self nine years ago, but this time, you are worse than ever."

Michael tried to deny Brian's words and started his 'I'm your best friend I am just looking out for you' old mantra when Brian just stood up stared him down and left the room without looking back.

Justin felt the tension in Brian's body when he came back from upstairs and leaned slightly to him. Brian welcomed the warmth and silent comfort from the man who they all should be comforting. Brian tilted his head a little to the side and whispered on Justin's ear, "I love you".

Justin smiled and mouthed, "Love you" back to him.

Lindsay, thankfully hadn't tried anything but a few meaningful stares here and there. Brian knew she was itching to talk to him, too, but at least she had the decency to shut her mouth when she knew she should.

Brian realized later that night, that Lindsay not saying anything to him was because she didn't need to. They were one of the last guests to leave, and when she hugged Justin before they left, Brian heard her saying, "Don't worry, honey, we will take care of Brian. Gus and I will take good care of him."

He didn't really think anything about it when he heard that, but as he was lying down with Justin in their bed, he felt the coldness running down his spine. Lindsay was already writing Justin out of their lives.

He wanted to go to Lindsay at that moment and go on a rampage. He wanted to tell her how cruel she had become and that Justin didn't deserve what she was doing to him. But he didn't even try to move. Lindsay had crossed a line and Brian would deal with her later. Justin was more important and them being together like this, was more important than a bitterly jealous bitch.

The next day, they arrived in Cleveland after lunch. Jess was at the airport to drive them to his mother's house and they all welcomed them with a hot delicious meal on the table.

The lunch was okay, but you could sense that everyone was a little off. They hadn't tried to spoil the meal by getting emotional or something like that but Brian could feel the unending support from each and everyone.

In the end, he thought, he was so glad that Justin had his blood family who loves him so much. He was glad they had found the way to reconcile with John and his family after the huge feud with Craig.

They had an appointment with Justin's oncologist the next day and Brian and Justin left Jen's house a little after five. It would only take them less than an hour to travel to Akron but they didn't want to be on the road when it was dark.

They arrived at the hotel by 6:30 and had a light snack. They both just rested in bed, snuggling together, and later, Brian made love to Justin and went to sleep afterwards.

They were at the clinic a little before eight in the morning and Dr. Jake Morgan met them in his office by 8:15.

The doctor was in his early forties and had a great look. He was as tall as Brian with dirty blond hair and green eyes. He had a few flecks of silver hair on his temples but it just added to his charisma.

He received them with a warm smile and shook both their hands gesturing for them to sit. Justin was smiling his sunshiny smile too and Brian had his eyebrow arched a little bit at that.

Justin might've sensed that something had shifted in Brian's demeanor and went to introduce him.

"Jake, I'd like you to meet Brian Kinney, my husband."

The good doctor did a double take quickly glancing at Justin then shifted his eyes to Brian, smiling slightly.

"I didn't know that you had a boyfriend much less a husband, Justin. And we only saw each other last Christmas. Oh, pardon my rudeness, congratulations, Brian, Justin, when did you tie the knot?" Dr. Morgan sincerely greeted them but Brian was a little distracted by 'We only saw each other last Christmas.'

Justin shrugged his shoulders but smiling like a fool. "Thanks. Uh, we knew each other for so long. We reconnected about a year ago and got married just less than two weeks ago."

Jake was nodding his head, then shook it as if clearing it from the cobwebs that had appeared all of a sudden. "Wow. Congratulations, again."

Well wishes aside, they proceeded the assessment and Justin was hauled off to undergo a dozen tests and analyses. All the while, Brian was sitting in a waiting room, fidgeting and anxious. By five in the afternoon, Justin appeared in front of Brian and they left the clinic hand in hand without saying anything.

They had dinner in their hotel room that evening and they both tried to be strong for each other. It was obviously not working well but it was better than being emotional wrecks which wouldn't benefit anything.

Justin made love to Brian that night, mapping every inch of his body with kisses and fiery touches. He gave his all in every thrust and every moan was a testament of pure bliss.

They went back to Dr. Morgan's office the next morning for the results and for a final briefing if Justin was fit to have the procedure the next day. Fortunately, Justin had the all clear from his series of tests that was done the other day and now was given the pre-surgery regime to be done before coming in the next day.

Brian was given a briefing of his own too. Dr. Morgan discussed with him the things to be expected for Justin, and the realistic outcome of the procedures to be done. He also made it clear what was to be expected from him, before, during and after the procedure. Jake told Brian to hold his hope, but to be realistic too.

Dr. Morgan pointedly emphasized that this operation for Justin wasn't only affecting Justin alone. It was a shared condition and it was always better to be opened with each other.

They were out of the facility by two pm and had a lunch in a very cozy restaurant not far from their hotel. Both made sure that they didn't skirt around the issue and talk with honesty and understanding.

Justin was telling Brian that he was hoping and praying that he could survive this, but if he didn't, he wanted Brian to go on with his life. And that maybe, one day, he could open his heart again and let himself loved and be loved.

Brian told him that he certainly could promise that he'd try to live as normally as he could. He still had Gus to think about, his businesses and friends and family. But he certainly couldn't promise to love again.

"I can't even fathom how to continue my life without you, Justin, much less seeing myself loving another guy. We both know it wouldn't happen. This is it, you and me. How long we shall be together in this life, it doesn't really matter. Because I'll continue loving you until we meet in the next life."

Justin's tears were rolling on his face and Brian hugged him tightly oblivious to the curious stares around them. He released him after a while wiping Justin's eyes with his thumb kissing him playfully on his nose.

They met Justin's family including Jess' in the hotel lobby at four. They all agreed to meet for dinner at the hotel restaurant in few hours to give themselves a little rest from traveling and the couple from their stressful day of briefing.

The evening went well and they all decided to be at the facility together the next day to lend support, not just to Justin but to each other. Brian had mixed emotions with this sentiment. He might open up his emotions with Justin but it didn't mean he was thrilled to let other people see it too.

But at the end of the day, everyone was right, they all needed each other's support and Brian needed to learn how to get strength from people who happened to love Justin too.

That night, Brian didn't want to feel like it was their last night. God, he got chills running through his body just thinking about that. Instead, he wanted them to remember this night as a night of revelations, a night of hope, of promises and a night full of love.

Brian told Justin as they were snuggling in bed, that every year, they would have a month long vacation on their wedding anniversaries. It would only be the two of them. They'd go one year to Italy, maybe Paris on next, then Switzerland... Until there were no countries left to be explored, then they'd repeat it from the start.

They'd be going to house hunt maybe in six to eight months from now and Justin could have the manor of his choice. The one he always dreamt, the one with pool, tennis court and stables.

They'd spend at least a week with Gus on a vacation. It would be Gus' choice where he wanted to go. They'd make it a yearly basis too.

Justin told him honestly that he would want Brian to have another child. He said maybe in five years, they were ready to have their own. Brian thought it would be a possibility, but he wanted a little blonde angel instead of a brunette ones.

But they both knew it wasn't possible anymore. Justin couldn't have a child after his cancer the first time around. But Justin still smiled at the image produced in his head. A little blonde girl, in a flowing white dress, tickled by his daddies on a picnic blanket.

He sighed at the warm feeling he had in his chest. Brian must've been having the same image, or close to it, because he kissed Justin's temple and chortled, "Little Sunshine will be spoiled rotten by his dada."

Justin softly laughed, it was a bit morose, but he already accepted it long time ago.

"We get a brunette or a slightly dark blonde one then. Gus turned out to be a handsome kid, we'll have a beautiful Kinney girl."

Justin read the message crystal clear and this night was truly a great one. One he couldn't forget. One they would always have in their hearts.

Both of them were tested by immaturity, hardship of growing up, of time and space. They'd even been tested by something that nothing could've helped but faith and prayers. But they stood together, side by side, hand in hand, heart to heart, soul to soul. The paths they traveled on weren't always smooth, it would be rocky at times, but it wouldn't matter, they would always have each other's back.

They would always have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Beautiful in white by Shane Filan  
> **Only You by The Platters
> 
> One chapter left, folks. I'll update as soon as I can. Thank you so much for reading:)


	9. My one and only you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter, folks. 
> 
> Thanks to Jazzepoet for being a great beta. I'm forever grateful.

"... Hmm, hmm, you're my dream come true, my one and only you... Hmm, hmm..."

The turntable was softly playing in the room and Brian was humming with it.

"Dad, I've been calling you for awhile now. I guess I should've known you're engrossed in your treasure yet again." Gus said, sitting on the chair facing the one Brian was on. 

Brian was startled a little but glanced up and smiled at his only son who had grown to be just like his dada. A heartbreaker. He chuckled softly.

"Well, I didn't know you're coming early. You know I love to leaf through this everyday. My one true love, my only treasure." He said a little melancholic, gently running the pad of his thumb on a particular picture smiling lovingly at it.

It's been 27 years since that fateful procedure was done to his loving and gorgeous husband. And as fateful and critical as it was, Justin, his brave, young husband, had successfully pushed through it.

He remembered how they were all anxiously waiting in the room for nearly twelve hours. Brian was so close to climbing the walls from being scared, nervous, anxious and every thing else. He remembered how Jen was trying to tell him to eat, but he just couldn't. That day went with a blur. He couldn't remember more, but the feelings and sometimes the unfeeling due to his numbing, which still lingered days after.

But around 9 pm, Dr. Morgan came and the good doctor, as suspicious Brian was for his real feelings for Justin, forgot everything as he was hugged by him whispering in his ear, "He did it, that brave little fucker just did it, Brian."

Brian was too elated to even contemplate his actions but he clung to Dr. Morgan tightly as he heard their families buzzing with happiness around them.

He shed some tears, he wasn't ashamed to admit it. He was just too happy, too relieved and too thankful to the power up there who gave this new life to his husband.

They were allowed to visit Justin's room after couple of hours but they were advised to do it quickly and go home to get some rest for themselves.

Brian, of course, wouldn't hear any of it. He begged, begged, for them to let him stay and he'd promised to be silent, be not a nuisance or be a statue, or anything they wanted him to be. In the end, they didn't have the heart to say no to Brian and let him stay by Justin's side.

He still could remember the first time Justin opened his eyes. It was the next morning and the doctors were there and he was being shove to the far corner of the room. Well, that was better than the other side of the door.

He couldn't see anything because the doctors were scattered throughout his bed. All he could hear was Dr. Morgan's voice repeatedly saying, "Justin, open your eyes. Yes, open it. Come on, Justin, I know you can do it."

Then he heard it. That voice, as hoarse as it was, he still could recognize it in a million years after.

"Br-Bria-Briann..."

He heard a whimper, he knew it came from his own mouth. He knew he was crying but he also knew he couldn't go to Justin just yet, without the go signal from the doctor.

"Whe- where is... Bri.. Brian?"

He slid down the wall and put his face on his hands. God, Justin! His husband's first thoughts upon waking from this nightmare was him. This overwhelming thoughts was too much and he felt his chest was about to explode.

A hand in his shoulder startled him. When he looked up, with all the tears in his eyes, he saw it was Dr. Morgan. He said Justin wanted to see Brian. He also said that it was better to give the patient what they thought could calm their mind and emotions and so they could examine them afterwards without interruptions.

Brian stood abruptly, and walked the short distance from where he was to Justin's bed. Justin saw him when he was near and a smile ghosted on his lips and reached up to hold Brian's hand, who clutched on it immediately.

"Brian, you're here." He whispered still looking a bit dazed.

"Yeah, baby, I'm here. I'm not going to leave your side. I promise you that." He said crouching a little to kiss Justin's hand. "I love you." A tear slid down his eyes again.

"I love you, Brian.... Don't cry, okay?"

He nodded and chuckled softly kissing his hand again. "Let the doctors here check you, okay? I'll be just right over..." He pointed to one corner, "...there."

"Okay."

Then Brian leaned down to kiss his husband's lips and straightened to walk back to his corner. Dr. Morgan sent him a grateful smile and Brian just nodded, he was actually the grateful one for all the good doctor's help.

Justin's progress was truly remarkable. Even Dr. Morgan had told Brian that they never had a patient who was this determined to persevere. It was as if Justin was more motivated to get through this than any other patient they had in the past.

Brian knew how stubborn his husband could be. If he put his mind into it, he always got what he wanted and Brian shared this to Dr. Morgan who was in agreement with him. The good doctor also said that being in love and hoping to have a long future with their loved ones was one heck of a motivation. And he said, he was glad Brian was in Justin's life when this thing happened. It was obvious that Brian was a huge part of Justin's fighting spirit kicking up big time.

He was in chemo and radiation for six weeks and his progression was surprisingly great and had been released from the facility just after eight weeks. They said it took most patients three months and a half to be given the go and one patient was in for more than five. That made both of them so happy and so they bid the whole staff with a warming goodbye and a heartfelt thank you.

They stayed in Akron for a week, then in Cleveland for another week. After that they went home to Pittsburgh with a little surprise from their family waiting at their loft. Jess came back with them, but not because she thought Justin needed her to be there but she genuinely loved to live in the city.

Justin was surprisingly very complying. Dr. Morgan advised him to take it easy and not to do some strenuous activities, and that he shouldn't be so stubborn thinking he could go back to where it was immediately. He should give his body and mind a little rest and just bring on a gradual increase in his everyday life that his body could endure.

The three month follow up check up was really good and the doctor advised him to just eat right, exercise regularly and avoid the bad habits like drinking, smoking and the use of recreational drugs. In short, live a clean life, and Brian encouraged themselves to do just that. He wasn't keen on keeping Justin alive just for him dying from lung cancer like his dad in few years.

On their fifth month, they both decided to look for that dream house, and in just under a month, their agent found the one that was perfect for them.

It was a manor, with five bedrooms and five bathrooms, with a study and a big sunroom that Justin could convert into a studio. His hand wasn't 100 percent still, not even in fifties but it was improving a lot. He told Brian that he was thinking of going back to the art school again, where he already started in Cleveland for three semesters after his first operation. He needed to stop though after his first battle with cancer. 

After his first chemotherapy, he just couldn't deal with the tremors on his right hand and couldn't draw anything decent in few months. When he did again, it took him days to finish even f a simple drawing that he could easily do in one hour before the bashing. And it frustrated him to no end, and thus, stopped going to school at all.

Brian agreed and that was what Justin did for two years afterward, finishing his art degree. He had done it with the help of his physical therapist who in the end restored around 90% of his hand motor skills. Justin was back with his sketch book all the time like he used to when he was seventeen. And that made Brian's heart skipped a beat.

They moved to their manor, that Justin funnily named 'Britin', just after seven months from Justin's procedure. They had one room for Gus and Brian hired a live in caretaker, Mrs. Cariso, a forty three year old widow, native of Pittsburgh.

They also had Mr. Alfonso and his young son, Joseph, to take care of their two acres of land surrounding the manor. They also took care of their two stallions, Azure and Ace.

Brian went back to work before the one month mark of their return to Pittsburgh. But it was obvious he was cutting his hours down to a more acceptable one. When Justin asked him about it, he just told his husband, that at some point in life you just realize what your priorities should be. And Brian knew money was important but being home and spending extra time with him and Gus would be more paramount to his existence.

Of course, it wouldn't be Brian's life if there weren't enough angst in it, too. Michael seemed to be angry all time since Brian and Justin came back. Michael tried to talk to him several times but Brian soon stopped taking his call because it always came down to Michael being an asshole. Brian called him on it every time he did it, but with him, it only fell on deaf ears.

Lindsay, was another story too. She wasn't as blatantly obvious at first as Michael was, but she was just as bad, even more. He also didn't forget about the parting words she had for Justin before they went to Ohio.

Lindsay unleashed her inner demons one at a time and the next one was always crueler than the one before. Brian thought if it wasn't for Mel, he was sure as hell going to court with Lindsay regarding Gus' affairs.

Unlike Michael, who received them coldly from their return, Lindsay seemed to be the opposite. Brian remembered how she was cooing and all teary eyed when Justin and him came to visit the munchers on their second day in Pittsburgh. They were there for Gus actually, but of course they didn't tell the munchers that.

But then she heard about the house, and up to this day, Brian didn't know how she came to know about it. She came to his office and tried to pry some news but he wasn't relenting.

He just said, "Whatever you heard, from whomever it was, don't believe anything a non-reliable source will tell you."

He saw her bounced in delight, but it was just so minutely that you wouldn't notice if you really don't know her.

"Ah, well, you know, Gus and I will always be here for you. I know we are your priorities above all others and I want you to know that you are ours. Always. Just tell us and we'll be there for you. Anytime." She said the last word so meaningfully and giving him an eye. Brian was so taken aback but chose not to be so obvious.

"Are you and Melanie, okay?" Instead of freaking out, he asked.

She looked down and twined her hands together on her lap in a Waspish kind of way.

"Well, Mel, will never be Gus' father, Brian. You are. Every child has the right to be with their parents, that is us for Gus. Think how we can make him happy, make his dream come true. His mother, father, a sibling maybe, it will be perfect." She had this patronizing smile on her face, as if she was presenting him her ad campaign for a heterosexual life with her.

It made his head spin and Brian hadn't had the chance to even retaliate or gave her his piece of mind. It was just so sudden, and seemed so out of nowhere.

He realized she was still talking and without giving any negative response to her, it fueled her overflowing imagination to the point it was cemented in a span of 30 seconds. In a minute, he bet she already had her white dress picked and the kind of mansion she wanted.

Then she was beaming, standing up, shouldering her bag and came to him and kissed the side of his lips. He was too stunned to even blink, he was Brian Kinney for fuck sake but he just couldn't make his body move or react. He was frozen on his seat.

Then she was gone. Shit!

He tried to stay away from Lindsay after that. She was freaking him out and all the things that he wanted to confront her just went to the back burner. He couldn't deal with a crazy and delusional lesbian. He thought she would cool down after a while.

He started to learn how to maneuver to the munchers and get Gus without Lindsay in the house. She was calling incessantly trying to get him to visit 'her and Gus' or pestering him to have a day out with just the three of them.

Brian didn't want to have any ruffles with Lindsay, honestly, mainly because she had the hold for Gus. He knew Melanie would be just as happy to learn he was banned from seeing his son. He didn't tell Justin about this, god, his husband had just came out from a life threatening sickness. 

He couldn't start a war with Lindsay when it would be Gus and Justin, who in the end, would be the ones hurt. And so he just skirt around her and pretended he was dumb not to know what she was hinting at. Though, she was blatantly flirting and drooling on the phone that made Brian's skin itch. She came to his office a couple of times but as efficient as Cynthia was, she just didn't have a chance.

The next time he saw Lindsay was on the day their invite to a housewarming was sent. The celebration would be on the coming Saturday's lunch and it would extend to a pool party until after dinner time. Emmet was catering the whole event and it was all specified on the invite.

The invite was sent on Wednesday morning and Lindsay came to yell at him by 12:30. She barged in with Cynthia on tow who was flushed with anger. 

He told her it was okay and it made Lindsay smiled smugly at her saying condescendingly, "See, he is always available to me. Get it through your head that I am Gus' mother. Brian's only child."

Cynthia clenched her jaw and turned to walk out the door but Brian stopped her.

"Sorry, Cyn. Let me be the one to apologize for my son's mother's rudeness."

Lindsay audibly gasped and clutched her hands dramatically on her breasts. "Brian!"

Cynthia just nodded and smiled at him then continued walking.

"Brian, why did you have to say that? She will think so little of me now. She is a bitch, Brian! She always intercepted me coming in. She should know who I am!" She said steamily sitting on the sofa crossing her legs in a demure way.

Brian's resolve was thinning out and was so sick of her attention seeking attitude. He needed to be straight with her and damned with the consequences. Her delusions should be stopped and he was stopping it now. He'd just have to ready a lawyer and tell Justin of this insanity.

"You are my friend, Linds, and Cynthia or anyone of my employees don't have to know you or your importance to me. It is irrelevant." He said coolly.

She tilted her head up a bit, "It is relevant, Brian. I need them to know who I am. I need them to respect me."

"Respect you, yes. As they all should to every human being. But you are not anything or anyone here for them to single out and bow down to. You are my friend, just like Emmett, Michael and Blake and even Melanie. Now Eric and Ted are another story. They are employees here and Ted is their CFO."

"How can you just label me among Emmett and Blake?! I am Gus' mother, your only child! Sooner or later Gus will want to have a family and you know better than to disappoint your son! You know it, and it's better for your employees here to know where I stand in your life." She said with her put upon face.

"Where do you think you stand in my life, Linds?"

"Brian, you know where I stand. You know my significance and importance in your life. What do you think you will do when your son wants us to be family? Do you have a heart to tell him no? Can you break your son's heart when he wants for you and me be truly his mom and dad?"

"I tell my son the truth. The truth that his father is gay and is married to another man already and I never intend to change my status or even changing my husband. Not even to my son's wishes, Lindsay."

"How can you say that? You'd crush your son's heart. He will never forgive you, Brian. He will know you've chosen someone over him. He will despise you!" She was standing now and walking near his desk.

"No, Lindsay. I will make sure my son will understand. He will understand his dad is gay and married to Justin and his mom is lesbian married to his mama Mel. Children are the most understanding, given the right explanations, are faster to comprehend than most adults are. Its better living in honesty than to start making him believe something that wasn't even possible."

"Why it is so impossible for us to be family? You are already married, you have known how to be in a relationship now. I've never thought it was possible, but here you are- a married man- and you're not that bad to be one either.This can be like a preparatory phase for you, and now you are ready to have your own true family."

"What?" Brian chortled. This was crazy and Brian was beginning to lose his mind too. His friend was certainly becoming delusional.

"Don't you dare laugh at me or you'd be sorry. You better start dissolving anything that you needed to in preparation of Gus' wishes."

"Gus' wishes or his mummy's wishes? Do I need to point it out that you have a wife at home, Lindsay? A wife and another daughter. You'd just, what, take off with me and ride on our white horses to the sunsets?"

"Mel, will understand. She too will be thinking about it if JR would want her real family. She will understand, I promise you that."

"Yeah, right. Melanie marrying and having a lot of monkey sex with Michael. She truly will want that." He scoffed unkindly, this was getting ridiculous.

"Then I don't care. She can go wherever she wants and do whatever she likes. But Gus certainly needs his mom and dad. It is his right to have that, Brian."

"Well, if Melanie means so little to you, it's not really my business to interfere but yours and hers. But I have to let you know that Justin is my husband today, tomorrow, the next year, the next decades and next millennium. He will always be my husband, the other half of me, who owns me and who I demand my employees' respect. No one will be replacing his place in my life, not even if my son demands for it. Never!"

"He is sick, Brian. He already had cancer twice! He can't give you any children. He is young, who told you he won't have another fiddler? Then what will you do, huh?"

"Then I will fight for him. Make him fall in love with me again. I'm never letting him go again, Lindsay. This time, it's for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Until death do us part. I said that on our wedding day, we both promised that to each other and we don't intend on backing on it. Now, do you remember when you said that to your wife? Was that all a lie? I don't really like Mel but I sure never wished for her to be treated like this, much less from her wife of eight years."

"You will regret this Brian. I promise you that. And by the way, I saw the mansion. It looks okay, just make sure it is only in Kinney's name."

Now, this was just too funny to even get mad. "It is in Kinney's name. Brian and Justin Kinney. He petitioned to change his surname three months ago and it was granted last month. The fucking manor is even named by Justin, we call it Britin." He laughed shaking his head as if remembering the exact conversation.

Lindsay was fuming and smacked her palms on the desk leaning toward him. "You will be sorry for this, Brian. I swear you'll regret this. I don't have to tell you that you are going to stay away from my house. You are never going to see your son until you will wise up and do what we should've done."

"And what is that, Lindsay, to live a lie? To live in fantasy? To live in a life where I'd be miserable for the rest of my life? Is that it? You are taking my son away because I don't want to ruin Gus' life? Or yours and mine? What is happening to you?"

"I am perfectly fine, Brian. We will be perfectly fine. We already tried to be together before and it was amazing. You just have to let Justin go."

"No, we didn't try to be together. We were never a part of a couple. We were friends who experimented with each other, and that was all there was. I never led you to believe that there was more. I never."

"Well, then. You just lost a son, Brian. It shouldn't be this hard for you to choose, it is only between you marrying me and we'll live in our manor or you'd lose your son. Goodbye, Brian."

He went to take Justin from school that day and brought him to a cafe house near PIFA. He told him everything about what had happened in his office with Lindsay and Justin wanted to march down to muncherville but Brian told him not to. They should be doing something to solve this not to make it worse. Justin agreed and they both cooled down and went home to their new house.

They decided Brian should talk to Mel and they'd make their legal actions from there after they saw her reaction to this.

He called Mel at her office the next morning and as he expected she was shouting at him for being insensitive and irresponsible to Gus. Brian anticipated this would be Lindsay's first course of action.

"What did she tell you, Mel?"

"Well, asshole, Linds was crying her eyes out the whole night. She said Gus just wanted to have some time with you but you are too busy with your work and Justin to even spare Gus a little time. I even reason out that maybe Justin wasn't feeling all too well but she said Justin was just fine but you both wanted to be left alone."

"Did you ask Gus if he tried to contact me and I said I didn't have the time?"

"Well, I didn't- but he seems fine this morning. I didn't hear him saying anything about you turning him down for wanting to hang out with you."

"Because it didn't happen, Mel. It wasn't what happened yesterday. Uh, listen, can we have this talk in person? If you are free for lunch I can meet you any place you want."

She was a little subdued but she answered, "Okay, I'll meet you at one in Subway near my building. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

And they met. Brian started to tell her what was happening since a few weeks ago when she unknowingly found out about the house in West Virginia. He told her about her advances and Mel was listening too avidly.

He related what had transcribed in his office the other day, leaving some personal issues between Lindsay and Melanie out. It wasn't his business anyway. He also had their conversation yesterday recorded in his phone but chose not to tell Mel about it. He would use it as his last resort. 

But until then, he'd just keep it a secret. Linds was still a friend, just like Mikey was. It must be hard for his two friends to see him become this good partner and husband to Justin. It was something his two friends hadn't even considered a possibility for him. 

Then, all of a sudden, they witnessed that he could be one. That had gotten them insane thinking it should have been them he was supposed to be committed with.

He knew they loved him for so long, it just that, he didn't love them the way they wanted him to. Even if Justin didn't come into his life, he never would've been with either of them. He wouldn't be with anyone, really, if it wasn't Justin.

Mel must've sorted it out with Lindsay because the next day, Friday, Mel called him and invited him and Justin to have dinner at their house that night.

They accepted and when they arrived, Lindsay was so apologetic and talked to both of them and said she didn't know what came over her to be thinking like that. Both Justin and Brian were skeptical but they accepted her apology and tried to have a nice night with Gus.

They all came to their manor the next day, even Michael, who was scowling most of the time. Lindsay's move was so calculated, and Brian thought, that was what he liked and at least appreciated with Mikey. What you see is what you get from him. You just need to look at his face and you know what he was feeling.

But Lindsay was the total polar opposite. She knew how to maneuver and make you think she was truly fine and apologetic, but Brian knew better. She would strike again, he knew that. And she'd do it when you least expected it.

For the mean time, he'd enjoy what he had in front of him. He'd also made sure to let Gus know that he and Justin would be available anytime to him. He could always go to them and tell them what he wanted or if something was bothering him.

The celebration was a success, Michael didn't try to say something that could throw him out of their house. He was scowling and giving Brian or Justin a glare or two when they gave their guests the tour for their house, but that was it.

Lindsay, on the other hand, was basking in everything she was seeing inside the house. She was even giving Mrs. Cariso orders as if she was the lady of the house. Brian could see the green monsters trying to escape while on the tour. She was gaping with envy when she saw Justin's studio that Brian really went all out for.

Gus was over the moon with his room and he went over to hug his dad and his Jus to say thank you and that it was really great. They didn't let anyone see the master bedroom and most of them didn't have any problems with it.

Weeks and months passed and Brian was working his butt off real hard and Justin was finishing his semester and doing his physical therapy almost every day. 

When their anniversary month came, they announced at Debbie's dinner that they would be gone for a month to have a vacation.

Mixed reactions met their announcement and they truly expected them. Michael just clenched his jaws and was silent for the whole evening and Lindsay was subtlety trying to pry for information.

"Oh, where will the Kinneys be tanning their asses now?" Emmett was clapping like he always did.

"Italy. We planned to spend our honeymoon there last year but there wasn't enough time. And so, Brian, arranged it for this year. It will be a dream come true to me." Justin excitedly said oblivious to the death glare of Michael and Lindsay's green eyed monsters.

"I'm sure it is. But is it really necessary to be gone for a month long? How about your businesses Brian? How about, Gus? On second thought, you know, it will be great for Gus to know other countries' cultures and architectures. Wouldn't you like to go to Italy, Gus?" Lindsay sweetly turned to his son.

"Nah. Dad already told me about this vacation and how it is important to him and Jus. It's their anniversary vacation, for god sake, mom. How would you think I will fit in? I don't want to spoil their time together." Gus, his almost ten years old son, maturely took on his mom.

"Honey, you will not spoil it. Of course, I'll be with you. You just can't go outside the country without your mother."

Mel snorted and sarcastically said, "Of course, why don't we just all go with Brian and Justin on their anniversary vacation? You know, Ted and Blake can choose the house for our stay and Eric can check the tourist spots and maybe Emmett can share the room with Justin because of course, you will be sharing Brian's room!" She was shouting at the end of her dialogue.

"Mel! What are you doing? Gus is here and he can hear everything you say!" Lindsay looked appalled.

"Gus is not stupid, Lindsay. You are blatantly using him to insinuate yourself on Brian's life. I guess, I should have known you will not surrender so easily. I never see you stooping this low, Linds. And it is so piteous to witness it." She stood up and kissed both Brian and Justin on their cheeks and asked Gus if he wanted to go home with her, which he agreed.

The dinner that night was disastrous to say the least. But Brian and Justin weren't going to dwell on something that they both couldn't control. They just make sure to call Gus and know he was at least doing all right.

The vacation was such a surreal time for them and it made them feel more closer to each other and appreciated what they both had. This trip was also the time they had done the final step to fully commit to each other.

He knew even just after he got married to Justin, that he still appreciated men's gorgeous bodies and asses. He occasionally liked to stare at them, but the urgency of pounding his cock in just anyone's ass, it hadn't been there since he'd gotten back with Justin.

After his surgery, and when they were back in Pittsburgh, Brian asked Justin if he'd want to try barebacking. Justin almost fainted when he learned Brian was seriously considering doing it raw with him.

He confessed to not tricking since October that year and they got married on the first week of March. He had been in the facility for two months and had been in Pittsburgh for nearly two weeks. Brian was already monogamous for eight months.

Justin, his level headed Justin, told him that he would love for them to do it raw. It was like the ultimate commitment they could give to each other after being married, but he wouldn't want them to just jump on it without thinking too hard.

He said that it was best to wait. He wanted Brian to know that whatever he'd decided, it wouldn't change anything.

Brian agreed in the end, he even appreciated the sentiments. It wasn't as if Justin didn't trust him, it was only a testament that his husband accepted him for who he was.

They waited for another year, and when Brian broached the subject again, he could see and feel the happiness radiate from Justin. He was so happy, too, he'd never ever thought that going monogamous would make him feel like that, but it did.

They had their first raw sex in Milan, Italy. It was the first morning of their first anniversary vacation. They arrived late at night and was so tired and sleepy that they just kissed and spooned to sleep.

Brian woke up the next morning with a hot wet tongue on his ass, lapping at it ardently and Brian was moaning and growling in a record time. When Justin sucked on his balls and stuck two fingers in his ass, Brian couldn't help but beg to his husband to just fuck him already.

Justin didn't comply. Instead he ran his tongue up tracing the veins on his cock to the tip and sucked on the pre-cum bubbling on it. He then proceeded to deep throat him, bobbing his head up and down.

Brian's eyes rolled to the back of his head arching his back thrusting his groin to Justin's mouth hitting the back of it with the tip of his cock. He was deliriously thrashing and fisting the sheets moaning like an animal in heat. 

He was so close to flipping Justin on his back and Brian would just Impale himself on his husband's cock. But then Justin held his thighs up exposing his hole. He positioned himself between it, spitting on his hand coating his cock with it and plunged in Brian's ass in one smooth motion.

Brian could still feel up to this very day the feeling and the sensation of being fucked raw for the first time. It was something that he never had before in his life. It was heavenly and euphoric and terrifyingly great. 

When Justin rammed in him so fast and so hard, kissing his mouth while growling into it, Brian thought he'd lost his mind. Then he felt it. He felt that hot sticky liquid coating his inside, it was running out of his asshole to the bed sheet. Holy fuck, and he hadn't even had cum yet. 

Justin stiffened on top of him for a while, then he slowly pulled out, cupping his hands on Brian's ass coating it with his cum that was still running out. He then palmed Brian's cock, who was incoherently moaning again, lubing it with his cum. 

And in seconds, Justin was impaling himself on his cock and rode Brian like he never had before. It was too much. He was sure he had passed out even just a second or two when he finally spilled his cum inside Justin's ass.

Goodness gracious, he wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

Their last night in Italy, they promised to each other that they would always make this month their yearly celebration. A celebration for life, love and happiness. 

However life would treat them in years to come, they would always save this month to be just together, just the two of them, in another country. They had promised this the night before his procedure, too, and they both vowed to keep it always possible.

Michael was starting to distance himself from Brian and Justin especially after they came back from Italy.

Ted confessed to Brian, months after their return from vacation, that he was with Michael one night and had enough to drink. Michael just started to tell him things that was just too personal.

He told Brian he wouldn't tell him a thing if he thought Brian didn't deserve to know. But Brian was also getting frustrated and a little hurt by this unreasonable treatment from his best friend.

Ted told him that Michael admitted to always being in love with Brian. It never went away even though he was married to Ben. He was threatened by Justin's position in Brian's life ten years ago but he wasn't really scared of it because he knew Brian would come to his senses and dump the little stalker in one way or another. And he was right. He said he expected it too.

When Justin was gone, Michael said Brian seemed to be okay and he even went on with his life just how it was supposed to be, drinking, drugging and tricking. He never mentioned Justin's name and never hooked up with the same guy twice again.

Michael was back to his dreamland thinking Brian and him would really be ending up together in Palm Spring when they retired, Brian had promised him that.

Six years past, his trysts with Justin was long forgotten and Brian seemed to be forgetting the twink too. Michael was so confident nothing would shake Brian and Michael's plan of growing old together. Not when they were both single and on the way to that retirement.

When Justin returned, he didn't see any positive reactions from Brian and Justin seemed to be not interested with Brian this time around. But he said he should've known better because he knew the twink always worked when nobody noticed it.

He said he knew he must've blackmailed Brian or used his ass to get to him again because Brian obviously wasn't interested in anyone anymore. The suspicion started when he 'thought' he saw Justin in Brian's Vette one morning. He wasn't really sure because Brian drove fast but he had this gut feeling that it was Justin.

He started looking for small clues and unfortunately he saw it was Brian who he noticed looking at Justin longer than he should have. While Justin was still remained unaffected by Brian.

That was what made Michael see red and a lot of green. Because he was sure Justin was doing some voodoo on Brian to make him smitten with Justin. Or that Justin had some sort of things to blackmail him.

It didn't make sense, said Ted, but it was what Michael believed to be the reason of him being with Justin. He wouldn't accept any reasons, even Ted had tried, but he still believed to this day that Brian was doing this out of coercion.

Michael also admitted to Ted that he had searched Brian's personal documents at the loft and tried to see if he could find something that could point to him why Brian had been acting so crazy. But Brian had found him going through his papers and got really angry with him.

He said, he couldn't believe Brian to just throw what they always promised each other since they were fourteen. But Brian was in deep trouble already because Justin was sick and the twink had forced him to get married.

Though, he thought if Justin wouldn't survive the surgery, Brian would be free again to be with him. But Justin made it, and Brian was still acting like he wanted to stay married to him. He didn't even spend some time with Michael since they were back in Pittsburgh. 

And that's why he was drinking because he knew Justin had his hold firmly on Brian's neck and he didn't know how to save his best friend anymore when said best friend was so brainwashed with the cancer shit and dying.

Then he was invited to the housewarming celebration and his head exploded when he saw the mansion Brian bought for Justin. It should be his, it should be him and Brian living in that monstrosity of a house, not Justin.

He couldn't take it anymore when he saw Brian pretending to be happy and ignoring Michael who he was supposed to be with, who he had promised a life with.

And so he distanced himself, letting Brian realize what it would feel like not being in Michael's constant company. He was sure Brian would run to him and forget about his farce of a marriage.

But it was already more than a year, and Brian and Justin just came back from their Italy vacation. Michael was furious to even sit for awhile on their first Sunday dinner with Deb since they arrived. It was an awkward moment to see Michael fuming and literally spitting fire through his nose in his every breath. Brian and Justin actually hadn't really analyzed it too much. They guessed, it became the norm to them.

In summer, they made their promise to Gus a reality by telling him he would be the one choosing their ten days vacation. He was so ecstatic and had chosen to go to Disney world. 

Brian wanted to disagree but Justin already enthusiastically agreed with Gus and even suggested they should ask Mel to let Jenny come with them. Gus was jumping up and down and Brian realized that he would always want to see that smile on both his husband and son's faces.

When they asked Mel, she was choked by the suggestion and was misty eyed when she looked at them. She agreed immediately and called Jenny to let her know that she was going with Brian, Justin and Gus to Disney world in a week from that day. She was shrieking in delight and was hugging Brian and Justin and ran upstairs to her room to call her best friend.

Lindsay was wisely not giving her two cents. It was just so Mel wouldn't throw a tantrum again, and honestly, they were both walking on a thin line these past few months. Their relationship was on edge and anything could be a trigger for it to finally crumble down. 

Lindsay, as much as she wanted to be with Brian, she also couldn't live without Mel. She was mostly the one who was keeping this family in decent clothes, a table full of food and the roof on their heads. Until Brian could be that to her and Gus, she couldn't just let Mel go.

Four days before their vacation, Michael came barging in to Brian's office shouting about how Brian didn't have the right to just swoop in and take his daughter anywhere he fancied to.

So, in the end, the trip to Disney world was canceled because Michael threw a tantrum, feeling like Brian and Justin were taking the opportunity from him to go with his daughter for her first time in Disney.

Jenny was crying day and night but Michael wouldn't hear any of it. Mel tried to explain to Michael that he and Jenny could always go anytime he was financially ready. In the meantime, they could just let her be with his brother, Brian and Justin to enjoy her summer.

Michael didn't agree and threatened to sue her if she would insist. Brian had tried too, but their discussion would always veer to its original problem, Brian abandoning their promised.

"For fuck sake, Michael, I was fourteen at that time and was constantly abused by my father. I never intended to be in a relationship whatsoever. Even me telling you about retiring in our old age, it wasn't as if I proposed to you that we should be together romantically. 

"It was about two old queens, waiting for their time to leave this world. Two old queens who were best of friends, who didn't want to die alone. You can't just hold my immature idea against me. And you shouldn't punish Jenny for something she wasn't even part of."

But, of course, Michael's stubbornness was far more important than Jenny's feelings. He ended up promising her to go next summer.

Debbie was so crushed for his two boys. She didn't want them treating each other like they were strangers, but goodness, she didn't have that much energy like she used to have. She had tried to reason out with Michael but he just turned around and left her house.

They ended up going to California. They stayed in LA and San Francisco for the duration of ten days. They actually had fun and visited Disneyland and many museums. The three of them enjoyed snorkeling and scuba diving lessons to actually diving. They also visited some underwater park.

Before Christmas came, Mel and Linds, announced that they had finally broken up. They just couldn't patch whatever rumple they were in. They sold the house and divided everything equally. They both found a two bedroom apartment and started living their lives separately.

Lindsay was trying to milk the situation by making Brian involved but then he stood his ground and laid his rules to her. He told her as Gus' father, he was responsible for Gus' well being but certainly not Lindsay's. 

And as to offer his assistance, he told her he'd pay half the rent's payment and would shop for Gus personally for anything he needed from clothes to his school needs. He'd have a delivery for some groceries every couple of weeks.

Lindsay was insisting that it was so unfair and so heartless of him to do that. She said she couldn't afford paying half of the rent and didn't have a decent job in so long. Telling him that Brian should at least house them in a four bedroom house and provide for them like the father he was.

Brian made it clear to her that he was taking care of Gus and only Gus. He advised Lindsay to start looking for a job that would help her pay her bills.

She was so furious and threatened to take Gus away. He said, he'd see her in court if that's what she wants.

It was a long struggled tug of war Brian had been in with Lindsay. She almost sued Brian seeking the help of her parents, but then Gus threatened to tell the judge that she was crazy and had been blackmailing his dad into marrying her.

In all this, Lindsay forgot that her son wasn't just a five year old child but was now eleven years old. He could fully understand what was going around him and he knew what his mother was trying to do.

That had stopped her from suing and began to at least redeem himself to Gus. Though, she continued to flash her green eyed monster especially when Brian and Justin would have relationship milestones. Like in the following week, the married couple was embarking on their yet another anniversary travel for a month to Switzerland.

When Justin graduated from PIFA, Brian had gifted him with a Mercedes Benz AMG GLS. It was a SUV that suited his need in hauling his art stuffs and canvasses. Justin was granted a driver's license just a few months before his graduation for not having an epileptic seizure for nearly three years.

They talked to Mel in summer, and this time they made sure not to let Jenny heard them, asking about visiting Disney world again. Gus wanted to go but the adults were not so sure if Jenny wouldn't be going with her father. If they would go they wanted to at least make sure Jenny was going too, even if it wasn't with them. They wouldn't want her to feel bad about not being able to go.

She said she'd try to talk to Michael, who now almost had no contact with Brian, to see if he'd be able to bring Jenny as he promised.

Few days later, Mel told them to go ahead with their vacation to Disney because Michael was bringing her in few weeks. She said Michael had already told Jenny of their coming father/daughter Disney adventure.

Brian, Justin and Gus had finally gone to Disney and it wasn't only the boy who had a lot of fun but the adults too.

Then summer gave way to fall and the school year had begun, but Michael hadn't been able to fulfill his promise to Jenny. It was disheartening to witness her looking dejected. Michael got into his 'point the blame to Brian and Justin' when Mel and Debbie called him out on backing out of his promise to her.

He got on with Brian being insensitive and tried to make him look bad in his daughter's eyes. How he wasn't loaded with money to just drop everything and go for a vacation. Mel had shouted back telling him that he shouldn't have promised her if he intended not to follow through or better yet think about Jenny for once and not just himself all the time.

That got another rift from the almost crumbling family's relationship. But Debbie stomped her feet down and told each and everyone of them that this family had been together for too long and had been through a lot already. They had always found a way to patch things up in the past and they would just continue doing so.

Three years from Justin's successful procedure, he started to have a small showing of his arts in a small various galleries. It started with Sydney Bloom just after Justin's graduation. Sydney contacted him because he saw the exhibit at PIFA for the graduating students.

He said it was Justin's work who had captured his attention and now he was asking if he had other work that he could see. He was interested in including him on his 'Featuring New Artists' that would run on Summer.

Sydney was so impressed with his work especially after knowing what he'd been through for the past years. In the end, he selected six canvasses to show with three new artists in the month of August.

That had gotten the attention of another manager of small gallery, but this time it was located in New York. They wanted six canvasses too to be shown in the month of December. And it was a domino effect since then.

On their fourth year anniversary that they spent in Australia and New Zealand, Brian had another gift for Justin that had changed their lives forever.

On their last night in Auckland, Brian handed his husband a parcel with a pink bow. Justin was laughing and told him that he didn't need another car and Brian should just keep the money for his new Armani collection.

Brian was looking at him with this intense gaze that somehow made Justin's heart race in just a matter of seconds.

"Open it. It's not a car. It's far more valuable than that." Brian told him leading them to the bed to sit on the foot of it.

Justin's hands shook a little. He didn't know what he'd find in that parcel and hoping it wouldn't be anything bad. Well, Brian told him it was valuable than his Benz. He bought him another house, maybe? But they didn't need a new one. He loved what he had now, they loved Britin.

When he opened it, it was an appointment to a clinic. He felt the air had been knocked out of his body and he was gasping just after few seconds. Brian was on him and telling him what the appointment really was and stopped panicking because he was freaking Brian out.

"Wha-what?" Justin breathlessly asked.

"I said, it is a fertility clinic. It's been four years, and you already graduated, have a career... So... I thought, it's the right time to have a.... baby?" Brian was looking at him hopefully. Justin's heart was leaping and he felt so happy. 

"This for real?" He asked, voice and face in pure ecstasy.

Brian nodded and hugged his husband kissing his temple lovingly. "You're already thirty, don't you think you're ready to get pregnant?"

Justin pushed him lightly and chortled, "Brian!" Then he wrapped his arms on Brian's waist. "I can't believe this. We really are going to have a baby!"

Brian nodded his head. "Yeah, we need to choose the surrogate though. I had narrowed it down to blondes, blue eyes with artistic talents."

"Are you serious?"

He nodded again, "One girl is a ballet dancer, another is a sculptor, I think we have a photographer, a romance novel writer and a student in astrophysics. Ages from 25 to 29."

"Oh my god, this is the best gift ever." Justin got teary eyed and Brian kissed him on his lips.

"Are you ready to be papa?" That made Justin cry even more. He nodded his head enthusiastically to answer Brian.

"Thank you, Brian. Thank you so much."

"I love you, baby."

They made the appointment after coming back to Pittsburgh. And after a few weeks, they chose Elise, the photographer, to be their surrogate. She was 27 and had been living a healthy lifestyle since college. She was witty too that made Justin missing his long lost best friend, Daphne.

The good news that Elise was on the way, came just after three weeks of the in vitro procedure. They had it on the first week of July and by the end of the month, Elise was already pregnant. It amazed them to know that they could even select a specific gender for their baby.

They broke the news about the addition to their family over the end of summer. They were just from a week vacation to Indianapolis, Indiana. Yeah, it was Gus' idea to go to a car racing competition because at 13, he already knew what he wanted to be when he got older, to be a car racer.

They told Gus while they were in Indiana and the kid was happy to know that he'd have another sibling, and this time, the baby was blood related too. Brian made sure to explain though, blood related or not, if they were parented by him and Justin, his mom or by his mama Mel, they would still be Gus' siblings.

Gus was old enough to understand it and they went back to Pittsburgh to break the news to the remaining cast of the gang.

Of course, as expected, it was met with mixed reactions. Ted, Blake, Eric, Cam-Eric's partner for two years-, Emmett, Mel, Jess, Debbie and Vic were all happy to receive the news. Debbie flew out of her chair and hug both Justin and Brian giving them a loving kiss on their heads.

Even Danny, Lindsay's boyfriend for three months, congratulated them for their good news. Michael looked like he was ran over by a twelve wheeler truck. He could almost see the formation of tears in his eyes. Justin, somehow, knew what was going on in his head. 

He knew Michael just didn't or couldn't move on from his childhood fantasy, and Justin could just imagine himself loving Brian that long, fantasizing about him, then all of a sudden someone swooped in and took Brian away.

He would despise that person too. And Michael had been honest with his true feelings against him since the start.

Lindsay though, was his biggest shocked. He had never thought she could be this cruel. Her hostility came out after his birthday dinner at Debbie's over four years ago, when Brian admitted to all about their relationship status. They all had witnessed him asking Justin for another chance, asking Justin to marry him.

It was like, Brian had opened the Pandora's box, and she just realized that her dream to be with her one true love could somehow come true.

Then she saw how Brian became this ideal boyfriend/husband-Brian, and she just couldn't help visualizing herself and him in a loving marriage with Gus and maybe another on the way.

The images were too good that she became desperate to make it come true, which in the end, cost her her marriage and Brian.

Now, her face was flushing and was glaring daggers at Jess, who was sitting on Brian's other side happily talking to Justin that she had to lean a little bit to Brian to hear her cousin better.

"Did you fuck her?"

Everyone had gone quiet and Mel called her name in between clenched teeth but it was ignored by Lindsay.

"Answer me, Brian! Did you fuck her?"

"Lindsay, what are you talking about?" Brian asked in irritation. He knew this would happen but he was still hoping to be wrong, even just this once.

"Her?!" She yelled pointing her fork at Jess who flinched and had her eyes bugged out from shock. "Did you fuck to impregnate her? Did she and Justin force you to do this with her?"

Brian was so mad he narrowed his eyes at her. "She has a name, Lindsay. She is Jessica. And what is it to you if I fucked her again and again until she gets pregnant? Do I need to get your permission for me to stick my dick in another pussy?"

"Brian! The children!" Melanie hissed. Then Vic stood up to take Gus, who was already on a verge of tears, and Jenny who tightly clutched on Vic's hand.

"Lindsay, honey, stop this nonsense. You are with Danny and you two are great together. Don't do this, honey." Debbie told her in a soothing mothering voice, trying to calm her down.

"I'm afraid, we can't share good news like this again at this table, Debbie. It would always end up this way. I don't know why we can't all just move on and be happy with our lives. We can't pass through this shit and we would just go round and round in circles if you'd always react like a jilted wife, Lindsay." Brian was flushing too. He was too tired of this shit.

"I'm the mother of your child! Your only child!"

"But you are not my wife. You never were, never will be. I'll be having another child, mine and Justin's. And you just have to deal with that."

Danny shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable and upset. "Brian, you don't have to be so crass--"

"So, now what? Those two are sharing your bed? It must be true that being a slut runs in the blood."

Brian dropped his utensils on his plate clanking it loudly then looked at Lindsay straight in her eyes.

"You don't get to insult my family, especially my husband. I don't care what you think, or what you do with your life, but just get the hell away from my family. For your information, Jess isn't our surrogate. And even if she is, or even if I fucked her, it is none of your fucking business. Get a grip, Linds."

So, the night was ruined yet again. But everyone seemed to be immune already and just moved on after that evening.

Elise was due on the second week of April and Brian and Justin convinced her to live with them at the manor when she was in her last trimester.

They also had their anniversary vacation on the whole month of March to South Africa. Though, their vacation had cost them thousands of dollars on phone bills alone, it was all worth it.

Bianca Isabelle Kinney was born on April 17, 2014. "Brian, are you sure she is biologically yours? She looks just like her papa." Emmett summed up what she exactly looked like. She only had a shade darker than Justin's blond hair.

She became the light and heart of Brian and Justin's little family, even Gus adored her very much. As she grew older both fathers tried to have the best time with both their children and they became even closer.

Brian was at the point in his life where he couldn't ask for more. He constantly found himself thinking of what he had done in his life to be given such a great gift. To deserve such a beautiful life.

Justin was his anchor, his beacon of hope, his heart and soul. He was simply his life. Justin was both his strength and his weakness, and praise to the one who gave human life, he had given them years and years of happiness together. Even after what had happened with Justin and his bouts against cancers, it was a life anyone could ever ask.

Bianca coming into their lives just solidified what had already been a great marriage. They maintained their own privacy and never let hectic schedules hinder their lives.

He and Justin still had their yearly month long vacation. At first, they were so hesitant to be away from Bianca and contemplated to skip it for few years. But then, Brian told Justin that they had promised themselves they'd do it every single year.

They talked to Jess and Emmett about this and they had all decided that Justin and Brian should just go ahead with their plan. They came to the conclusion that Justin should seek his mom and his sister's help. It was a great way for them to be with the baby and this way, they could kill two birds in one stone. Then both Jess and Em would stay at Britin with Nana Jen, Molly and the nanny to help with the care of the ten month old Bianca.

After that year, it became like a tradition that Nana Jen and Molly would visit for a month while the couple were going on their vacations. Jess and Emmett were always there to help them.

When Bianca was six, Molly got married to a French guy she met while vacationing in Paris. She moved to France after the wedding and Jen was convinced by both Brian and Justin to stay with them back in Pittsburgh.

Michael found a new partner, both in business and personal, when he was 44. The guy was named, Tony, an entrepreneur who wanted to invest with Michael. They met in a comic convention that spring and obviously hit it off right from the beginning.

Unfortunately, the relationship only lasted for over a year and Tony moved to another state. After couple of years, he started seeing Dr. David again, who came to his store after just few weeks of moving back from Oregon.

He was in his late fifties and had been retired from his profession for a year already. Michael kind of settled with him just for the sake of companionship. He had moved in to David's house after a few months of seeing each other.

Emmett, had a serious relationship once, meaning he had been with the same man for over a month. He was with a German named, Klaus, who was a client for his still booming party planning business.

They were together for almost three years and for Emmett's standard, it was already his forever. Unfortunately, Klaus' mom, who had Alzheimer's, needed his only son in Munich. They separated on good terms, it just wasn't meant to be, according to Emmett himself.

Drew hadn't contacted Emmett even once. Even Emmett didn't think he was ever coming back, not when Drew had officially announced his relationship to an actor, Matt Baker, just a few years after Bianca was born.

Ted and Blake got married when Bianca was only four years old. She was their flower girl and Michael had attended with his new or not so new beau David. It was their first time to go out publicly together. Debbie's blood pressure got a little bit high when she found out his son was back with his arrogant chiropractor.

The newly wedded couple had lived contentedly. Blake continued to be a drug counselor and volunteered to numerous other non profit organizations that helped people who weren't able to fight the battle against drugs and alcohol.

Eric was married to his long time partner, Oliver. The ending of his five years relationship with Cam had made him miserable for a while. Justin became his confidante and you could even call them 'best friends'. His feelings for his boss had long been buried deep down in his heart. He understood that some things in life were just not meant to be and he was okay with it.

He met his husband in one of Kinnetik's functions and Oliver was a guest that time. He gave Eric his phone number but he didn't call. He thought Eric wasn't interested, but the fact was, he was still hurting over Cam. It was only five months since the breakup.

After seven months, they literally bumped in a restaurant downtown, and Eric was kind of moving on already and they agreed to see each other. They dated for four years and got married just after Bianca turned 7. Of course, she was their flower girl. 

They adopted a four year old little girl, Lauren, after two years of being married.

Mel was living with her long time partner, Cassandra, too. They shared one son, Isaac, which Cassie carried for them. She was seven years younger than her but she was already forty when she delivered their son. It was the time when Gus was entering his freshman year in college.

Jess was also married to Harvey, the son of the owner of Woody's. They met, of course, in Woody's in one of the gangs' outings. It was the time when Elise was pregnant with Bianca and Jess thought Harvey was gay, bar tending one of the gayest bar in the country.

Harvey thought, too, that she was a dyke and just looked from a far appreciating her beauty. Then he overheard her and Justin talking while ordering drinks for their table. He heard Justin said to her, "Jess, you should give him a second date. How can you know him better with only one date?" Harvey felt like he just won a lottery and he started to court her.

They dated for three years and got married just a year before Ted and Blake. They didn't produce any offspring though until after four years of marriage. They have two sons, Kiefer and Kieran who were only 11 months apart, almost like a twin.

Through all this, Brian was euphoric and felt so blessed with everything that he had. It didn't mean, that he and Justin were spared with some heartaches of their own, though. They were in fact, only humans, and inevitably took a left turn in one time or another.

Brian started cutting down his hours at the office since Justin's operation. He wanted to spend some time with Justin and it made him feel better to give his husband a ride to and from his classes.

But as years went by, and with the increasing demand of his work, sometimes, he couldn't just avoid the stress his work brings.

Brian never claimed to be a saint. And in all the years he was with Justin, he couldn't say he hadn't been tempted to trick, because he had. 

On one occasion, he was even this close to sticking his dick in a hot twenty year old Latino while on a two day business trip to Texas. His sheathed cock was already lubed and the guy's hot ass was up on air in his bed, on all fours, begging Brian to fuck him hard and fast.

He believed he was experiencing a mid-life crisis when he almost fucked that guy. He had just turned 45 and Bianca was only over three years old. They had this routine at home for a while now, like waking up at six with no sex, waking up to Bianca's wailing, making breakfast every other day, or settling the kid down and dressed her up for the day.

He'd go to work, go home and had dinner with his husband. Reading his baby her bedtime stories, making sure she's asleep, then he'd have a passionate love makings with Justin.

He loved his life, god knows he loved his family and everything in it. But sometimes, or maybe it had always been there at the back of his mind, he'd missed just being not on schedule and just be his wild self.

And so, for a number of years, he looked-yes- but hadn't even thought of tricking. Even when he had thought of it in very few occasions, like the one in Texas, it wasn't because he wasn't satisfied with Justin anymore. Because, god knows he was, he really, really was, but it was something that was burning at the back of his mind.

He was kind of feeling so low about himself for a while when he realized he was soon to be 45. He had this unsettling feeling that he really couldn't explain kept gnawing in his gut.

All of a sudden, he felt a little suffocated, a little monotonous and he didn't like the extra lines on his face that he saw on the mirror.

When the trip came, he looked forward for a bit of fun, not that he couldn't have fun in Pittsburgh, because they go out sometimes too. He already planned going out to a bar or club in Texas as soon as he stepped into the VIP lounge at the airport.

After his presentation and wowing his clients with his brilliance, it left him feeling bold and insouciant. He went out looking for that bit of fun that he was craving.

He ended up in one of the few gay clubs in Houston, basking in all the appreciative glances and blatant advances, eyeing the hottest ones he saw. It really made him feel good about himself and got a little nostalgic too.

A hot, young Latino, with olive skin and chiseled jaw approached him and asked him for a dance. The excitement was overwhelming and Brian found himself groping and grinding the guy on the dance floor.

They were necking and dry humping for the duration of two songs, then Latino boy asked if he was interested in finishing it in bed. Brian grabbed him and drove them to his hotel.

They were onto each other as soon as the elevator door closed and Brian was so out of it that he hadn't even realized he was kissing back when the guy went for his mouth.

They were out of their clothes just seconds after his hotel door was shut. Brian, high with pheromones, was sucking the guy's tongue while backing him to the bed.

When the guy's legs hit the bed, he held on to Brian and they both fell to the comfortable mattress without taking their mouths off of each other. Brian gripped on to the guy's hair mapping every crevice inside his mouth, enjoying the appreciative moans and the demand to fuck his ass already.

He flipped Latino boy on his stomach, searching his wallet for the packet of lube and condom. It was so ironic that Justin was the one insisted that they both had to have an emergency supply.

He squirted a dollop of lubricant on to his two fingers and shove it to the guy's quirking hole. Latino settled himself in all four, rocking his body in rhythm with Brian fingering him.

He was telling him that he was ready and demanded to shove his cock inside. He was moaning, "God, you're so good... Fuck my tight ass, come on..."

Brian donned the condom on his cock and coated it with lube. He positioned himself to the guy's ass holding his sheathed cock with his right hand and just placed his left one on the guy's lower back.

He was about to plunge in when the ring on his left hand caught the light. It was like, the light sparked from it, had sliced into his consciousness. In a matter of seconds, lust turned to guilt, as excitement turned to desolation.

"... I will always love you, Brian..."

An image of beaming Justin had flashed inside his head. The looked in his eyes, so open, so trusting and loving.

He was whacked upside down by the reality of what he had done. His heart was clenching and gripping with regret and despair. He felt his blood run cold.

The guy was complaining and was looking back at him when he didn't move after a while. "Come on, man. Don't do this epiphany shit when you are just about a second away from fucking me. This is cruel...."

Cruel? What was cruel was doing this to the man he loved, the only man he had ever loved. Who was now at home taking care of their little girl without any complaints while he was here...god, dear god, what had he done?

Minutes passed and he was still looking at his ring sitting with his soft but still sheathed dick. The guy turned on the bed facing him and nudged him with his knee.

"Shit, man. I know you are married, I saw your ring when you drank the beer at the bar. I don't care if you are, we are just having a little fun, is all. So, come on... I'm still so horny."

Brian looked up to him with guilt written all over his face. He swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "You better go now..."

"What?!" Latino sat abruptly looking incredulous. "I can't believe this shit! Look, why don't we just continue what we already started. You obviously intended to cheat on your spouse when you were sex hunting at the club earlier. You already did it--"

"I said get out." He said with more conviction, but honestly, he knew what the guy said was right. He was right to point out to him that he was obviously on prowl that night. He was looking for his prey in the club and was obviously intending to have anonymous sex with anyone. 

He was about to ruin a beautiful marriage to a beautiful man, and just for what? A few hours of pleasure? The much needed boost for his self confidence, that at 45, he could still attract younger studs to his bed? It was so petty and superficial that made him sick to his stomach. 

The sad thing was, as he realized his stupid slip-up, Justin would still be forgiving. He'd be hurting, that's for sure, but Brian always knew that Justin understood him like no one else can. He'd know the real reason behind his actions, he always did. 

But it didn't mean his husband wouldn't be heartbroken about it, and that was what Brian regretted the most. He didn't know what came over him to even contemplate cheating on Justin. Whatever his reasons were, whether he fucked the guy or not, it really didn't matter, he was still going to hurt his husband. He was still going to lose his trust.

He was jolted back from his inner turmoil by the slamming of the door. He was still looking at his ring for a while more before standing up to use the shower. He scrubbed his skin like he wanted it to fall off his body and he threw up a bit after realizing he had been sucking the guy's mouth since they rode the elevator.

He couldn't really think straight, and all he wanted to do was to go home to Justin.

He called the airline after showering and rescheduled his flight for that night instead of the next afternoon.

He got into Pittsburgh by three in the morning and he was entering their lawn before four. He parked his car in his usual spot and just sat there with the engine off.

He couldn't get the courage to get in his home and face his husband of eight years just to tell him he had broken his trust in him. He couldn't bear to see the pain in Justin's eyes when he would tell him what he had done. 

And it was all because of some stupid low self esteem rooted from a few lines on his fucking face and that nostalgic shit that had been cooping up in his fucking mind. Nothing was worth more than his family, nothing was worth more than Justin.

He was startled when the passenger door was opened and Justin sat beside him and closed the door. He was looking worriedly at him but Brian refused to take his eyes off from staring at the darkness in front of him.

"Brian..." Justin's voice was shaky, "You are scaring me, Brian. Please, tell me what happened."

Brian bit the inside of his cheeks as he was trying not to let his tears out.

"Hey, if this is about the account, it's okay, you know. There are still plenty of opportunities coming in. Brian... Please."

He couldn't take it anymore and he shook his head with tears running down his face. He wiped it on his sleeve and Justin was stroking his back lovingly.

"Brian..."

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Justin. I'm really sorry." He finally said, putting his head on his arms that was gripping the steering wheel. "I'm so sorry."

"Brian?" He tentatively asked, he knew Justin would draw his conclusion to his break down in seconds. "Wha-- ? Oh, god..." His voice had cracked. "....no." He whispered, voice full of pain and it was like a dagger stabbing straight to Brian's heart.

"I'm sorry." That was all he could think of saying to his crying husband. What else could he possibly have said to him than sorry? Even a million sorry wasn't enough, he knew that.

They sat there, letting their tears run down their faces and contained themselves a little. It was Justin, the stronger of the two, who had broken the silence.

"We should get inside. You need to sleep. We can talk again later today or tonight, okay?" He said softly to Brian and turned to open the door. Brian reached for his hand, Justin stopped and turned to him with questioning and painful eyes.

"I love you." He whispered. 

Justin stared at him for few seconds, nodded his head and murmured a soft, "Yeah, I know."

Brian went inside their home after half an hour more of sitting in his car. When he came inside their bedroom, Justin wasn't there. He went down to the kitchen, living room and to his studio, but Justin wasn't in any of them.

He began to panic, but when he went up the stairs again, he immediately knew where Justin would be in, Bianca's room.

He gently opened the door and what he saw just broke his heart into pieces. Bianca was lying on top of Justin's chest, both were sleeping soundly. Bianca was sucking on her thumb while drooling on her papa's shirt.

He could see the tension lines on Justin's face that he'd never seen since they were married. It tugged on his heart knowing it was him who put it on there.

He left the room with heavy heart and went to their bedroom to try to get some sleep. He thought he'd just closed his eyes when his little darling came in to the room and lying her small body on top of his chest.

When he opened an eye to peek at her, she was looking at his stubble and trying to feel them on her fingertips. Brian stared at his baby girl, who had blonde hair and blue eyes. His chest felt that familiar warmth that she always brings to him and Justin.

Justin.

"Hey, baby girl, did you miss, daddy?" He asked softly because she was still concentrating on sticking her little fingers on his chin.

She looked up and lit up when she saw him awake. "Daddy!" She scoot forward to kiss his lips. "I so missed you, daddy."

"I missed you, too, sweetheart."

"Papa misses you, too. We watched Yellow Summarin last night." Brian bit his lower lip. Justin always watched The Yellow Submarine with Brian even when he was only seventeen. He even told him once that it was their movie.

"I love papa so much, you know. Just like I love you, too, so much."

She was innocently nodding her head. "And Gussy, too."

"Yeah, and Gus, too. The three of you are daddy's whole world."

When they went down to kitchen, Justin was flipping the pancakes. He greeted them with a warm smile and Brian went to hug him from behind and kissed his cheek. Justin gently tapped his arm that was on his waist to acknowledge him.

They sat down to eat and Justin was a little attentive to Bianca. He noticed that his husband just ate half of his pancakes, which he normally had two servings every day.

"What are your plans today?" He asked Justin who was refilling Bianca's milk.

He looked up to him and kind of mentally searching his head. He shook it a little and said, "Tanya is coming at eight to bring Bianca to her ballet class. Em called last night and said he has his rare off day today asking for his favorite niece even for just a few hours after her class." He wiped a spill of maple syrup on the table.

"Aside from going to the local store down the road, I'd be in my studio the whole day."

Tanya was Bianca's nanny, working everyday except on Sunday, from eight to four.

Brian nodded his head, "I need to go to the office this morning, and maybe we can..." He paused to glance on his daughter. "...talk tonight?"

Justin froze up from cutting Bianca's pancake. He got visibly tense but nodded his head without looking at Brian. "Okay." He whispered.

Brian went up to take a shower and get dressed for his work. When he went down, Justin was talking to Tanya instructing her about Emmett's request. Bianca was doing her pirouette move trying not to fall down. 

She was so adorable donned in her pink tutu dress, with her hair up in a bun. Brian swooped her up in his arms and kissed her cheeks. She was giggling and talking a mile a minute.

Justin saw them all to the door, giving Bianca a kiss to her nose and pecked Brian on his lips. He waved a little to them when they were in their cars but closed the door even before Brian could back off from his parking spot, which Justin never did before.

It was killing Brian to see Justin trying his best to act as normal as he could in front of their daughter, when in fact, he was so crushed inside.

Brian promised himself to make it up to his husband. He would die trying to win Justin's trust back. He'd prove to him that he would always be the love of Brian's life.

He went to Kinnetik and gave the contract to Cynthia. She was kind of taken aback seeing him when she thought his flight wouldn't be leaving until after lunch that day. It was specifically Brian's request.

She wisely didn't ask him about it and just updated her boss about some things that had happened the other day.

Brian tried to clear his head and concentrated on his work the whole two hours he was in his office. But he was really distracted to the point he wasn't even seeing the letters he was reading. Everything was just messed up and Brian didn't even know how to begin to fix it.

He decided to just go home and maybe he could talk to Justin. They were both miserable and it was killing them inside.

When he opened their door, he was so sure that his husband would be in his studio as he told him earlier. So, he went up to their room and changed into his white tee and jeans.

He went straight to the studio to find his husband, but when he knocked, no one had come to open the door. He turned the knob and found it was unlocked, but Justin wasn't in there.

He thought that Justin must be still in the store just a few miles away and proceeded to go to the living room and maybe take a shot or two of beam. But as he came closer to their living room, he heard a faint sound coming from the media room.

He veered his way to the media room that was on the end of the hallway. The sound was the piano that Justin owned given by their friends for his 30th birthday.

The door was almost closed but you could still peep in it. When he did, he found his husband playing the keys and singing softly.

//... For it's true, you are my destiny  
When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do, You're my dream come true  
My one and only you...//

Brian was listening to Justin, looking through the narrow opening of the door. But then Justin started to choke up as he was singing the song.

Brian's eyes started to sting and he leaned his head on the door frame as his strength was leaving him.

Justin ended his song sobbing onto his hands as Brian moved inside the room and sat beside his husband hugging him tightly in his arms.

They both cried for the pain in their hearts. Both knew that this was going to cause a crack in their marriage. A crack that if not handled right would continue to get deeper until the whole thing would just crumble down on their feet.

They both wouldn't want that to happen. That was why they were so terrified and aching for what this might bring to their family in the future.

"I'm so sorry, Justin. I know it's not enough but I am truly sorry. I will not justify what I did because I know it won't change a thing. But, baby, I want you to know that it wasn't because of you. I swear, Justin." Brian said to his husband after they cried for some time. He pulled away to look at him in the eyes, they wanted them to talk about this. He was desperate for them to sort his mistake out. 

"I'm scared, Brian. I'm scared what this could do to our family. I don't want to lose you and Bianca. I don't think that I can survive that--" he said wiping his eyes as fresh tears were rolling on his face.

"We won't let that happen. I love you and Bianca and nothing in this world can ever change that. Nothing. I am really sorry for what I had done. I know it's not easy for you to trust me again, but, Justin, I am begging you-- to please believe me that this wasn't because I don't love you anymore or I wanted out of our marriage. That would never happen. Do you understand?"

Justin nodded his head and hugged Brian tightly. "Yeah, I understand. I won't let that happen, too. You and Bianca are my reasons for living, I don't want to live without the two of you, Brian."

They stayed holding each other after that and when Justin's stomach rumbled, they prepared a lunch and ate together in their media room watching some old movies.

Bianca and Tanya came after three in the afternoon and found his daddies napping on the sofa hugging each other.

When the time they were all settled to retire for the night, Brian led his husband to their bed and started to make love to him. Justin was responding just like he always did when Brian initiated an intimate moments with him.

But after Brian prepared him, lifting the back of his thighs in preparation for his penetration, Justin turned to his bedside table and opened the drawer. He blindly searched for something inside and handed it to Brian after finding it.

Brian was so thrown by seeing the thing that Justin was handing him. It was a pack of condom. He stared down to his husband's face and saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes. God, they had been doing it raw for seven years and he ruined it in just a snap of fingers.

But he couldn't turn back time even how much he wanted to, they just have to move on from there. They have to move on and try to put back the pieces that he had broken. He wouldn't let it tear his family apart.

It was a few moments before he took the condom from Justin's hand. He didn't fuck the guy the other night, though he had kissed him but he stopped before he could penetrate him. 

In his mind, there wasn't really any difference if he had or hadn't stuck his dick in the guy's ass, he still cheated. He still had another man's hands touching his body, another man's tongue inside his mouth, and he brought another man to his bed with all the intention of fucking him six ways from Sunday.

He opened the condom by his teeth and he put it on his dick lathering some lubricant on it. All the while, Justin was just observing him quietly. And he rested his hands on Brian's biceps as he pushed his sheath cock in him.

It felt a little different yet still the same. It was just too long that they had been doing it without any barriers between them, but for Brian it was still Justin and for Justin it was still his Brian. 

They might not have that extra hot sensation when his bare dick met the hot linings of Justin's ass. But it was still them, and they always made each love making a special one for them. It would always be like that, regardless if it was bareback or not.

Brian spared Justin the details of his slip up. Justin didn't ask for it. Brian noticed though as days and weeks had passed, that Justin always telling him that he'd always be the most gorgeous man for him. A few wrinkle lines and gray hairs wouldn't change what he felt since he was seventeen.

For Brian, he'd taken it as Justin's way of saying 'I'd still love you even if you are old and gray. You'd still be beautiful to me.'

And that was the most important, right? The opinion of the only man that mattered, and not of those who only wanted a piece of Brian Kinney.

They both had tried to move on from that painful phase of their relationship and somehow Brian did his best to win back his husband's trust. He knew Justin had forgiven him, and he was so thankful for that, but he wanted his trust back.

That was about the time when Gus went to live with them. It was before his 17th birthday and came to Britin on Saturday morning with a split lip. He said he had a huge fight with his mom's boyfriend, Owen. Brian's mind just flipped off and drove off to Lindsay's apartment.

Lindsay was on to him as soon as he entered her door. She was yelling how Gus was adapting Brian's rude behaviors and that the kid shouldn't be tolerated to runaway whenever there was a misunderstanding.

Brian was so mad that he wanted to slap Lindsay for her to wake up from her madness. "Your boy toy hit my son, your son! Why are you shouting at me and not to Owen? You are crazy for letting anyone hit my kid, Lindsay. If you will just sit and let it happen, well, I won't. Where is he? Where is Owen?"

Owen, at that exact moment, came in from the front door with two six packs of beer in both his hands. He threw the cans on the sofa and rushed to Brian pushing him on his chest that made him stumbled back a little.

Brian pushed back and Owen started his tirade about Gus. Brian was steaming and he couldn't help but threw a punch at the guy's mouth after calling his son some awful names. Owen retaliated with his own punch that hit Brian on his left jaw.

That was the time when Justin came barging in and went straight to Brian. He helped him stand up and pushed his husband away from Owen. Brian couldn't believe Lindsay just stood there and didn't even react when her boyfriend was cursing Gus.

"Tell that little shit not to come back here if he will continue being stupid. He should know how to--" Owen started to say but Brian cut him off.

"Don't worry your sorry ass, you leech, my son is not coming back to this smelly dump. We are not stepping on your doorstep ever again."

"Brian, you can't take my son just like that! You have no right. It's your fault he has grown to be so rude and irresponsible!"

"I have no right to take my son from you? But your leech boyfriend has the right to hit him? You are crazy, Lindsay. You two better not try to come near my son. I'm going to Melanie now, I'm telling her to file for child abuse and domestic violence against you and your leech."

"Don't you dare bring Melanie into this! She doesn't have the right either. I'm Gus' mother!"

"Then act like one. But until then, you stay away from him."

Brian and Justin went directly to Melanie from Lindsay's apartment. She came with them to see Gus for herself and went ballistic when she saw him with the split lip. 

She went to Lindsay after and told her that she would be filing a case against Lindsay and Owen if she would continue to harass Gus from living with his dads. And Gus was almost 17, in a year, he had the right to choose where and whom he wanted to live with. She was hundred percent sure, it wasn't with his mom.

And as months progressed, with the four of them living in the house, Brian finally felt that Justin was finally moving on from the predicament that they had for a while. They both tried to get passed through that difficult time and had succeeded.

Lindsay was boycotting them all and didn't attend any family events, not until six months later. Vic had died from the complication of his sickness. He had been living with AIDS for so long that one of his medicine had affected his liver and that caused most of his major organs to collapse.

It was a sad day for their whole family to be burying their father figure to rest. But in some way, it was a relief for them all to know that Vic was now without pain. He had suffered too much already and the family just wanted him to be free of that.

Lindsay started to come over and they had known that she broke up with Owen a couple of months ago. He was now in jail for attempted murder filed by one of his friends that he intentionally hit with his car.

When it was time for Justin and Brian's yearly honeymoon vacation, Brian surprised his husband with their Greece destination. 

He said that when they were there on their honeymoon before, they hadn't explored the country that much. He said he wanted them to check Mykonos, Athens, Crete and of course Lesbo. He said he also wanted to be in Santorini where they had their first love making as a married men.

Justin knew that Brian just wanted him to know that he'd been so remorseful about what happened almost a year ago. Justin was truly beyond it, because somehow, he understood where his husband was coming from.

He was kind of transported back to when he first saw Brian. He was this no regret, no apologies, stud of Liberty avenue, who was so promiscuous and fucked his tricks only once.

Now, he was this responsible and loving father to Gus and Bianca and a great husband to him. It was crazy if you really think about it.

Brian handed him a laboratory result their first night in Santorini and Justin didn't say a word to him. He just slowly removed his clothing and walk nakedly to his gasping husband to remove his shirt and boxers off of him.

It was his way of accepting Brian's apology, his regret of betraying Justin's trust, and his promise of love to him. That was what matters to Justin, as long as Brian still loved him, they would always find a way to reconcile. 

Humans bound to commit mistakes, that was inevitable, he too had cheated on Brian their first two years together. Brian took him back when he came to Pittsburgh after he ran away for six years.

Lindsay, got married once, too. His name was Warren, a salesman in Big Q. He was 39 years old, eight years younger than Lindsay. They went to Vegas to have fun but ended up being married after a night of debauchery.

Warren was an extreme womanizer. Lindsay hadn't even attended Gus' high school graduation because she was arrested for aggravated assault of one of Warren's mistresses. Lindsay apparently, followed her husband one night when he went to one of his girlfriends.

She came back the next day and threatened the girl, who was only twenty two years old. She said, Lindsay came with an empty bottle of champagne, broke the bottom half of the bottle on her wall, then pointed the sharp edges at her.

Well, since the death of her mother, that was only few months before her marriage to Warren, Lindsay had lived the life of a princess. She received half the net worth of her parents' fortune a month after the reading of her will. It was 50-50 with her sister.

She immediately resigned from her work as a hotel receptionist and sold her small apartment. She bought a bigger one, with four bedrooms and a studio and a pool. She called Gus and asked him to live with her again, but he refused.

She met Warren after that and accidentally got married. The Union of the two wasn't as accidental as everyone wanted to believe it to be, according to the residence gossip queen, Emmett.

She was married to Warren until she was 52. He divorced her and even got half of her fortune, the one she inherited from her parents.

After the divorce, she needed to sell the house and bought a smaller one with only three bedrooms, but it was still on a street where only above average people could afford to live.

Years had passed, Gus graduated from college and Brian was so ecstatic that he bought his first born a Porsche 718 Boxster. It was so great to know that his son had shared his passion in advertising and had been interning for Kinnetik in the last three years.

Brian was fully intending to let him take his seat in few years. He was already 51 and wanted to retire before he hit 60. If he was being honest, he already wanted to retire in three years. He wanted to be with his husband, every minute and every second of his day.

A few months after Gus' graduation, Debbie got sick and contacted pneumonia. Her illness had escalated from there and she was just too weak and too old to fight it. In just a few months, she passed away peacefully. It was another desolation to their family and it was so hard to bid their last farewell to their adoptive matriarch.

Brian's wished was granted though, when after three years, Gus took over Kinnetik and became the CEO. At the age of 25, he and Ted felt that Gus was ready for it, and Brian thought that it was a perfect time too. 

He gave his good news to his son on the night before he got married to his long time girlfriend, Mia. Gus had already moved out from Britin just a month ago after buying his own house for his soon to be family. 

He was so happy to know that his dad had trusted him with Kinnetik. It was overwhelming actually, because he knew how much the business meant to his father. He vowed to himself that he'd never let his dad down. He'd continue to make it big and maybe make it even better in coming years.

His mother attended the wedding with her much, much younger boyfriend, Cedric. He was only three years older than Gus. Cedric, though, was a motorcycle enthusiast who was currently out of a job since he got together with Lindsay. He was so busy riding his bike. She proudly said that they were already 13 months together.

Lindsay wasn't living in her suburban three bedroom house anymore, instead was now living with Cedric in a smaller apartment. She just couldn't afford the bills and expenses that she sold almost everything she owned. Lindsay was now even working as an insurance agent but it was still hard for her to meet their needs because Cedric's bike always needed some thing or another.

She was asking Gus for handouts and he was always giving it her. Then she would call again after two weeks to ask for more. In the beginning, he was kind of feeling sorry for his mother. After his wedding, he once refused to give her anything because he had just given the down payment for his new house and was swamped with a mortgage. She got hysterical and called him an ingrate.

Then she came to his office again the next day saying she really needed the money because Cedric's bike needed some screw or something like that. She also said that Gus was now the CEO of Kinnetik, a few thousand wouldn't be that much of a problem. Brian was on his way to Ted's office to finalize his last accounts and heard her shouting at Gus. That made his head explode and was in her face defending his son.

"You don't even give a thought that you are embarrassing your son in his own office? Why are you asking Gus for help with your bloodsucker's bike? Why can't he find work like normal people do so he can support you and his lazy ass? You have no shame, Lindsay. Your son is working so hard while you let your leech lounge in your house, then ask your son to support his sorry ass." 

"You are one to talk. Didn't you have your own boy toy and a leech lounging in your mansion?"

"Justin is not my boy toy. He is my husband for 16 fucking years. He is not a leech because he is painting and still selling even if it was hard for him to move his hand. I can't say that much about your toy. I can't even think why he can't work when he is perfectly capable of it."

"He can't because he is practicing!"

"Well, then." He turned to Gus who was holding his head in his hands. "Gus, she's your mother. It's up to you if you are going to support her leech of a boyfriend or not. It's your own goddamn money. Be wise, son."

Brian left Gus' office and headed to Ted's. It turned out, Gus hadn't given his mother money since that day. She was incessantly calling to his new house and even went there to shout at Mia when she couldn't find Gus.

Cedric called him the next day at his office and Gus threatened them to get a temporary restraining order if they wouldn't leave him and his family alone. Then, he found his car vandalized and slashed, one evening in the back parking lot. Gus cried upon seeing his dad's gift to him three years ago, totally wrecked. 

The police arrested Cedric because it was clear on the camera that he was the one who trashed his vehicle. Lindsay, slapped him across the face when he refused to withdraw the lawsuit. She told him he didn't deserve to call her his mother, if he would act so ungrateful toward her.

That was the last he heard from his mother. But his auntie Em said, she was living with her sister in New Jersey because she got into so much debt when she paid the fifteen thousand dollar bail for Cedric. 

When Lindsay was so broke and couldn't even bring decent food to their table, Cedric packed his bag and rode his bike away from her. Leaving her devastated, broke and full of debt.

Brian had officially retired and enjoyed his days of being a free man. Well, not really a free man, because there was no way he'd divorce his 42 years old husband, who would forever be the love of his life.

James Brennan Kinney was born just after eleven months from his parents wedding day. The day JB came into their lives was like deja vu when Bianca was born 12 years ago.

When Brian had carried the baby in his arms for the first time, he felt the same euphoria he had when he held Bianca the first time. He looked at his husband, who was at his side, kissing him on his head. 

It was amazing to think that he was still in love with Justin for 26 years now. And with their family growing, Brian knew he couldn't ask for anything more.

Before they left the hospital, he playfully told Gus that he was really named after Justin and Brian, hence the initial JB. Gus just answered his father with a pat on the back saying a little mysteriously, "You'll never know... grandpa."

Unfortunately, just after few months of his grandson's birth, Blake got seriously ill. He had a hepatic failure after he and Ted were married for eight years. It was so sudden that Blake died just after two months of being hospitalized with complications to his liver. He was only 53 years old.

Blake's death shook Brian more than he was willing to admit. Especially since Justin's 40th birthday, his husband's right hand motor skills had deteriorated. It started from cramping, then shaking uncontrollably for less than 30 seconds.

The first time Brian witnessed it, they just came out of a grocery store and Justin was drinking water from a bottle.

His hand tremors, dropping the bottle to the ground, while his face had contorted in pain. Brian got freaked out and drove them directly to Justin's doctor. Dr. Landry, had agreed to meet them after two hours of waiting.

On that impromptu checked up, Brian wasn't pleased to learn that Justin had the cramps and tremors for more than a month now. Brian went ballistic upon hearing that.

The doctor gave him an appointment for MRI and full body checked up. The result was another scar tissue around his original brain injury. The doctor recommended a laser surgery.

In three days, Justin was on the operating table once again and Brian was in the waiting room sitting far away from his friends and family. Bianca was at home with her Nana.

He was praying for Justin's safety and it terrified Brian that Justin wasn't the 26 years old guy anymore when he had his procedure before. Age really was a great factor for ones surgical success, and even his little twink was aging, too.

He didn't talk, move or dare to go anywhere until after four hours, Dr. Landry came congratulating Brian for his husband's successful operation.

But from then on, Justin's hand motor skills didn't really fully return,not even 50%. Justin was still painting though, but it took him weeks to finish a single work. It didn't discourage his husband, hence, he'd possessed more patience than he had in his entire life.

Bianca grew up to be the version of a tall Justin. She got her dad's height and his wit too. She continued to be her parents' joy and happiness and it would never change even if she would find her way in the world. She would always be their little Bianca.

After Brian's retirement, he fully gave his time to his husband and daughter. He would laze around the bed with Justin until noon, especially if it was weekdays, and Bianca was at school.

They'd have a blanket spread in their backyard and just basking in the spring weather around them, lying side by side with his blond-not-so-twink-anymore-husband.

The three of them went to Iceland that summer and Japan on winter. Bianca was over the moon with her out of the country experience and was so excited to do it the next year. She was loving the idea that her dad was jobless and could travel anytime they want. 

It wasn't as if her dad was hard to tear from his work before, because they had traveled regularly in the past years. She had been traveling with her parents since the time she could remember.

Her first memory of her travels was to Italy with her parents and Gus. Her brother had requested it for his 18th birthday and she remembered riding the canoe. But if she looked on their family albums, it wasn't her first time going out of the country.

Last year, her parents brought her to Amsterdam and it was a crazy experience. Her friend Amy was so jealous.

Her dad and papa would go on to their anniversary month long vacation in spring, and they said they'd be going to Bali, Indonesia and maybe Malaysia, too. But they promised her to bring her to anywhere she wanted for two weeks in summer.

She was used to her parents being away for a month and she was kind of happy too that she got two very in love dads. She understood that her papa had some head trauma or something, and he was even operated two years ago.

Her dad said it was actually her papa's 5th brain surgery and that she needed to pray for him. She got scared but her dad said not to, because papa was a one stubborn man.

Then he was okay, he came back from the hospital, though, his hand needed more exercises, but her papa was home and still handsome. Yeah, that was what she heard from the mothers of her classmates when they would have parent meetings. 

Seeing her papa painting again, although, not fast like before, it made her really happy. Her dad was home all the time, too, and was always following her papa, until her papa shouted that he was okay.

That was kind of funny, because her dad would follow her papa even to the bathroom. The crazy thing was, they were hugging and kissing even more than they did before, and they were hugging and kissing a lot before. 

But, that was okay. Her best friend, Amy, said that she was lucky to have loving parents because hers were divorced and her dad was married three times already.

Then, after awhile, her dad said he was retiring. They went to his office to attend his party with so many people invited. At first, she didn't understand it, but Gus told her that it was like dad being jobless because Gus was taking their dad's work.

And it became more happier in their home. She always heard her papa now saying, "Brian, you're insatiable. To think you are in your 50's, you shouldn't have that kind of appetite still."

Bianca was confused. Her dad wasn't really a big eater, but her papa was always saying that when they were kissing on the sofa or even in the kitchen. One time, she saw them kissing on the stairs. And not to mention those times she found them kissing while lying on a blanket under their maple tree, and the swimming pool too. Okay, she saw her parents kissing everywhere, and like, all the time too.

But, it really didn't matter. She had superb parents and she was glad that she was their little girl, and that made her the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.

Brian and Justin spent their 16 year anniversary in Bali and Malaysia. Brian was so careful though and he made sure every pill his husband needed were packed. He even had the certificate from Dr. Landry indicating Justin was safe to travel. The operation was almost two years ago, but it still shook Brian to the bone.

Justin was a bit pissed with his husband. He was so overly cautious. Somehow, he understood him. How many times would Brian have to experience waiting in a room while his head was being opened. And so, he let Brian get away with being overly clinging to him.

He had experienced it too, being freaked out, when Brian was diagnosed with diabetes five years ago. It must be all the lattes and sugar he put in his coffee. He was on his medication since then, but Justin was so scared that time, he still was.

When Blake died, he knew Brian was internally freaking out. Justin did, too. For how many times he had escaped death, he didn't know if he'd still be lucky the next time. And with Justin, everything always had a next time.

Ted was devastated after his husband's passing. But if he had few good things he had in life, surely his best friend, Emmett, was one of them. They were still inseparable. And after Ted was alone for almost two years, he let Emmett move into his house and be his roommate. 

He retired two years behind Brian's retirement and he was already sixty. He just felt it was time.

Jen passed away just before Ted finally retired. Molly came from France and Justin was in a funk for a while.

Not long after Jen's passing, David died from a heart attack. They all went to attend his funeral even though they really didn't see much of Michael since Debbie died. David made him sell his comic book store a year from their reunification and they were living in a suburban area of Pittsburgh.

Michael had his own circle of friends now and he didn't even set his foot on Liberty avenue anymore. They once saw him driving a luxurious Lamborghini and hadn't even waved at them when they were practically in his face.

Well, it didn't matter now though. As Michael was moving out of David's mansion and moving in to a small apartment. After the reading of David's will, he found out he didn't leave anything to him. Not the house, or any of his numerous vehicles, not even his rest house in the country. He only left him ten thousand dollars and left everything to his only son, Hank, and Hank's three children.

Michael was devastated and threatened to sue. When he confronted a lawyer, he said, Michael didn't have any rights to claim any of David's assets because they weren't married. It was also specified on the will that Michael was only entitled for ten thousand dollars.

Michael didn't have any choice but to move out and took the money from the attorney. He didn't know how he'd support himself now that he was 56 years old. He hadn't even worked for almost a decade now and didn't know what work he'd be able to do.

Ten years with David and he only got ten fucking thousand dollars!

The remaining cast of their gang, Brian, Justin, Ted, Emmett, Eric, Oliver, Jess and her family, Mel and her family, with Gus and his family, and Bianca, had all still continued being in a tight friendship. They still had their weekly dinners and they sometimes hung out at the beach once in a while.

It was amazing to witness their children interact and grow together. It was also amazing to be in a company of people who were with you, beside you, through thick and thin. 

Their friendship was tested by time, place and circumstances, but they were all still there- hanging on together. Somehow, it was calming to think that even if you would be gone in any moment, you'd be content to know your loved ones wouldn't be alone.

Brian couldn't be more happier with the time he had with his friends and family. He couldn't be more happier with the chance he had with his loving husband, Justin. 

It would make him much, much, happier if they had their 50th anniversary though. But what he had with Justin, as short as it was for them to be together in this lifetime, was more than what he had bargained for.

Twenty one years. Justin survived for twenty one years since his procedure when he was only 26 years old. His husband had a total of five brain surgeries in his short life of 47 years.

They had five years of being together after his retirement, and it was one of the best decisions he had ever made. When Justin had his 46th birthday, he had his first seizure after so long of not having it.

He called the ambulance and Brian was so terrified that he was almost thrown out of the hospital for fighting with the nurse. He just had a bad feeling about this, but he still let himself hope.

Turned out, Justin had a tumor again on the same side of his brain. Brian was aggravated because Justin just had his yearly check up five months ago. How come the doctor didn't find it then. Dr. Ong, the oncologist, said, the tumor was the kind that was rapidly growing and rapidly spreading too.

He had given them an option of removing it, but could possibly leave Justin in a vegetable state, or they could just wait out until Justin's body could endure and fight it.

"What are the chances for me if I'd choose the operation?"

"I'll tell you honestly, Mr. Kinney, it was less than 25%. You've been through five brain surgeries and now, your body was too vulnerable and a lot weaker for another one. Say that you get through it, I'm afraid that it can't endure much of the chemo and radiation treatment. But of course, it is just an option, the decision will always be yours, Mr. Kinney."

"How much time?" It pained Brian to ask but he needed to know. He was holding his husband's hand tightly like he wouldn't want to let go. And he never did.

"Without surgery, I'd say about six months, maybe less. It is spreading rapidly."

So, they decided not to have the surgery. Brian had cried for the rest of the night while Justin lovingly rubbed his back, whispering his love, and promises to his husband.

They stayed at the hospital for two nights. Luckily, when the seizure happened, Bianca was at Gus' house baby sitting her nephew. Brian called her to stay with her brother until they would take him back.

Gus and Bianca got alarmed and asked what had happened. Brian told them that Justin got nauseous that afternoon and the doctor said he contacted a stomach virus.

He hoped his children would believe him, but when they arrived at the house the next morning, they saw Justin was doing okay. A little bit paler than usual, but he was okay. And so, they both had thought it was really stomach virus.

They opted not to tell anyone, even Jess. The first thing they did, was to travel to Paris and visited Justin's sister Molly and her family. Brian, Justin and Bianca was there for two weeks and they made sure to spend time with Molly especially her two twins.

When they were back to Pittsburgh, they had a big pool party inviting all their friends and families. They were curious to know why the sudden party by the Kinneys, but they only told them that it was so long ago that they had a pool party. It was just time for another one.

They went to Greece for their anniversary, and lived in paradise for a month. They went on reliving their honeymoon and their second time there when they started doing it raw again.

The island, especially Santorini, became so much as part of their life. It was just too painful to even contemplate that this would be their last one together in this place. Brian cried on Justin's neck that evening while watching the sunset together.

Later that evening, Brian played their song, and took his husband in his arms and swayed them along with it.

//Only you can make the darkness bright  
Only you and you alone  
Can thrill me like you do  
And fill my heart with love for only you//

The vacation seemed to lighten up Justin and even Brian. But people could see how one never went anywhere without the other. They had always been the shadow of the other, but this time around, it was as if they were both afraid to be away from each other. It was so obvious especially with Brian.

They were behaving like teenagers, too. With Brian being 58, it was rather adorable to see. Brian would feed Justin regardless where they were. They'd tickle each other like they were both twelve years old.

They had a simple yet so memorable birthday party for Bianca. Justin gave his baby girl a painting of the four of them, Brian, Justin, Gus and Bianca. 

There weren't any dry eyes at that moment, it was as if they all felt something or another when Justin and Brian hugged their daughter. Justin was murmuring in her ears that she was his most precious gift and to always remember that papa would always love her.

The painting was the last one that Justin made.

They also made sure to always attend the weekly dinners with their friends. Then, in August, they invited them for another pool party. It was actually the six month mark for Justin and they were both thankful that he was still well.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were held at the Kinney's. Their friends were so hoping for that, because it was still the biggest house among them. They all loved the idea where they could freely walk around without banging their heads on the other people's elbows.

Justin was obviously getting thinner though and seemed to be weaker too. Gus was always asking him if he was okay, but he would just smile and hug him, then squishing the four year old JB to his chest.

On January, Justin started to deteriorate faster. He couldn't stand for a long time anymore and they decided to tell their kids about the real situation of their papa. 

Gus and Bianca were sitting silently in the living room, as if they had a feeling that this family meeting was not a good one.

Honestly, Gus was feeling it in his gut for sometime now. But he couldn't really pinpoint what was happening, he just felt that there was.

Bianca was with Justin everyday and if there were physical changes from him, she wasn't really able to notice it. But over the past weeks, her papa was always tired and always confined to his room with her dad. They never left the house after Christmas.

When Justin and Brian came to the living room, Gus gasped at Justin's physical appearance. He turned to Bianca and told her, "I thought you said papa was doing okay, Binks? He doesn't look okay." He stood and looked his dad straight in his eyes. "What's going on, dad? What's wrong with papa?"

Brian was gesturing for him to calm down while he guided Justin to a chair. He was heaving by the time he sat down. Bianca was softly sobbing, it was from feeling the tension exuded from her brother who was already on the verge of tears himself.

Gus couldn't believe his eyes. He just saw Justin last Christmas, and though, he was a little thinner and paler, but he wasn't like this. Now, he looked sick, very, very, sick. 

Bianca called him after New Years, telling him their parents were cooped up in their room for few days now. He asked her if they were alright and she just answered that they seemed to be just fine. Though papa was always tired, she said.

He asked his dad, too, he said they were just feeling the cold of the winter and not to worry too much.

But now, oh god. Gus took his sister's hand and went to hug Justin who smiled at them lovingly. Gus and Bianca, and even Brian, was crying while hugging their papa. Gus was on the floor in front of Justin, Bianca was on her papa's side with Brian on the other.

Gus, his 30 year old son, was crying like he was five again. He was repeatedly saying, "Please be okay, please tell us you're okay, papa, please, tell us you are okay."

Justin hugged his children back. Shushing them and wiping their tears with his shaky thumb. He rubbed their backs and softly smiling to them as if telling his children it would be alright.

Bianca was just sobbing loudly closing her eyes tightly. No, she wouldn't think about it. Her papa was okay. He was fine. He was still young, he should be fine.

Brian tearfully hugged his family from Justin's side, kissing him on his cheek telling him they all love him.

Justin finally cried. His brave husband who fought all these impossible battles with only courage, determination and love for his husband and children as his weapon. His Justin who he loved from this earth to the life hereafter.

"Gus, Bianca, listen to papa. Hey..." He slightly tilted their chins up. "In life, we all go through ups and downs, happiness and sadness, love and heartaches, success and failure, it's all part of life. It doesn't matter if we don't get what we want, what matters most is we have what we need. And we have all that we need, and some more. I got you, Gus, Binks, and you, Brian. I've had the family and love and happiness any man could ask for.

"If I'm going, it doesn't matter. I know I'll live forever in your hearts as you are all going to be in my heart, always, wherever I may be. I'm happy to go knowing that I have a very loving and very strong son, daughter and husband that I'll leave behind. I know I'll always be with each and every one of you, every single day.

"Gus, I ask you, as father to his son, please take care of Bianca and Brian. Your father may not appreciate this, but he is not what he used to be. He is 59. Please, Gus, if I'm not here, you and Bianca, please take care of Brian for me. Promise me that, Gus."

Gus couldn't even find his voice to answer, instead, he took Justin's hand and kissed it while nodding his head repeatedly. He was sobbing so hard as Bianca and Brian did. They were all huddled together in one chair, getting strength from each other.

Justin explained to them what was his real condition and somewhat a victory of beating the six months mark. It was already the eleventh month. He also apologized to his children for not being truthful about it, they just didn't want them to worry too much.

The next day, Brian called all their friends to their home. Like Gus' reaction, all of them were shocked and worried upon seeing Justin sitting on a chair. Brian didn't make their guests wait for too long and started to tell them about Justin's condition.

Their friends were all tearing up. Justin was always the baby of their bunch whatever their age would be. In the end, Justin asked them not to be so sad. That he'd be with every memories he made with each and everyone of their friends.

In a week, Justin couldn't even sit anymore. Dr. Ong facilitated a house medical care and recommended a home care nurse. Brian hired four of them to be on 24/7 around Justin. He sat by his side and slept beside his husband whispering sweet nothings.

On Valentine's Day, Justin was already being helped to breathe by an oxygen tank. He was mostly unconscious all day, but Brian gave his husband a single red rose and a triple layer diamond encrusted ring.

He put the ring on Justin's right ring finger and kissed his hand, whispering, "I give you this ring, my love, as an assurance that when we meet each other again, that will become your wedding ring there. I'm not sure if god will give us a ring, so just to be sure, you'll bring it with you and I'll bring mine when it's my time. They said, diamond will last forever." He kissed Justin's ring.

"We'll get married there in wherever we will go after this life, Justin. We'll get married, I'll marry you, again and again and again." Then he kissed his husband on his cool lips. Feeling that it was chapped, he reached for the lip balm and rubbed some on Justin's lips.

Two days later, Brian was sitting beside Justin's bed. Gus and Bianca were playing scrabble on the sofa near the door, while Emmett and Ted were in the kitchen preparing lunch. Eric called a while ago saying that he'd come to visit later in the afternoon. Jess and Mel were coming in the evening. 

Brian felt his husband was squeezing his hand that he was holding. Justin hadn't been able to respond to anything anymore. But then, he was opening his eyes as Brian looked up to see his face.

When their eyes met, Justin gave him a small smile and Brian felt like crying. "Bri--Brian... Hey."

"Hey, baby. Hey, I love you. I love you so much." Brian couldn't resist to say it to Justin. It had already been a week since he had seen any reactions from him. Most of the days, he was just blinking his eyes for few times, then he'd close it again.

Justin was nodding as Brian lovingly caressing his cheek. "I know.... I love... You too...Brian... Always."

Brian kissed his lips, then kissing his hand resting it on his chest afterwards, letting Justin feel his heartbeat.

"Bri-- please... the... Song.... Our song... Play." Brian looked up at Gus who was now hovering together with his sister on the foot of the bed. Gus nodded and went to the turntable and play his parents' favorite song.

The song started to softly fill the room and they saw Justin smile a bit.

//For it's true, you are my destiny  
When you hold my hand  
I understand the magic that you do  
You're my dream come true  
My one and only you//

"You gave... Me... A ring... To take... to... Heaven."

Brian didn't expect Justin to hear him on Valentine's Day, but now he guessed, he did and it made his heart soar so high.

"Yeah, I have mine, too, see?" He lifted his right hand near his husband's face. "Don't lose yours, okay? Promise me, baby."

He smiled again, "Promise... Tell... Gus and... Binks that... Papa loves... Them."

Justin was breathing heavily and Brian heard his children crying together but he couldn't take his eyes off of his husband. "I will, Justin. We love you, baby. Gus, Bianca and I, love you so much. I will see you again, okay? I Promise you that we will be seeing each other again."

He nodded as he closed his eyes so slowly that it stabbed Brian's heart.

"I....wait... For... You... My... Husband."

"Yes, yes, wait for me. I'll be with you. I love you, Justin. I love you so, so, so much."

"...love... You... B..."

Brian felt it more than saw it. He knew when his husband took his last breath. It hurt so much. He thought, he had been preparing himself for this, but there was no way he could prepare for this kind of pain.

His children ran to their papa's side while the nurse was declaring what Brian already know.

"God... god... Oh my god. Justin--" he whispered still holding his husband's hand to his heart. 

Brian hadn't had many memories from that time. Gus told him that he had passed out before Emmett and Ted came rushing to the door.

In the end, just like Justin had told them, he'd be with them everyday of their lives. Justin was everywhere Brian would set his eyes on. He was in every beat of his heart and in every air that he breath.

Brian and Bianca continued to live at Britin and tried to fill the emptiness Justin had left them. Most of the time, Brian got through his days just fine, but when the time he retired at night he always end up crying for his only love.

***

"Dad, I'm not early. I'm on time. You just lost track of time, again. Come on, you'll be late for your appointment." Gus said standing up, heading to help his dad to put his 'treasure' onto its shelf. He turned off the turntable then guiding him to collect his things.

Brian always brought a book to his appointment and Gus wouldn't want his dad to miss it just because he forgot.

The said 'Treasure' was a scrapbook made by Bianca on their parents anniversary. It was only three weeks after their papa's death. He didn't know how she managed to do it for that very short amount of time, but she did an amazing job. Maybe it was her way of coping for her loss.

"Bianca called you this morning?" He asked while walking with his son to his car.

"Yes. She just reminded me. Like I can forget. Wait-- here." He guided him to the passenger seat. "You okay?"

Brian nodded and smiled at his son. His father was unusually quiet on their way to the dialysis center. Brian was having dialysis for over two years and doing it three times a week now. His kidneys had been damaged by his diabetes and he also had pneumonia last three months and was hospitalized for two weeks. Now, they said his heart might be affected too. 

Gus saw his dad rolling the big diamond ring on his right finger and had a somewhat soft smile on his face while looking on nothing specific ahead. 

He felt a cold air running down his spine and Gus felt his heart constricted with the realization hitting him square on his gut.

When Gus came to the clinic after two hours to take him back home, Brian requested to be driven to the memorial site where Justin was buried, where Brian was going to lay in for eternity, beside his husband.

Brian sat there for about an hour and Gus could see his lips moving as if talking to Justin, well, maybe his dad was really talking to his papa.

Brian was rolling the ring all the way to Britin and still remained silent. When he parked, Gus held his dad's arm and asked him, "Are you okay, dad?"

Brian looked at him intently, and smiled at him. "I love you, son. Remember that, okay?"

It felt like a dagger had stabbed him in his chest but he smiled at his dad and nodded. "I love you, too, dad. I'll come with JB and Julianna tomorrow, is that okay with you?"

Brian beamed at his son and got out of the car. Bianca was opening the main door of the house to their father and waved at him. He waved back and blew her a kiss.

Brian passed away in his sleep just four days after that day. Bianca found her father not responding when she was waking him up that morning.

It was really painful to bury your parents. Justin died just six years ago and his dad was already 65 but it was way too soon that it hurts so much. But as Bianca and Gus looked at the expanse of Britin's ground from their parents' balcony room, somehow, they were happy to know that their dads were back into each other's arms.

Maybe they were already exchanging vows in heaven and had gotten married already as their dad promised their papa. Surely, they'd be happy to be together again and this time there would be no ending.

They knew their dads were also thrilled for their honeymoon to be spent up there in the clouds or something like that. 

//Only you can make all this change in me  
For it's true, you are my destiny  
When you hold my hand  
I understand the magic that you do  
You're my dream come true  
My one and only you//

The song was drifting softly from the room and various memories had been flashing through their minds. Memories that their parents had shared throughout the 30 years of knowing and loving each other. 

The siblings held onto each other as they bid their fathers Best Wishes up in heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and reviewing. -Nadine

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song Only You by The Platters. Thanks for reading:)


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